Midnight Crew

The Midnight Crew is a group of antagonists originally paid to appear through a donation by Mayonaka, their original designer during a series of tabletop games. First appearing in extra episode 13, they were summoned by Problem Sleuth to take on Demonhead Mobster Kingpin, but then changed their alliances to DMK's side due to a slight mishap with a set of some Hunk Rump cards. The crew members are all based on one the four suits in a deck of cards respectively, with the exception of Mobster Kingpin, who is not an original member of the crew. After the conclusion of Homestuck: Act 3, the Midnight Crew was re-introduced as an intermission to the main adventure, where they are trying to get one over on a rival gang, The Felt.

Spades Slick
The leader of this mysterious gambling group. He wields the Cast Iron Horse Hitcher. Almost nothing about him is known, except that he supposedly wields sinister shadow-based magic. One might conjecture that the rest of the Crew can do so as well, though we have yet to see if this is so. In the Blood Spade adventure he is seen using Occam's Razor to solve the problem of the pinned heist plans quickly and simply. He is also known to succumb to soul-blackening rage and sport an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades. He can carry five weapons at a time, but only one item.

While performing Hive Ragtime: Fill'em With Midnight, Spades Slick can jazz up a piano hard enough for it to be ridden like a mechanical bull. Curiously, Spades Slick is shown to have a barcode on his left arm and a row of sharp teeth during the intermission, perhaps suggesting he and Jack Noir could be the same person after all. This is just a theory, however.

At one point, Spades Slick visits mspaintadventures.com on his Crosbytop Computer, and finds that Homestuck is in fact the current adventure there. He keeps two Licorice Scotty Dogs in his Backup Hat.

Hearts Boxcars
The tall, brawny-looking member of the group. He wields a TV ANTENNA. Not much is known about him; He thus far appears to be a laid-back guy, and is capable of procuring COLORFUL NIGERIAN ROBES at a moment's notice for them to use. In the Midnight Crew Intermission, he was sent to open the vault in the mansion of The Felt. The Burlier Agent appears with an identical-looking vault in Homestuck.

While performing HIVE RAGTIME: FILL'EM WITH MIDNIGHT, Hearts Boxcars can pluck the shit out of a double bass.

It is likely that he carries two licorice candies in his Backup Hat, but they have not been seen, as the characters seem to have some difficulties becoming Hearts Boxcars.

As a side note, Hearts Boxcars ALWAYS ROLLS BOXCARS.

Diamonds Droog
The tall, intimidating looking fellow of the group. He wields the ULTRA-VIOLENCE CUESTICK, which may have something to do with the pool-themed enemy of the Midnight Crew. Little is known about him, though he appears to have a short temper, as illustrated by his lashing out at Hearts Boxcars when he brought a handful of COLORFUL NIGERIAN ROBES for them to wear. Such an attribute doesn't seem that surprising, considering that he does wield an ULTRA-VIOLENCE CUESTICK.He is unique in that he keeps multiple Backup Hats as well as custom tailored suits in storage. He considered himself the most well dressed and civilized of the gang, despite his murderous tendacies.

While performing HIVE RAGTIME: FILL'EM WITH MIDNIGHT, Diamonds Droog can blow a mean saxophone.

He keeps two Swedish Fish in his Backup Hat.

Clubs Deuce
A short and stout crew member. He wields the CROOK OF FELONY. Oddly enough, he has only three fingers (most other characters in Homestuck have four). Almost nothing has been told of him except that he might be quite similar to Ace Dick seeing as when he aggresses AD he bludgeons him in the snout to establish similarity. If this just has to do with looks or not is impossible to tell at the moment. In the Midnight Crew intermission he manages to capture Doze, of The Felt, for interrogation, a ridiculously easy and futile task. He is apparently rather mild mannered since rather than destroy the clocks he goes around loving them. He also "tortures" Doze by tapping him on the knee and swapping hats with him. He has an innocent, child-like personality, taking simple, purposeless, tasks very seriously. He has a terrible memory.

While performing HIVE RAGTIME: FILL'EM WITH MIDNIGHT, Clubs Deuce can turn out a devastating oboe performance.

He keeps two Licorice Gummy Bears in his Backup Hat.

Shadow Mobster Kingpin
Mobster Kingpin who has been enveloped in a shadow by Spades Slick, seeing as SS didn't think the original MK was "quite cutting it somehow" to join their group. He does not appear to be included in the Midnight Crew intermission, perhaps separating this story from Problem Sleuth all together.

While performing HIVE RAGTIME: FILL'EM WITH MIDNIGHT, Shadow Mobster Kingpin can blow his trombone with intense feeling.

Trivia

 * The quickest way of dealing with the Midnight Crew would of course be to just let PS unsummon them. Nobody would ever think of doing that though.
 * In Homestuck, John Egbert, Dave Strider, and Jade Harley visit MSPA's website and look at the most recent adventure, featuring the Midnight Crew. The url is clearly visible on the page here, and if someone actually went to that page with their own browser, it features a Spade caked in blood. An actual adventure featuring the Midnight Crew is possible, although unlikely is currently in progress in the form of an [I]ntermission.
 * Jack Noir of the Dark Kingdom in Homestuck strongly resembles Spades Slick, to the point of the player trying to name him as such. There's even a small spade on his clothes.
 * The Burlier Agent of the Dark Kingdom in Homestuck strongly resembles Hearts Boxcars. Like Jack, he has a heart on his clothes, possibly indicating that the entire Crew will show up at some point.
 * Jack Noir and Spades Slick also both have pointed teeth.
 * Spades also has the same strange tattoo as Jack Noir and Wayward Vagabond