Jake English

Jake English is a young man living on a Pacific Island in the room that used to belong to Jade Harley in the pre-scratch universe. When an attempt was made to name him, it was revealed that he, like Jane, already had a name allocated to his placronym on his thirteenth birthday. Not that it really matters though, as you would have probably just stuck him with some vulgar, childish moniker like HS 6019 ("Barfbreath Turdsmirk.") His chumhandle is. His browser of choice is Abraxas.

Biography
He is Jade's mysterious pen-pal and signs his letters to her as J. He helped Jade work on John's present, providing the four weapons. He mentions in his letter that, while the bunny was his idea, someone else was "twisting his arm" to get him to make it. It is shown HS 6081 (here) that it was Calliope that was doing the aforementioned arm-twisting.

He has access to a transmaterializer, and uses it to send the modified bunny to Jade, despite his residence in a universe entirely different from Jade's own.

In his letters, he claimed to be Jade's grandson and Jade believes him because she felt like she was "talking to family." Strictly speaking, however, this is not true; it is a misunderstanding, based on them living into two different versions of Earth. In Jake's universe, Grandma English, who is genetically Jade but lived a very different life, is his adoptive Grandmother.

He was present in Jane's dream of Prospit the night before the release of the Sburb Alpha, meaning that he is a Prospit dreamer. Jake's dream self HS 6115 (is dead), having being killed on the Condesce's orders; his cause of death was being fed peanuts by the Courtyard Droll as he slept, indicating that he shares John's allergy of peanuts.

Jake used to own a HS 6378 (private journal) before it was appearified by Roxy Lalonde. It was shown to contain a series of letters spelling the word, not unlike the code found in Rose's journal that was used to create Becquerel.

In order to finish his present to John, Jake needed some uranium, which he was lacking from all his machines because he stripped them to power his Transmaterializer. After a conversation with Dirk's auto-responder, Jake realizes that he has to fight Dirk's extremely skilled robot in order to get it. He ventures outside, where he is attacked by various Lusus-like creatures, before finally getting cornered. As a sea goat lusus goes to attack him, Dirk's Brobot bleats ironically and strategically to fill Dave's ongoing gag, saves his life, and promptly HS 6472 (beats the crap out of him).

After surviving the battle, Jake levels up, but blacks out. In his dream he meets a new dead troll, who waves to him. When he wakes up, he pesters Roxy about Dirk and the troll, calling her (the troll) the girl of his dreams. After that he pesters Jane about whether she likes him or not, and upon her claiming that she doesn't have an interest in him, he tells of what he believes to be Dirk's overly long courtship process and his intent to make a move on it. Meanwhile, Brobot rips the uranium out of chest and smashes it to pieces, before blowing up behind Jake.

Sometime after Brobot blows up, Jake loses consciousness again after falling down from the elevator inside the frog temple, due to an earthquake presumably caused by the volcano's increased activity. His trusty Skulltop is the only reason he survives the fall, but it breaks upon impact.

Jake wakes up in a dream bubble, though is initially unaware of it. He relives a previous conversation with Dirk (although this is really a thought-generated version of Dirk, also known as brain ghost Dirk), who tells him about Roxy's Mom and his Bro, and explains what has happened on Earth through the Condesce's influence as of 2422. Aranea Serket soon enters the dream bubble and converses with him about a multitude of things, essentially bringing Jake up to speed on what's been going on so far. She tells him about her belief that he is destined to face in combat and win, providing the demon with his very first defeat. She eventually takes him further into the dream bubble, where Meenah, Dave, Rose, WV, and the surviving post-scratch trolls await.

Meenah and Aranea jointly sum up the Sgrub adventures of the pre-scratch trolls, as well as their post-scratch counterpart lives. Jake eventually realizes that Meenah and the Condesce are technically the same person and attacks her, believing (incorrectly) that, if he kills her, he can prevent what her post-scratch self eventually does to Earth as of Dirk and Roxy's time. He leaps, landing on Meenah, and quickly punches the dead Pisces troll. Aranea intervenes on behalf of her friend, hitting Jake over the head with Meenah's Trident, causing him to vanish from the dream bubble and awake in the Frog Temple.

Jake continues towards the Lotus Time Capsule and waits for the four extremely powerful weapons to emerge. Using Terry Kiser's green and red eyes, he monstrositified some DELICIOUS FRUIT and infinitesimalized the remains of his house, which was taking up the majority of the space in his Puzzle Modus. When the weapons finally arrived, he gave them to Terry Kiser and sent him on his merry way into the pre-scratch universe, where Terry would go on to become Liv Tyler (and cease to exist).

Jake was later seen by Jane on a burning Derse, arriving there through the Derse transportalizer in the bottom of the Frog Temple. Jake then witnesses Jane's death, and in his grief, fails to heed Dirk's directive to leave Derse. Instead, Lil' Seb leaps across the chasm and grabs Jake, taking him back to Earth using the transportaliser, and flying him from the Frog Temple to his house, where Roxy has finished preparing the equipment needed for him to enter the Medium. During their flight, a dragon Lusus sees them, and causes an explosion (much like what Pyralspite did to Mindfang). Lil' Seb got thrown into the lagoon, while Jake puts on his Skulltop to prepare for impact. He fails to land on his head, however, and is then knocked unconscious (yet again) on the remains of his house. He wakes up when someone splashes a bucket of water on him, only to see Dirk's sendificated head. The Auto-Responder goads Jake to kiss the head to revive Dirk, and Jake, after finally doing it, looks behind him and freaks out upon seeing Dirk (still holding the bucket), Roxy, and Jane.

When he enters the game to escape his island's volcano, he is transported to the Land of Mounds and Xenon, featuring many of his favorite interests. Eventually, after 153 days in the Medium, he has created an outfit very similar to that of video game treasure hunter Lara Croft, now with a Sweet Bro tattoo on his own arm and dual golden pistols resembling 's weapon. He is seen to be fighting his own skeletal Underlings before joining up with Dirk in the Land of Tombs and Krypton, now in a suit like John's and a Skulltop gas mask as they are about to ambush some passing Underlings.

He later covers his Sweet Bro tattoo with the long-awaited Geromy sticker.

Caliborn talks to him at a later point in time and recruits him as a "patron manbro", and proceeds to give him his uROBuROS Juju code.

After being kicked in the groin by Trickster Mode Jane, he engages Trickster Mode himself. Once Dirk engages Trickster Mode as well, Jake asks him to join the marriage double reacharound the others are planning. Dirk, mentally unaffected by the Trickster Mode, instead ends their relationship.

By the end of Act 6 Act 5 Act 2, Jake and the other kids have reappeared in the crypts of the moons of Prospit and Derse on their respective sacrificial slabs, disengaged from Trickster Mode and in dizzying pain. When the Prospit and Derse moons are destroyed, Jake is killed along with the others and ascends to god tier.

Soon after, he is dragged off to the Condesce by Jane, who is put under control of the Condesce by means of Jane's Betty Crocker tiaratop computer. He was then seen in a Dersite prison cell, with Jane approaching him. Jane tells him that he is to become her slave husband, and breed all the heirs to the Condesce's empire once she inherits it. This causes Jake to cry, before seeing brain ghost Dirk, who tells him that he can become real if he believes in him, similar to what Tavros says about Rufio.

Game Over Timeline
Some time later, while he is asleep, the newly-resurrected Aranea HS 8475 (enters his cell) and wakes him up. She offers to help him unlock his full Page potential by using her powers to repair his emotional damage if he agrees to cooperate with her plan to defeat.

Though he rejects her and her romantic advances, Aranea forcibly heals him anyway, and Jake begins to emit a bright white aura that destroys the surrounding area and creates multiple angels. He then goes on to proclaim several antiquated phrases. Jade then switches Derse with the Land of Frost and Frogs to prevent its further destruction. She then attempts to subdue Jake with her own aura powered by the Green Sun, but is overwhelmed by Jake's ever expanding power. Jake continues to scream random antiquated phrases until stabbed by Jane's red Skaia fork. As this death was neither Heroic nor Just, he revives quickly, only to be met with Gamzee and Terezi fighting viciously.



Out of his element, he meekly attempts to intervene. Rose fires some form of magic at the two of them, which strikes Jake's platform and launches him onto another one closer to Jane. Shortly after this, the Condesce arrives and Aranea shakes Jane off, then propels Dirk's unbreakable katana towards her. Jake jumps in front of the sword, saving her only briefly, as Aranea simply flings Jake into Jane, the sword stabbing through both of their chests. Their deaths were permanent: his Heroic, hers Just.

Caliborn's Masterpiece
In Act 6 Act 6 Act 5, in the future events dramatized by Caliborn, Jake appears along with the seven other Alpha and Beta kids to fight Caliborn after he defeats Yaldabaoth. After Dirk is beaten up by Caliborn, Jake throws a HS 9333 (""). This overpowers Caliborn, who is given his first defeat, just as prophesied. Caliborn states that he now respects Jake, and takes his name,. This makes an ontological paradox, as Jake's grandmother originally changed their last name to English because it was the one name the Condesce feared — her master's.

New Timeline
In Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5, Jake sits on the Skaia victory platform in the retconned session. After John appears, Jake finds himself very flustered and shy when talking to his biological son. When Vriska assigns teams to deal with various threats, Jake and Tavrosprite are assigned to deal with Spades Slick.

Personality and Traits
Jake loves adventure and brawling, and writes in a very peculiar fashion. It would appear that Jake shares a number of things in common with John, including his appreciation for movies (in his mind, both good and shitty movies are complete masterpieces) and his allergy to peanuts. He has a fond regard for blue-skinned ladies and for SPIDER-GIRLS, traits shared with his pre-scratch self. He dislikes monsters (though this is HS 6171 (completely justified)), which is in keeping with Grandpa's extensive collection of "trophies".

Despite his action-loving mood and ornate vocabulary, Jake is not very assertive and extremely clueless socially, giving the "I'm so glad we're friends" talk to two interested girls within the span of hours. He is also quite dense, not getting on Dirk's obvious hints regarding Jane's grandfather. Growing up alone in a jungle with no physical people to interact with seems to be the cause. Also because of this he is shown to be incredibly self-centered albeit unintentionally, going weeks at a time without ever talking to Jane after entering the session, only speaking to her when wanting to talk about himself. His aloof loner-upbringing has also caused him to be unused to close relationships, and is hasty to contemplate breaking up with Dirk because of his enjoyment of being on his own.

His 13 year old self was basically the same, although he got sweaty when he thought Dirk was going to confess to him, similar to Equius in that respect.

After his relationship with Dirk ended and Jane got mad at him, his confidence greatly suffered from it. He believed everyone to hate him, not only because he messed up their relationships but because he believed himself to be unlikable. As result he became scared of interacting with most people, Tavros sole being the exception. He also cries pretty easily when he is pushed too far or his confidence gets too low.

Relationships
All the other post-scratch kids have had a romantic interest in Jake, although Roxy has stepped down because she does not want to put her friendships with Dirk and Jane into jeopardy. Neither Jane nor Dirk had explicitly revealed their feelings to Jake, although he suspects them both to be interested in him and has entertained the thought of ending up with either of them. When he addressed Jane on the matter, she denied her feelings for him as she was too nervous or perhaps unprepared for his question. Jake is surprised but relieved since it makes the situation seem less complicated for him, and goes on to confess that he believes he and Dirk may be a suitable match. Jane then freaks out HS 6488 (here), HS 6490 (here), and HS 6493 (especially here) but never shows her disappointment/fears to Jake. This may mean she has more feelings for him than implied.

He also seems to have a crush on Aranea, but thinks she is just a figment of his imagination until his subconscious in Dirk's form sets him straight.

Ever since Dirk told him the truth about living in the future and the Condesce, he hates her, thus making him tackle and punch Meenah thinking they were the same person.

He and Dirk were revealed to be dating for some months after entering the medium, although recently Jake has been somewhat hesitant on the relationship due to perceiving Dirk as being too overbearing as a boyfriend, as shown with his HS 7561 (resentment) towards the matching Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff tattoos that he got with Dirk by HS 7562 (scratching it out) and covering it with a HS 7564 (SBaHJ sticker). Dirk later ends their relationship because Jake had been ignoring him and his messages instead of talking about their problems. However, later on Jake says he regrets how he acted towards Dirk and how it led to their eventual break up, saying that he

Jake has also stated, in the post-trickster conversations, that he is uncertain if he can feel romantic attraction for anyone, after Roxy says that she really does love Dirk. Jake also mentions he envies that she likes him so much, which raises questions as to Jake's romantic future, if there is one for him.

Jake seems to have made friends with Tavrosprite in the new timeline created by John's retcons, referring to him as "". He appears the only one who Jake isn't too shy to talk to in the updates of Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5. This relationship may tie into them both being Pages, just as Meenah and Vriska (both Thieves) and Dave and Karkat (both Knights) have become friends as well. Additionally they both have imaginary friends: Tavros has Rufio, and Jake has Brain Ghost Dirk.

Trivia

 * In Jake's intro page, Hussie writes "There is a good SKULL at the heart of any mystery, haunting its EVERY PAGE. That is what you always say. Or at least, it is what you always HOPE." The words "hope" and "page" are directly vertical from each other, overshadowing his godtier.
 * His shirt features an image of a skull, reminiscent of both 's head and Rose's Squiddles shirt. Additionally, Jade's default shirt symbol after her bedroom explodes is visually reminiscent of Roxy's.
 * His bedspread is covered with images of each troll's Lusus. More so, actual lusii seem to inhabit the forest he lives in. This is because the Condesce brought them with her in an attempt to make post-scratch Earth more like post-scratch Alternia.
 * Jake's eyes are HS 7338 (green), matching his Pesterchum text. He is the third post-scratch kid to have his eye colour shown.
 * Jake has a crush on Aranea, who is Vriska's dancestor. John, Jake's "son," had a crush on Vriska.
 * During the funeral procession for his dream self he was being carried atop something very similar looking to a Quest Bed.
 * Many things about Jake reference including his name. His Grandma took on the name to retaliate against her adoptive grandmother, the Condesce, by exploiting her fear of her master. The following are other noted resemblances, related or unrelated to Jake's Grandma's influence.
 * He also has been shown to be in possession of a full "costume," produced by his Grandma's company. It includes a computer helmet that resembles 's head, a computer coat resembling his Cairo Overcoat, a computer shoe resembling his peg-leg and another that resembles his foot.
 * It is also HS 006020 (stated that) "...you'd give your right leg for a shot at desecrating the shit out of some real life mystic ruins for their byzantine wares." 's right leg is missing.
 * He has a few issues of "The Incredible Hulk" scattered on his bedroom floor and a poster on his wall, upon whom 's appearance is partially based. One of the posters on his wall, "The Time Traveling Demon", actually features himself. Jake also appears to have an alternate "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" poster, featuring the skull glowing green, similar to 's head, several "Mummy" posters relating to his Cairo Overcoat as it is a sarcophagus, and a "Stargate" poster, possibly referencing 's ability to travel HS 5981 (long distances quickly).
 * His love of cerulean ladies is an obvious callback to Grandpa's collection of blue portraits of females. This could also be a reference to the main character of Avatar, who shares the same name, or to Nannasprite, who is also cerulean in color.
 * His chumhandle is a reference to Golgotha, the place where Jesus' crucifixion is said to have occurred. The Bible defines the name Golgotha as "The place of the Skull." It derives from gulgōleth, which means skull. His chumhandle name could also reference a powerful, influential being that was killed, then re-summoned as a terrifying, more powerful being - similar to how 's death led to the creation of . Or it could be a reference to his HS 6020 (love of skulls). The unusual death of his dream self may also end up being related.
 * He shares his text color with Jadesprite.
 * Andrew Hussie has pointed out in this that Jake has the same initials as John Egbert. It also merits pointing out that his chum handle, golgothasTerror, has the same initials as John's original handle, ghostyTrickster. GT.
 * Looking at the posters on Jake's wall, it is possible he shares John's appreciation of Nicolas Cage. His HS 6777 (boner reference) to the Nic Cage movie "Snake Eyes" also points to this.
 * This could, in turn, be another reference to, who is known for his snake theme and flashing eyes.
 * The Aimless Renegade and Jake also share the pun of "Retrieve Arms" and they retrieve the same pair of pistols.
 * Jake's dream self is dead before the game begins, a sort of inversion to how Aradia Megido was dead before her game began. Interestingly, they also seem to share similar interests in archaeology and discovery.
 * When Jake first discovered his transmaterializer, he appearified several pumpkins, meaning he may be largely responsible for the frequent disappearances of pumpkins throughout MSPA.
 * His large collection of firearms might be a reference to Grandpa's love for hunting.
 * Dirk Strider plans to turn Jake into a "HS 6432 (Ruthless Killing Machine)" in his words.
 * Jane has claimed he is "not a homosexual", a callback to when John stated the same thing about himself. The statement is backed up as Jake has been shown to have an interest in women. Despite this, Roxy claims that Jake confuses her "gaydar" and Jake does end up having a relationship with Dirk.
 * GREEN-EYES-PEELED-FOR-BLUE-LOOKERS-NUDE.COM used to redirect to Jake's introduction page, but no longer does so.
 * Calliope stated that Jake sent the rabbit's weapons back in time and they are located in the ruins. This means its likely that Jake will visit the veil after he enters the medium.
 * Abraxas being Jake's browser and denizen is likely a reference to Abraxas as it appears in Hesse's Demian. Hussie may have taken Dave's way of entering into the Medium from it, and it may have a deeper significance. Also, Jake or Abraxas may (symbolically) unite "godly and devilish elements," which in turn may be a reference to Caliborn and Calliope.
 * When he attempts to put his holster on, Jake thinks that it would be more comfortable if he had very short, skintight shorts. This may or may not be a reference to the Page costume. It is also a clear reference to Lara Croft of the Tomb Raider video game series.
 * While all of the other Alpha kids have light associated colors, his is darker. The same applies in reverse to Jade Harley.
 * Interestingly, the image of Lil Cal on Trickster Jake's shirt appears to be lacking a hat.
 * His Skulltop bears the same pattern as Jade's HS 5058 (Junior Compu-Sooth Spectagoggles).
 * Jake's sylladex scheme is very reminiscent of the Attache Case in Resident Evil 4.
 * Dirk, Calliope and himself are the only player characters that were not seen rendered in Homosuck style.

Джейк Инглиш