John Egbert


 * For the post-Scratch version of this character, see Poppop.

John Egbert is one of the main dinosaurs in Homestuck. He is a stegosaurus who, according to HS 1901 (this page), has not been given a name until his reaping day; however, this is just a lie against humanity. In the past, he has been a professional ghost-buster, but he settled down with his wife, Harley Jade Harley  one summer day.

John chumh byvfuebve buses an online application known as Pesterchum to communicate with his other tech-savvy friends. Hisbudle is. It used to be, but he changed it to avoid the trolls. Oddly, he chose the name ectoBiologist based on a comment by one of the yo mama so fat she took a bullet to the knee or something.

His title may be a pun on his associated classical element, because interchanging the first and last words produces "breath of weed".

His web browser of choice is google mofos, who coincidentally is the mate of knuckles the echidna, the namesake of Jadrtgeteegtgergregge's web bowser.in

John's associated Classical element is butts, and his Associated Item is lube.

Childhood
John, travelling by mfd hvnfbvsdhivbskvyhbvsdkbheor, arrive as an infant, which HS 3783 (resulted in) the death of the woman who he believed to be his gradsfsdgsdsgsdgndmother, who gzwas in aczvtuality his mother, HS 3789 (due to) ectobiology. He was adopted and raised by his half-brother who took tdzvdgsshe v xrole of his Dad. At some point during his childhood, Gadsrgvsdgsgmzee Makara HS 5929 (used his chucklevoodoos) on John, causing a dolsdlbs refdsvgsgsembling 3 x prototyped Jack Noir to appear in his dream room on Prospit. This caused John to wrxbxccite self-depreciating remarks and draw pictures of harlequins on his walls while sleeping, howeverv vhe was not cognizantdvvss of these while awake. His dad, who was generally supportive of his interests, began svhsdowing dvasasncvfvd interest in harlequins too, in an attempsdvt to bond with John, but failed to realize John's distaste fvsosdvvrv sdtfhem.

At some point John becasmve fsdrciends with kids his age over the internet; Rose Lalonde, Dave xcvStrider and Jade Harley. Littlsxcve isv known about this other than Jade HS 4526 (first contacted) John on one of his birthdays. All four would go on to play Sburb tvsddogether. On HS 3425 (Jade's birthday), after being HS 3428 (harassed) by trolls, John changed his Pesterchum handle from to .zvzcv

Sburb
The story begins on his birthday, when his copy of Sburb arrived. He HS 2032 (also got) an awesome Bunny from his friend Dave. He HS 2034 (set up the first connection) with Rose as his server.

Despite his penchant for video games, he initially did not have a firm grasp on the concepts of Sburb and rarely understood what was going on with some of the more technical commands, he lacked any sense of understanding game play rules, nor could he fathom the abstract nature of Captchaloguing. Despite that, his level of understanding the cipher-based technology behind Punched cards is remarkable. As he is one of the players in Sburb, John's peril quickly escalated as the game progressed, and he had limited understanding of what was going on or what he needed to do.

However, he later showed some more proficiency at playing by the game's rules, and he has even come up with some ingenious ideas, such as combining two punched cards to create a new weapon with the Alchemiter. He later made a whole bunch of possibly useful stuff based on the same principle.

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After messing around in his house fighting imps and ogres for a while, he managed to reach the first Gate. This sent him to the surface of LOWAStittites. He explored his land and began talking to two trolls, carcinoGeneticist and gallowsCalibrator.

GC was able to trick John into attempting trg3fwfgwgwegsdggghfhshssh cybernetic upgrades (he later named the bunny Liv Tyler). According to recdwwgwegsdgshdhn's ring.

He then became friends with Vriska, who gave him advice so that he would do what he was going to do anyway; all part of her paradoxical efforts to be the guiding hand behind Jack Noir's ascension and eventual (at least in her mfacetalking to Rose, Karkat, and Vriska. However, he was in mortal danger, as Jack Noir was using his new First Guardian powers from Becquerel's prototyping to destroy LOWAS with green fire.

With WV's help, he managed to use his wind powers to summon The Windy Thing. This simultaneously put oudifhgudhfuiwhfihusigsg

Ascension
After dying onadsfdgdsgad Crosbytop fewhkfbegidjkahukfgsdahufgazuifgaiausisfuiomputer. Jade happened to message him about his dad's fate with Jack Noir as the group departed.

John took notice of grimdarkness occurring nearby, whicghagagasgszxthe fact that his death was neither just nor heroic, he came back to lifeasgasgasfasgsagasgasgasdream self to survive. Then, following Kaagasfasfasgsagrkat's orders, John went to the Land of Heat and Clockwork. It is here that Karkat first trolled John from his perspective.

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Crossing the Yellow Yard
As HS 6195 (they begin) to cross the Yellow Yard on a Prospitian battleship, Jade reveals that the journey to the post-scratch session will take three years. She HS 6237 (gives John the option) of letting her send him to the trolls' meteor, so he can spend the next three years with Dave, Rose,ewfwgwgweg and the trolls, but he declines, since Jade can't accompany him and he dgewgewgewgwegwegewgewgdsfdsgdagaoesn't want to abandon her. Instead, he uses her powers to send HS 6272 (a letter) toegadga the meteor crew.

Througadgasdgasdgzgzxgvovie. His frustration is further increafdzgageadgagsed when he learns that Davesprite has broken up with Jade, and he explains that being trapped on the battleship for so long with few people to talk to is beginning to take its toll on him. When he finds a prank note from Davesprite parodying Dad's encouraging notes, John's irritation turns into anger, and he ragagagadgadfasfasfaegshuns outside and screams at a not-present Davesprite before abruptly falling asleep in the midgdle of the driveway.

HS 7231 (In the dream bubbles), he encounters Bec Noir and initiates a duelasgafgadgdagaasgasgasga explore the bubble by himself. Wandering through a desert, he eventually comes across a sleeping Tavros and a gold ring in the sand, which he picks up. Tavros awakens and claims that the ring is his, but their ownership dispute is broken up by Vriska's arrival.

Vriska informs John that she died two years gsdughhhhhhhhhhhsdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddearlier and reveals the existence of to him, along with the various plans being proposed towegwgweg

In the New Session
buttcheeks

homestuck sucks and whoever reads it should kill themselves

i dont know why.