Alchemiter

The Alchemiter is one of three devices that can be created by the Sburb client immediately after installation.

Found within the Phernalia Registry, Cruxite Dowels can be placed on the pedestal where they will be scanned and an object will be created by the Alchemiter. An unaltered Cruxite Dowel appears to create Perfectly Generic Objects while one that is carved by the Totem Lathe will create an item specific to the pattern in which it was carved.

The Alchemiter was used by Rose to help John defeat the Crude Ogres.

John, in a recent "alchemy binge", created over a dozen objects by combining their punch cards. These include:

Items Alchemitized

 * Pogo Hammer
 * Wrinklefucker
 * Fedora &amp; Candy Corn
 * Cosbytop Computer
 * Potted Plant
 * Clean Cosby Poster
 * Painting of a horse attacking a football player
 * Betty Crocker Barbasol bomb
 * Barber's Best Friend
 * Remote Ghost Gauntlets
 * Telescopic Sassacrusher
 * Serious Business Goggles
 * Green Slime Ghost Suit
 * Wise Guy Slime Suit
 * Perfectly Generic Objects
 * Blank Captchalogue Cards

Upgrades
Combining the Jumper Block Extension with the Alchemiter allowed for various upgrades to be made. By inserting a punched card into a Punch Card Shunt, and then attaching it to the Jumper Block Extension, that card's corresponding item is incorporated into the Alchemiter.

Dave was the first to get this upgrade. He first attempted to incorporate a Blender, then a GameBro Magazine to the Alchemiter, but this resulted in an absolutely useless piece of shit, with the blender blending up the Cruxite Dowels and the magazine summoning a metal bust of a cool bro. The second time around, Dave attached a Punch Designix card to the Jumper Block Extension, which built a Designix into the side of the Alchemiter. He then added a Holopad card, which resulted in an unusable machine that could project the resulting item of an inserted card, but not create it. Dave then added a Totem Lathe. This makes the Alchemiter project the carved Cruxite Dowel for the inserted card, scan that, and create the item. These upgrades allow Dave to create and combine upgrades without running across his entire fucking house. A Jumper Block Extension was also added to the Alchemiter. This didn't really do much except make the whole contraption a bit less bulky and obviate the need for Punch Card Shunts. Dave then also added an Enlarger (similar to a focusing lens from a microscope), which lets him vary the size of the object produced. Also note that smaller than normal items cost less Grist and larger ones cost more.

Upgrades apply to all Alchemiters within a single session.