Homestuck Kids

The Homestuck Kids are the four main characters of Homestuck: John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, and Jade Harley.

Their counterparts after the Scratch can also be considered part of the Kids. These are child versions of their ectobiological parents. They are: Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider and Jake English.

Note
This article is about the similarities and differences between the main characters in Homestuck, and maintains the subtle feature in Problem Sleuth that was not as apparent: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Nearly everything that exists and the actions done in the story are replicated differently through another character.

In general, similarities are seen when applying a particular filter over it.
 * John is an honest and straightforward individual, with perhaps a prank of some sort being applied in good fun. He is generally absent-minded, and will often neglect the consequences of performing a hasty command.
 * Rose is very articulate, formal and enjoys a lengthy diatribe with her opponents. She mostly plays it coy to guard her deepest thoughts, but every once in a while will succumb to her emotions in an unpredictable manner.
 * Dave is all about being cool through irony. Everything he has done or will do will be on that basis. He often shields himself from harsh truths through finding it ironic. He is rather hotheaded.
 * Jade is light-hearted and silly. She is an easy-going and supportive individual, however can and will lose her temper if driven to a certain point. She is also very accepting of her surroundings, and often acts on impulse.
 * Jane is prone to skepticism. She is slow to believe many things, and never acts on impulse. She is always polite and articulate in speech, but seems to strongly dislike relating her own feelings, especially those of a romantic nature.
 * Roxy is casual, informal and often intoxicated. She commonly cracks jokes and is comfortable with talking about even the weirdest of things. She is also quite sneaky and knows more than you think. The only B2 who seems to realize she isn't living in a teenage soap opera.
 * Dirk is analytical and intense. The self-proclaimed orchestrator of the group, he always keeps a cool demeanor, never flying off the handle. He seems to excel in nearly everything, and likes helping his friends improve themselves too.
 * Jake is adventurous and sociable. He has a tendency to be naive, and will believe anything. He believes it is better to jump into action without thinking, because that is what an action film hero would do.

Introductions and Habits
Each kid in Homestuck is introduced in a similar, albeit unique manner based on several factors. Along with this they each follow a type of progression as they inch nearer toward what could ultimately be called the actual game - when Sburb summons a Meteor to crash into their abode and presumably either destroy them or send them to The Medium.


 * 1) The pre-Scratch kids are introduced by the player giving them a name with the naming box.
 * 2) *John Egbert was never given a name before, and on his thirteenth birthday initially called Zoosmell Pooplord, but the game rejects it.
 * 3) *Rose Lalonde was to be named Flighty Broad (by Kanaya) but she didn't like the sound of it.
 * 4) *Dave Strider was about to be given the name of Insufferable Prick, but he slices the naming box in half with a Ninja Sword before it finishes. He just doesn't have time for that kind of bullshit. It is later revealed that Sollux tried to type "Iin2ufferable Priick" into Dave's naming box when Dave was young, but characters can't be named until their thirteenth birthday or sixth wriggling day.
 * 5) *Jade Harley was assumed to be named Farmstink Buttlass, but she had foreseen this and had written a note correcting the player before she drifted off.
 * 6) The post-Scratch kids are introduced with their names already being engraved on an Honorary Placronym when they turned 13.
 * 7) *Jane Crocker's Placronym lies neatly on her bookshelf. Attempting to engrave it with another name would be as offensive as trying to name her something dumb like Barnstench Fartface.
 * 8) *Jake English's Placronym lies in a pile of unbelievably deadly guns. "What sort of vulgar, childish moniker were you going to stick this poor bastard with? Barfbreath Turdsmirk?"
 * 9) *Roxy Lalonde's Placronym lies within one of her portal windows. Part of it was covered up by Jaspers' tail.
 * 10) *Dirk Strider's Placronym lies on his computer desk, next to some issues of GameBro Magazine. Like Roxy's Placronym, it too was obscured, this time by a sleeping miniature Maplehoof.
 * 11) The kids are similar in stature and build, but are made to look slightly different.
 * 12) *John has black messy hair, rectangular glasses, and a belt. His shirt has a picture of a Slimer-like creature, called "green slime ghost", on it. His overbite is also readily apparent.
 * 13) *Rose has feminine eyelashes, and a hair band. Her shirt has a picture of a Squiddle on it, defaced and made sinister by rubbing a coin on the mouth and eyes.
 * 14) *Dave has really rad hair and some incredibly awesome sunglasses. His shirt has a picture of a record on it. The design is later sliced in half by Dave's Bro, foreshadowing the Scratch.
 * 15) *Jade has buck teeth, large round glasses, colorful bands on her fingers to help her remember stuff, and long black hair. Her shirt has a blue picture on it that shifts to reflect past, present, or future events; it was originally randomized, but now defaults to an image of Bec's head.
 * 16) *Jane looks like the child version of Nanna, with a blue Beast shirt and a short-cropped haircut. Her glasses and teeth resemble Jade's.
 * 17) *Jake looks like the child version of Grandpa, with a green skull shirt (resembling and Rose's defaced Squiddles shirt) and a differing haircut to John's. His glasses and teeth resemble John's.
 * 18) *Roxy has Rose's Mom's hair, a pink Mutie [paralleling Jade's Becquerel design] shirt, and feminine facial features like Rose.
 * 19) *Dirk looks like the child version of Dave's Bro, with an orange cap shirt and a sharp, anime-like haircut. His shades and mouth resemble Dave's.
 * 20) Interests play a large part of the individuality of the kid.
 * 21) *John's biggest interest is in pranks. He also likes computer games, programming, bad movies, and webcomics. He is a huge fan of Colonel Sassacre's and keeps his hefty tome in his Magic Chest.
 * 22) *Rose is largely interested in Lovecraftian horrors, or the "Zoologically Dubious". Her other hobbies include knitting, writing in her diary and dabbling in psychoanalysis.
 * 23) *Dave is based on just being cool. He loves to do things that are ironic in nature, such as maintain a host of ironic websites and comic strips. He also has a darkroom and keeps things that are dead and preserved in odd ways.
 * 24) *Jade has many interests, the main one being horticulture. She also is interested in nostalgic cartoons, "fauna of an anthropomorphic persuasion," nuclear physics, and advanced technology. She also enjoys her fits of narcolepsy and her own precognitive abilities.
 * 25) *Jane loves baking, because she is the heir of the Crocker franchise, as well as detective stories and pranking people. She loves sit-coms, and has a "particular affection for mustachioed funnymen".
 * 26) *Roxy likes wizards, appearification, and old school games. She also has a fondness for the alchohol left by her mother, and is a fan of her books Complacency of the Learned, hence the name of her cat Frigglish.
 * 27) *Dirk loves building and fighting robots, puppets, and being ironic. He is also an awesome rapper, and is a fan of his brother's Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff movies. There is also a perfectly normal collection of anthromorphic horses and a picture of My Little Pony's Rainbow Dash in his room.
 * 28) *Jake loves all movies. He's not eclectic, but rather indiscriminate. He loves fireams, fisticuffs and adventure, but has no people to share his interests with. Apparently he has quite a bit of swagger. He also enjoys a comic book or two, and traveling around the world, as well as wrestling. Finally, he loves skulls, which is probably hinting at why his shirt is a green skull.
 * 29) Each of the kids plays a different musical instrument and has a leitmotif. Some of the instruments also get broken throughout the game.
 * 30) *John and Jane play the piano. John's musical theme is Showtime, and Jane is seen playing Homestuck Anthem. Rose uses John's piano to kill some imps who were having a party with it.
 * 31) *Rose and Roxy play the violin. Rose's musical theme is Aggrieve.
 * 32) *Dave and Dirk like to put out ill beats using mixing equipment. Dave's musical theme is Beatdown.
 * 33) *Jade has an "eclectic" bass guitar in her bedroom. Her musical theme is Gardener/The Beginning of Something Really Excellent. The bass failed to be captchalogued before Bec brought Jade home, forcing it to be left jamming the Frog Temple equipment in 2422. It is unknown if Jake can also play bass.
 * 34) The kids are all given a color to denote their character. This color is shown predominately in their chats through Pesterchum. Packages they send are colored with their color as is the writing in their letters.
 * 35) *John's main color is blue, but his icon and Denizen are green.
 * 36) *Rose's main color is purple.
 * 37) *Dave's main color is red.
 * 38) *Jade's main color is lime green, but her icon and Denizen are blue. (partially explained by a blue slime ghost shirt sent to her by John in the past)
 * 39) *Jane's color is light blue, the same color associated with Nannasprite and her text.
 * 40) *Jake's color is green, the same color associated with Jadesprite and her text.
 * 41) *Roxy's color is pink, the only color not to correspond to the respective sprite's, being slightly lighter.
 * 42) *Dirk's color is orange, the same color associated with Davesprite and his text.
 * 43) Odd commands are given to the kids that involve indulging in animalistic behavior and then doing some bodily function on furniture.
 * 44) *John is given the command to squawk like an imbecile and then shit on his desk, which he resists despite the temptation. He's given a similar command later toward his mailbox.
 * 45) *Rose is told to writhe like a flagellum and then puke on her bed. She refuses outright.
 * 46) *Dave is pushed to bleat like a goat and then piss on his turntables. He considers bleating like a goat later for ironic purposes, which is later carried out by the Brobot when saving Jake from Gamzee's Lusus, and ironically spills apple juice on his turntables later despite saying he'd never let anything resembling pee get near them.
 * 47) *Jade is commanded to squeal like a piglet and fertilize her plants... and she obliges! While the command probably implied shitting on the plants, Jade took it in the literal sense.
 * 48) *Jane was not given a command.
 * 49) *Jake was not given a command.
 * 50) *Roxy is commanded to wail like an alley cat and then blow bubbles in her drink. She is, however, not empowered to resurrect the crusty old gag template as she is suddenly too busy being Dirk Strider.
 * 51) *Dirk is commanded to jut his ass and twitch like a proboscis. He ignores the command, though the sudden appearance of the character select screen prevents him from carrying it out anyway.
 * 52) Each kid lives in a different time zone.
 * 53) *John and Jane live on the west coast.
 * 54) *Rose and Roxy live on the east coast, three hours ahead of John.
 * 55) *Dave and Dirk use central time, two hours ahead of John.
 * 56) *Jade and Jake live on a Pacific Island in UTC+12, four hours behind John. When it is 9 at her house, it is 4 at Rose's, 1 at John's, and 3 at Dave's, creating a 413.
 * 57) Each Child appeared on a Meteor that impacted a site on earth.
 * 58) *John appeared after a meteor destroyed his family's joke shop called Prankster's Gambit. His Nanna was inside the store and therefore killed by the impact.
 * 59) *Rose's meteor has yet to be seen making impact, but it is alluded that her meteor destroyed a lake near a laboratory on the east coast of the United States. No aquatic life survived.
 * 60) *Dave's meteor destroyed Dave's Bro's favorite record shop. Ironically, Bro didn't find Dave until the next day.
 * 61) *Jade's meteor destroyed a Betty Crocker factory. Dad and Nanna were outside the factory, which was owned by Grandpa.
 * 62) *Jane's meteor is hinted to have killed Poppop at the age of 86.
 * 63) *Jake's meteor is unknown.
 * 64) *Roxy's meteor is unknown.
 * 65) *Dirk's meteor is unknown.
 * 66) The pre-scratch kids all strife with their guardians, and each encounter relates to their Aspect.
 * 67) *John battled his Dad for freedom to play the game. (?)
 * 68) *Rose's strife with her Mom brought her appearance to light.
 * 69) *Dave's strife with his Bro took place over time, consisting of a few flashes.
 * 70) *Jade's strife withe Bec took her to various locations in space.

Traits and Likenesses
After the introductions, subtle similarities occur between them as they go about their business. Typically, objects in their possession share the same generic notion, but are usually altered and different from the other kids' versions, and they never share a copy of that kind of item in their home.
 * 1) The kids each own a computer. However, they all have different operating systems, web browsers (each named after a mythological Greek figure or a Gnostic figure that corresponds to their denizen), and programs.
 * 2) *John's computer's OS is similar to Windows XP. His web browser is Typheus, named after the last son of Gaia who attempted to destroy Zeus. The icon for Typheus is the same as the unspeakably hideous trophy at the ground level of Jade's home. His desktop is littered with various programming project files.
 * 3) *Rose's computer is similar to a Macintosh running OS X; however, instead of a Finder, it appears to have an Inspector. Her web browser is Cetus, a Greek sea monster, daughter of Gaia and Pontus. Her elegantly wallpapered desktop is organized into three folders: 'leavings,' 'scraps,' and 'detritus.'
 * 4) *Dave's computer's OS is similar to Windows 7. His web browser is Hephaestus, the Greek god of the forge who was the son of Hera. His computer runs Pesterchum 7.0., a slightly upgraded version of 6.0 that the other two run. His desktop has three folders: 'Ill Beats,' 'Dope Rhymes. So Dope,' and 'Complete Bullshit.'
 * 5) *Jade's computer is completely different from anything in the real world, resembling computer interfaces from Minority Report. Her web browser is Echidna, the progenitor of all Greek mythological monsters and the offspring of Gaia. She uses Pesterchum Enamel ("Much shinier!") and has many friends in her Chumroll. She uses FreshJamz Media Player to play MP3s she and her friends make.
 * 6) *Jane's computer's OS is nearly identical to John's. Her web browser is Hemera, the personification of daytime. Her desktop introduces a new chat client, Bettybother, but no files of interest.
 * 7) *Roxy's computer OS is also nearly identical to Rose's. The background features Calmasis, the villain from Complacency of the Learned. Her browser is named "Nix", a misspelling of Nyx, the deity of the night. There is an ~ATH project on her desktop, along with two folders: "sburb shit" and "WIZORDS".
 * 8) *Dirk's computer is obviously based on futuristic technology, as its monitor appears to be hovering over his desk (next to a spare robot head) and is not connected to the keyboard by any visable means. He also possesses a tablet for drawing ironic things, and has several new folders on his desktop alongside Delirious Biznasty and Complete Bullshit.
 * 9) *Jake relies on his Husktop when stationary, running simple programs of Pesterchum, Abraxas, and Complete Bullshit.
 * 10) Along with a computer, each kid has a Pesterchum screen name related to their interests and/or personalities.
 * 11) *John's screen name is ectoBiologist. It hints at his interest in Ghostbusters and the paranormal. It used to be ghostyTrickster until he changed it to avoid the trolls. The term is actually used by Terezi to describe John right before John changes his screen name (""). This gives him the idea for a new handle.
 * 12) *Rose's tentacleTherapist screen name shows her interest in eldritch horrors, psychoanalysis and wordplay.
 * 13) *Dave's turntechGodhead screen name indicates both his love for DJing and his large ego. Also a probable reference to Godhead Pickle Inspector.
 * 14) *Jade, gardenGnostic, has been shown to have uncanny insight in events that haven't happened yet and is interested in horticulture. This also refers to Gnostics, who believe the world was created by a being other than god, much like how the trolls created our universe.
 * 15) *Jane's screen name is gutsyGumshoe, referring to her interests in detectives such as Problem Sleuth.
 * 16) *Roxy's username is tipsyGnostalgic. The chumhandle tipsyGnostalgic relates to Roxy's alcoholic tendencies. Tipsy is a term used to describe a disoriented drunk. Gnostalgic is a newly founded distillery in Seattle, WA, further cementing Roxy's love of alcohol. Gnostalgic also seems to be a combination of the words gnostic and nostalgic, hinting the Lalondes' love for wordplay.
 * 17) *Dirk's chumhandle is timaeusTestified, which is most likely a reference to Plato's dialogue, Timaeus, which discusses the Demiurge, a GOD-LIKE BEING who CREATED THE UNIVERSE as a SORT OF LIVING CREATURE. In the Gospel of Mark, Timaeus is the father of the blind man who was cured by Jesus.
 * 18) *Jake's chumhandle is golgothasTerror, which hints his interest in skulls (Golgotha meaning "place of the skull").
 * 19) In addition to a computer, each kid has a portable way of communicating.
 * 20) *John has his father's PDA, and the Serious Business Goggles as a "nice hands-free communication solution."
 * 21) *Rose's laptop was portable, thanks to the hub acquired in the lab, and later combined the two with her hairband, making a Hubtopband. She calls it a "a convenient hands-free computing device."
 * 22) *Dave has his phone, but alternate timeline Dave combined it with his sunglasses to form a new device, the iShades. It is currently unknown how pleasant a hands-free device it is.
 * 23) *Jade's computer is a laptop in a lunchbox - a Lunchtop. She made Lunchmuffs by combining her lunchtop with earmuffs, Junior Compu-Sooth Spectagoggles using her lunchtop and Sooth Specs, and a Warm Fuzzy Squiddlejacket and Squiddlesneaks using her outfit, the lunchtop, and one of her grandfather's furry trophies. Each of these is also a computer.
 * 24) *Jane has the Crockercorp Unreal Heiress Thoughtwave Tiaratop, though it has a downside in that it spreads subliminal messages to the wearer.
 * 25) *Jake, like Jade, has several portable computers taking shape of his shoes, shirt, etc, which make him look ridiculous (and like his namesake ). However, he seems to prefer his near-fully-head-covering Skulltop helmet. He also has a phone similar to Dave's.
 * 26) *Roxy has a PDA/phone.
 * 27) *Dirk is able to access pesterchum on the go through his shades, which also houses the Auto Responder.
 * 28) An item from Problem Sleuth appears in their room.
 * 29) *John's item is the Hammer. It serves as a normal hammer and as the weapon of choice for John and his Strife Specibus.
 * 30) *Rose's item is the Ink of Squid Pro Quo. Rose combines the bottle with gushers to make poisonous black gushers.
 * 31) *Dave's item is the fabled Sunglasses. He's currently wearing them in an ironic gesture.
 * 32) *Jade does not have the Pumpkin in her greenhouse. To suggest so would be foolish. There is, however, a non-functional plug-in window in her room.
 * 33) Additionally, each kid owns a poster containing something about Problem Sleuth or related to it in a fashion.
 * 34) *John has the poster of Problem Sleuth being exceptionally hard boiled. He is the hero, after all. He also has the Problem Sleuth videogame.
 * 35) *Rose has a poster of Beasts, to support her interest in the Lovecraftian horrors.
 * 36) *Dave is in possession of posters of the Midnight Crew and The Felt which ironically, is not really a part of Problem Sleuth at all. He also has a poster of the pattern on DMK's head.
 * 37) *Jade possesses a book titled Problem Sooth which is a rather silly misinterpretation of Problem Sleuth. It shows the first page of Problem Sleuth wearing a turban instead of his signature hat.
 * 38) *Jane is a huge fan of Problem Sleuth, which in the post-Scratch universe is a book and not a game, and has a couple of PS posters on her wall.
 * 39) *Jake has a poster of, the leader of , who are enemies to the Midnight Crew who, in turn, are enemies of Team Sleuth.
 * 40) It appears that the children in Homestuck each have an Associated Classical Element, evidenced by both their choice of web browser and the weather outside their house. This Classical associated element seems to be reflected by a vice that their caretaker indulges in.
 * 41) *John's associated element is wind. His web browser is Typheus, a reference to the hundred-headed serpent who was the father of the winds. Before being plunged into the meta-reality of Sburb, the weather outside his house was a light, breezy day. His planet, the Land of Wind and Shade, is filled with wind-blowing pipes. John's Dad frequently smokes.
 * 42) *Rose's associated element is water. Her web browser is Cetus, the monstrous personification of the sea and various terrors held within. Her house was situated directly on top of a river was under a severe rainstorm. Her planet, the Land of Light and Rain, is almost entirely ocean, with many rainclouds. Rose's Mother has a drinking problem.
 * 43) *Dave's associated element is fire. His browser is Hephaestus, the god of the forge. Wherever Dave lives, it is currently hot. So hot. This is ironic because Dave is so goddamn cool. His associated color is also red, the color most commonly associated with fire and heat. His planet, the Land of Heat and Clockwork, is filled with lava. Dave's Bro creates Puppet pornography with flamingly homoerotic overtones.
 * 44) *Jade's associated element is earth. Her browser is Echidna, the monster daughter of Gaia who lived in a cave. She lives on a remote, Pacific volcanic atoll. A good portion of her residence consists of greenhouses. Her planet, the Land of Frost and Frogs, is largely forested. Her grandfather was seemingly stricken with wanderlust, or addicted to traveling the Earth. Alternatively, there is the fact that he was taxidermied, rather than being buried in the earth like a normal person. Also, Becquerel consumes radioactive materials which have come into contact with rare Earth elements.
 * 45) Each kid would have a suit connected to them via the four elements of the minor arcana of a basic tarot deck.
 * 46) *John is affiliated to wind and therefore spades/sword. Young John wears a spade shirt.
 * 47) *Rose is affiliated to water and therefore hearts/cup. Maplehoof has (what can only be described as) a heart-shaped “cutie mark”
 * 48) *Dave is affiliated to fire and therefore clubs/wand, although, strangely, it was he rather than Rose who wore an article of clothing emblazoned with a heart: the bib he wore as a baby. It was made by Dave's Bro from Maplehoof's hide.
 * 49) *Jade is affiliated to earth and therefore diamonds/coin. Jade's Skaianet shirt has a logo in the shape of a diamond..
 * 50) The kids each have a planet associated with them in the Medium.
 * 51) *John's planet is the Land of Wind and Shade.
 * 52) *Rose's planet is the Land of Light and Rain.
 * 53) *Dave's planet is the Land of Heat and Clockwork.
 * 54) *Jade's planet is the Land of Frost and Frogs.
 * 55) *Jane's planet is the Land of Crypts and Helium.
 * 56) *Roxy's planet is the Land of Pyramids and Neon.
 * 57) *Dirk's planet is the Land of Tombs and Krypton.
 * 58) *Jake's planet is the Land of Mounds and Xenon.
 * 59) Each of the kids except for Jade has a poorly drawn picture hanging up on his or her fridge.
 * 60) *John drew an image of the green slime ghost about one week before the story started. His Dad hung it up using a jester magnet. Similarly, Jane drew an image of the beast on her shirt.
 * 61) *Rose made a portrait of her late cat Jaspers, accompanied by a poem, when she was young. Her Mother purchased a $15,000 frame and had it welded to the freezer door. Thus began a constant battle of passive-aggressive one-upmanship.
 * 62) *Dave drew a picture of Sweet Bro which was hung on the fridge by a GameBro magnet (no doubt an ironic statement) until the magnet was dislodged by a shuriken.
 * 63) *Jade's fridge is tiny and portable, so she can't really hang up anything on it.
 * 64) *Jane's fridge has a blue beast drawing, similar to John's green slime ghost drawing.
 * 65) The kids have a large doll loafing around in the home thanks to their authority figure. They make the best of these by customizing it to fit their interests. These are also used for prototyping the Kernelsprite.
 * 66) *John's father gave a him a large harlequin for his birthday, which John equipped with his Fake Arms. This was his tier one prototyping.
 * 67) *Rose's mother bought her a Pretty Princess doll which Rose turned into an Eldritch Princess by knitting a new head and tentacles for it. This was her tier two prototyping.
 * 68) *Bro's favorite puppet, Lil Cal, has been following Dave for a while. Other than deluding himself into thinking it is cool and not at all creepy, Dave has not done anything to change it. It was mangled viciously by Dave's Bro at the end of their confrontation. It was his tier two prototyping in an alternate timeline, though his future self was the tier two prototyping for the current timeline.
 * 69) *Jade's Granddad has four dolls set up in the grand foyer: a mummy dressed with a Napoleon-styled hat, a knight wearing an expensive looking suit, a woman with a blue wig and a man with a head of a deer. Whether these were from Jade playing dress-up with them or they were like that from the start is unknown. Though John attempted to prototype with the blue-wigged woman, Vriska prevented this by putting him to sleep with her powers.
 * 70) Each home has a remembrance of a once-living object. These are used in prototyping the Kernelsprite.
 * 71) *John has his Grandmother's ashes preserved in an urn on his fireplace's mantle. This was his tier two prototyping.
 * 72) *Rose's pet cat Jaspers is in a mausoleum in her backyard. This was her tier one prototyping.
 * 73) *Dave has an entire collection of deceased creatures, displayed proudly on a shelf in his bedroom. He also has the fresh corpse of a crow sitting on a nearby rooftop. Also, in Strife with his Bro, Lil Cal was maimed. The crow was used as his tier one prototyping, and Lil Cal was used by alternate future Dave for tier two.
 * 74) *Jade has the stuffed remains of her grandfather as well as all of his various hunting trophies and decrepit mummies. Though Jade was planning to use her grandpa for prototyping, his remains were teleported into space by Becquerel. She also has the stuffed remains of her dream self in an unused lab atop her house, which was used for tier two prototyping.
 * 75) *Jane has the stuffed remains of her Poppop who is holding John's old copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery.
 * 76) *Jake has his Grandma's ashes, guns, and old tech.
 * 77) Each kid has a weakness that sometimes blocks communication.
 * 78) *John sometimes often buries his PDA within his Sylladex or forcefully ejects it and is prone to being inundated with commands or questions from the Wayward Vagabond.
 * 79) *Rose has a limited lifespan on her laptop. She also often loses connection due to the inclement weather outside.
 * 80) *Dave is prone to bursting into rap. He goes on for long period of time and is difficult to interrupt. He also has a poor record for avoiding plush rumps and spongy proboscises.
 * 81) *Jade is narcoleptic. She's prone to falling asleep at critical moments. This is later revealed to be her dream self waking on Prospit. Jade "passes" the habit when the other kids start to awaken on their planets (Derse for Rose and Dave, Prospit for John, although John never woke up on Prospit, per se). This narcolepsy is eventually revealed to be, at least in part, due to Vriska's influence.
 * 82) *Roxy is drunk almost all the time and has "blackouts".
 * 83) *Jake gets KO'd on numerous occasion through various hijinx.
 * 84) *Dirk, due to him operating his dream self and normal self at the same time goes into sorts of daydreams when he is especially preoccupied with controlling his dream self.
 * 85) Once they gained access to alchemy, each kid created their own signature weapon(s):
 * 86) *John has The Pogo Hammer and the Telescopic Sassacrusher.
 * 87) *Rose has the needlewands and the Thorns of Oglogoth.
 * 88) *Dave has Caledscratch and the Snoop Dogg Snow Cone Machete.
 * 89) *Jade has GIRLS BEST FRIEND and THE GREEN SUN STREETSWEEPER.
 * 90) It seems that each of the kids has some sort of subconscious problem caused by their dream selves that manifests itself in them drawing on various objects and forcing themselves not to see what they drew, with the scribblings having a strong relation to the story.
 * 91) *John drew harlequins on his bedroom wall. He initially thought that the imps did it.
 * 92) *Rose has written the word "MEOW" repeatedly along her bedroom walls, as well as one of her journals. When dream Rose awakened, she found out that this establishes the relation between online handles and genetics.
 * 93) *Dave has the likenesses of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff (JPEG artifacts and all) on his.
 * 94) *Jade likely does not have this problem, as her dream self is already awake, but it's compensated with her silly nature. Her dream self wrote good-luck messages and happy faces on John's wall to wake up his dream self, though.
 * 95) *Jake has written "BARK" repeatedly in one of his journals, which is now in Roxy's possession.
 * 96) All their Guardians (except Bec, who self-prototyped Jade's kernelsprite and could be considered dead in a sense, and Jane's Dad) have died, three of them because of Jack Noir and three of them because of the Condesce.

Actions and Reactions
As the kids are stumbling through their respective homes doing their daily tasks, each of them goes through a series of mix-ups and accidents that occur. They also react similarly to certain happenings that each kid encounters in their home.
 * 1) Each kid suffers a trial with their Sylladex.
 * 2) *John suffers the most with his Sylladex, not even understanding how it works, and launches things constantly out his window. At one point, he also combines several objects together that clearly should not be combined. He has to captchalogue obscene amounts of useless items to get to items he needs.
 * 3) *Rose's Sylladex is a constant hassle. Notably easier to work with than the others, Rose can retrieve and captchalogue items at will. The downside is that choosing an item may cause the others to break and crash to the floor.
 * 4) *Dave's Sylladex is the most powerful, albeit unwieldy. He is able to captchalogue whatever he likes provided it doesn't cause a collision in his Sylladex in his hash function. He is easily able to retrieve items at will provided he uses a verb with the same hash function as the item. The trouble stems that the hash function recognizes any verb that comes from him and will HS 2254 (react) accordingly.
 * 5) *Jade's Sylladex is a composition of multiple Fetch Modi, all based on popular board games. The one she uses the most is Memory, and she's able to work with it easily due to her ability to predict where the two cards are that make up the item she Captchalogued. For fun, she decides to let the Player try, but they wind up deploying all her fruit.
 * 6) *Jane doesn't seem to suffer from her Sylladex much; in fact, it is useful in that it gives the possible alchemy combinations for her items (but since she can't see the combinations unless she already has the item, this is completely useless).
 * 7) *Jake's Sylladex is fairly straightforward; so long as he can fit the card into the space allotted by the sylladex, he can captchalogue whatever he wants. He seems to take advantage of this with reckless abandon, captchaloguing one giant mystery item as well as individual bullets. He can maneuver cards to make them fit, but if he doesn't take the time to make space, all the items causing issues will be knocked out.
 * 8) *Roxy's Sylladex is also straightforward; Her items are stored in bottles which are in turn stored on a winerack, to retrieve the item, she breaks the bottle. If she tries to captchalogue something while it's full, the item still goes inside the bottle and lands on the ground, but she can freely retrieve and swap them.
 * 9) *Dirk's Sylladex works on a basis conducive to Sylladex-based rapping. It functions as a grid wherein the items in each row must be of a similar thematic nature, and the items in each column must rhyme. For example, there is an entire row dedicated to orange sodas, and a column for items that rhyme with "rush" (Geromy PLUSH, Orange CRUSH). This system of rhymes/themes is a reference to one of Hussie's earlier comics, AND IT DON'T STOP. While rapping, if he ends his line with the name of the item, his Sylladex will launch it toward his opponent. Like with Dave's Hashmap modus, he sometimes has to come up with clever names for items in order to make them fit with the system.
 * 10) They also modify their sylladices in some way.
 * 11) *John picks up the Queue modus and adds that to his Stack, allowing for a little more convenience. Eventually, he also gets the Array modus, which would have allowed him to simply get anything he wanted at any time, but he deemed that "boring" and quickly applied all three to his Modus Control Deck, giving him an array of Queuestacks, because "this is just the sort of needless complexity [he had] come to expect from [his] inventory management system."
 * 12) *Rose reconfigures her Tree so that she can grab any Leaf card, as well as turning off the "mystifying" auto-balance function.
 * 13) *Dave programs his hash map to use Scrabble Points function instead of the usual "Consonants = 2 Vowels = 1."
 * 14) *Jade gets bored of Memory, so she switches it up and tries out the Jenga modus; each item captchalogued splits into 3 blocks, which are then randomly placed in the tower. However, Jade proves to be a terrible Jenga player, so she quickly switches to Pictionary. To captchalogue an item, she must draw it. If the game thinks she drew something she doesn't have (such as a picture of Charles Dutton) it will provide a "ghost image," and the captcha code will appear on the card. Since many of her items are difficult to draw, this make for more "Sylladex trials."
 * 15) *Jane, before getting the Recipe Modus, has had some previous moduses that she doesn't want to remember, such as Fibonacci Heap.
 * 16) The kids all have an authority figure that shares a similar, yet different taste than the kid. The kid also has an opinion on their authority figure that causes them to believe something about them that may not be true. This typically causes Strife between the two.
 * 17) *John's guardian is his Dad. Dad enjoys Harlequins and loves to pull pranks. John believes his Dad's doting on him is insincere and that the constant amount of Cake he is baking is made to spite him.
 * 18) *Rose's guardian is her Mother. Mother prefers conventional wizards and goes to great lengths to decorate her house with the most extravagant finger-wigglers known to man. Rose believes that her Mother is just using cruel irony to irritate her, but it's possible that Mother has more genuine empathy toward her daughter than Rose believes.
 * 19) *Dave's guardian is his Bro. Dave is not irritated toward Bro's preference toward Puppets nor does he believe Bro is doing something to annoy him, though he seems to be under the impression that Bro's fondness for them is purely an ironic gesture, despite evidence to the contrary.
 * 20) * Jade lives with her Grandpa. Their confrontations have been known as intense and he is commonly considered a bit of a badass. He collects suits of armor, big game hunting trophies, and decrepit mummies, the latter two Jade doesn't like.
 * 21) *Jade's grandpa is a decoy; her pet Becquerel is her real Guardian. He is a loyal pet and a good friend who loves playing fetch with Jade. He can be a little overprotective and prohibits her from exploring the neighboring frog temple for her own safety.
 * 22) **Alternatively, the role of Guardian is split between Becquerel and her grandfather.
 * 23) *Post-scratch, Dad is now Jane's guardian. His interests this time include detectives and pranks.
 * 24) When first making it outside, a famous quote (or lyric) is thought of by the kid, but attributed to the wrong person.
 * 25) *John Egbert gets the notion that his François de La Rochefoucauld quote was made by Walt Whitman.
 * 26) *Rose Lalonde feels that Charles Barkley is the one responsible for her quote when it was really T.S. Eliot.
 * 27) *Dave Strider thinks about Snoop Dogg lyrics but attributes them to John Keats.
 * 28) *Jade has been outside, but no such quote has appeared so far, possibly due to the fact that Jade lives in the middle of the ocean and thus is never exposed to a lot of the outside world. When she enters the Medium, however, a piece of a Shakespeare quote attached to a larger passage which describes her planet is attributed to Charles S. Dutton.
 * 29) While playing Sburb, each kid's bed is moved, usually to their chagrin.
 * 30) *In order to save John from becoming a stain on his roof, Rose catches him with his bed. Earlier, when he attempted to make a fort out of his bed sheet, Rose got him focused at the task at hand by tossing it into the abyss.
 * 31) *In order to make room for the Totem Lathe, Dave drops Rose's bed into the inferno outside her home.
 * 32) *While trying to find a suitable spot for the Cruxtruder, Jade moves Dave's bed to the roof.
 * 33) *Jade is ejected from her bed while still sleeping in it by the explosion of her Dreambot at the end of Act 4. She safely lands on it in Act 5 Act 2.
 * 34) The post-scratch kids share similarities with each of the pre-scratch kids. The pattern is that the two kids who have the same chumhandle initials share traits.
 * 35) *Jane, like Jade, is very fun-loving and silly. They are both optimistic and enthusiastic. Both are also "sheltered" children; Jane for being the heiress of Crockercorp, and Jade for living on a remote island. They both have familial links to the batterwitch, and both seem to come from exceedingly wealthy families as a result.
 * 36) *Roxy, like Dave, is very courageous and open. Roxy types like Dave [but with a typo here and there every so often] and is comfortable with talking about peculiar topics. Both are also avid users of slang.
 * 37) *Dirk, like Rose, is very eloquent and intellectual. Both like to contemplate things the other kids dub "boring". Both also type with perfect grammar and syntax [though Dirk uses bro-puns].
 * 38) *Jake, like John, is very straightforward and adventurous. They like to wander around and are both movie lovers [though Jake is a little indiscriminate].

Trivia

 * In alphabetical order by the kids' (both sessions) first names, their pesterchum text colors make up a rainbow.
 * It appears that the B2 kids have a harder time dealing with each other's emotions and behaviours than the B1 kids. This is particularly evident in recent events: Jane abandons the team after an argument with Jake, Jake puts a large distance between himself and Dirk, Roxy (after getting teleported by GCat) fails to contact Jake and Dirk(however she only failed to contact Dirk because of Lil Hal) and in turn seems to be angry at the rest of the team.
 * This may be a reference to how they're based on Noble gases, which are unable to form bonds.
 * All of the kids, pre- and post-Scratch, have first names four letters long, which may be in reference to the original Final Fantasy, in which the player takes command of four characters with four-letter names. Jack does as well, but this probably doesn't mean anything.
 * The similarities between pre- and post-scratch kids also deal with their chathandles. Rose and Dirk share TT, Roxy and Dave share TG, Jade and Jane share GG.  John's original handle (ghostyTrickster) shares GT with Jake.