Homestuck Kids

The Homestuck Kids are about the similarities and differences between the main characters in Homestuck, and maintains the subtle feature in Problem Sleuth that was not as apparent: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Nearly everything that exists and the actions done in the story are replicated differently through another character.

This page is similar to Problem Sleuth's Escaping the Office.

Note
The differences and similarities shown here are not dead on accounts of what is to be expected. Andrew has stated that he doesn't follow completely with this concept because he wishes to move the story along, so while the intention is there and the similarities are put there on purpose, it doesn't necessitate that every character mimics the other in the same fashion nor do the the items described below follow in the same order. However, the similarities that are used are present enough to be able to warrant this page existing.

The Wayward Vagabond, while not in the same time period as the four kids, has followed this same formula to a degree when he fell under the player's control.

Introductions and Habits
Each kid in Homestuck is introduced in a similar, albeit unique manner based on several factors. Along with this they each follow a type of progression as they inch nearer toward what could ultimately be called the actual game - when Sburb summons a meteor to crash into their abode and presumably either destroy them or send them to the Medium.


 * Each kid is introduced by the player giving them a name.
 * John Egbert was never given a name before, and on his thirteenth birthday initially called Zoosmell Pooplord, but the game rejects it.
 * Rose Lalonde was to be named Flighty Broad, but she doesn't like the sound of it.
 * Dave Strider was about to be given the name of Insufferable Prick, but he slices the naming box in half with a Ninja Sword before it finishes. He just doesn't have time for that kind of bullshit.
 * Jade Harley was assumed to be named Farmstink Buttlass, but she had foreseen this and had written a note correcting the player before she drifted off.
 * The Wayward Vagabond is only known as such. It could be speculated that his name may be changed (by the player) or stated in the future.
 * The kids are similar in stature and build, but are made to look different.
 * John has black messy hair, glasses, and a belt. His shirt has a picture of a Slimer-like creature called Green Slime Ghost on it. His overbite is also readily apparent.
 * Rose has feminine eyebrows, and a hair band. Her shirt has a picture of a Squiddles on it, defaced by her rubbing a coin on the mouth and eyes.
 * Dave has really rad hair and some sunglasses. His shirt has a picture of a record on it. Obviously this is really fucking cool. Through Wayward Vagabond's screen, we see him with the same record on his shirt, though broken through the middle.
 * Jade has buck teeth, large round glasses, colorful bands on her fingers to help her remember stuff, and long, straight black hair. Her shirt has a blue picture on it that shifts to reflect past, present, or future events. It defaults to an image of an atom.
 * Interests play a large part of the individuality of the kid.
 * John's biggest interest is in pranks. He also likes computer games, programming, bad movies, and webcomics. He is a huge fan of Colonel Sassacre's and keeps his hefty tome in his Magic Chest.
 * Rose is largely interested in Lovecraftian horrors, or the "Zoologically Dubious". Her other hobbies include knitting, writing in her diary and dabbling in Psychoanalysis.
 * Dave is based on just being cool. He loves to do things that are ironic in nature, such as maintain a host of ironic websites and comic strips, he also has a dark room and keeps things that are dead preserved in odd ways.
 * Jade has many interests, the main one being horticulture. She also is interested in nostalgic cartoons, "fauna of an anthropomorphic persuasion," nuclear physics, and advanced technology. She also enjoys her fits of narcolepsy and her own precognitive abilities.
 * The Vagabond enjoys the idea of democracy, even building a small town out of cans in which he is appointed Mayor. He's even gone as far as zoning currently undeveloped land surrounding the town.
 * Each of the kids plays a different musical instrument and has a leitmotif.
 * John plays the piano. His musical theme is Showtime.
 * Rose plays the violin. Her musical theme is Aggrieve.
 * Dave likes to put out ill beats using mixing equipment. His musical theme is Beatdown.
 * Jade has an electric bass guitar in her bedroom. Her musical theme is Guardian.
 * The kids are all given a color to denote their character. This color is shown predominately in their chats through Pesterchum. The color that their house is bathed in does not necessarily reflect this trait.
 * John's main color is blue. He sends a blue package to Dave containing some Sunglasses.
 * Rose's main color is purple. She has a purple package ready for John, but she never sent it.
 * Dave's main color is red. He sent a red package to John that contained a very special bunny
 * Jade's color is green. She sent a green package to John, but it fell into the endless void with Dad's car.
 * Odd commands are given to the kids that involve making an animalistic noise and then doing some bodily function on furniture.
 * John is given the command to squawk like an imbecile and then shit on his desk, which he resists despite the temptation. He's given a similar command later toward his mailbox.
 * Rose is told to writhe like a flagellum and then puke on her bed. She refuses outright.
 * Dave is pushed to bleat like a goat and then piss on his turntables. He considers bleating like a goat later for ironic purposes, and ironically spills apple juice on his turntables later despite saying he'd never let anything resembling pee get near his turntables.
 * Jade is commanded to squeal like a piglet and fertilize her plants... and she obliges!
 * The Vagabond is told to use his own pee to mark the commercial zones of Can Town. He refuses outright, and even if he wanted to, he's too dehydrated to do so.
 * Each kid lives in a different time zone.
 * John lives on the west coast.
 * Rose lives on the east coast, three hours ahead of John.
 * Dave uses central time, two hours ahead of John.
 * Jade lives on a Pacific island in UTC+12, four hours behind John.

Traits and Likenesses
After the introductions, subtle similarities occur between them as they go about their business. It's typically the case that they all share the same generic notion of an item, but it is usually very altered and different from the other kids versions. The kids never share a copy of that kind of item in their home.


 * The kids each own a computer. However, they all have different operating systems, web browsers (each named after mythological Greek figures with relationships to Gaia, and programs.
 * John's computer's OS is similar to Windows XP. His web browser is Typheus, named after the last son of Gaia who attempted to destroy Zeus. The icon for Typheus is the same as the unspeakably hideous trophy at the ground level of Jade's home. His desktop is littered with various programming project files.
 * Rose's computer is similar to a Macintosh. Her web browser is Cetus, a Greek sea monster, daughter of Gaia and Pontus. Her elegantly wallpapered desktop is organized into three folders: 'leavings,' 'scraps,' and 'detritus.'
 * Dave's computer's OS is similar to Windows 7. His web browser is Hephaestus, the Greek god of technology who impregnated Gaia. His computer runs Pesterchum 7.0., a slightly upgraded version of 6.0 that the other two run. His desktop has three folders: 'Ill Beats,' 'Dope Rhymes. So Dope,' and 'Complete Bullshit.'
 * Jade's computer is completely different from anything in the real world, resembling computer interfaces from Minority Report. Her web browser is Echidna, the progenitor of all Greek mythological monsters and the offspring of Gaia. She uses Pesterchum Enamel ("Much shinier!") and has many friends in her Chumroll. She uses FreshJamz Media Player to play MP3s she and her friends make.
 * Along with a computer, each kid has a Pesterchum screen name related to their interests and/or personalities.
 * John's screen name is ectoBiologist. It hints at his interest in Ghostbusters and the paranormal.
 * Rose's tentacleTherapist screen name shows her interest in eldritch horrors, psychoanalysis and wordplay.
 * Dave's turntechGodhead screen name indicates both his love for DJing and his large ego.
 * Jade, gardenGnostic, has been shown to have uncanny insight in events that haven't happened yet, is interested in horticulture, and is more down to earth than her friends.
 * In addition to a computer, each kid has a portable way of communicating.
 * John has his father's PDA.
 * Rose's laptop is already portable.
 * Dave has his phone.
 * Jade's computer is very small. She stores it in a lunchbox for easy transport.
 * An item from Problem Sleuth appears in their room.
 * John's item is the Hammer. It serves as a normal hammer and as the weapon of choice for John and his Strife Specibus.
 * Rose's item is the Ink of Squid Pro Quo. Rose never interacts with it.
 * Dave's item is the fabled Sunglasses. He's currently wearing them in an ironic gesture.
 * Jade does not have the Pumpkin next to her. To suggest so would be foolish. There is also a nonfuctional plug-in window in her room.
 * It appears that the children in Homestuck each have an Associated Classical Element, evidenced by both their choice of web browser and the weather outside their house. This classical associated element seems to be reflected by a vice that their caretaker indulges in.
 * John's associated element is Wind. His web browser is Typheus, a reference to the hundred-headed serpent who was the father of the winds. Before being plunged into the meta-reality of Sburb, the weather outside his house was a light, breezy day. John's Dad frequently smokes.
 * Rose's associated element is Water. Her web browser is Cetus, the monstrous personification of the sea and various terrors held within. Her house is situated directly on top of a river and is currently under a severe rainstorm. Rose's Mother has a drinking problem.
 * Dave's associated element is Fire. His browser is Hephaestus, the god of the forge. Wherever Dave lives, it is currently hot. So hot. This is ironic because Dave is so goddamn cool. His associated color is also Red, the color most associated with fire and heat. Dave's Bro creates puppet pornography with flamingly homoerotic overtones.
 * Jade's associated element is Earth. Her browser is Echidna, the monster daughter of Gaia who lived in a cave. She lives on a remote (likely Pacific) volcanic atoll. A good portion of her residence consists of greenhouses as well. Speculation of Jade's Grandfather's vice include greed, hoarding diamonds or other valuable minerals, which would explain Jade's greater wealth than the other three children. He has shown to be a big game hunter and keeps countless trophies, which contrasts Jade's love of all animals and unwillingness to kill them. He also has some strange animals as trophies, suggesting he might create new animals only to hunt them.
 * The kids may each have a planet associated with them, as evidenced by the drawings made by the Wayward Vagabond in his Underground Base, which uncannily match the description of The Medium by Nannaquin.
 * Additionally, each kid owns a poster containing something about Problem Sleuth or related to it in a fashion.
 * John has the poster of Problem Sleuth being exceptionally hard boiled.
 * Rose has a poster of Beasts.
 * Dave is in possession of a poster of the Midnight Crew.
 * Jade possesses a book titled Problem Sooth.
 * Each kid has a poorly drawn picture hanging up on their fridge.
 * John drew an image of the Green Slime Ghost about one week before the story started. His Dad hung it up using a jester magnet.
 * Rose made a portrait of her late cat Jaspers, accompanied by a poem, when she was young. Her Mother purchased a $15,000 frame and had it welded to the freezer door.
 * Dave drew a picture of Sweet Bro which was hung on the fridge by a GameBro magnet (no doubt an ironic statement) until the magnet was dislodged by a shuriken.
 * The Vagabond drew six different planets on the walls of the Underground Base with chalk and motor oil.
 * Each kid is also possibly represented by one of Jade's fingers due to the topmost coloured strings, though there is no proof yet of anyone other than John.
 * The kids have a large doll loafing around in the home thanks to their authority figure. They make the best of these by customizing it to fit their interests. (These are most probably going to be used for Tier 1 prototyping of the Kernelsprite.)
 * John's father gave a him a large harlequin for his birthday, which John equipped with his Fake Arms.
 * Rose's mother bought her a Pretty Princess doll which Rose turned into an Eldritch Princess by knitting a new head and tentacles for it.
 * Bro's favorite puppet, Lil Cal, has been following Dave for a while. Other than deluding himself into thinking it is cool and not at all creepy, he has not yet modified it.
 * Each home has the remains of a beloved one preserved. (These presumably will each be used for Tier 2 prototyping of the Kernelsprite.)
 * John has his Grandmother's ashes preserved in an urn on his fireplace's mantle.
 * Rose's pet cat Jaspers is in a mausoleum in her backyard.
 * Dave has an entire collection of deceased creatures, displayed proudly on a shelf in his bedroom. He also has the fresh corpse of a crow sitting on a nearby rooftop
 * Each kid has a weakness that sometimes blocks communication.
 * John sometimes buries his PDA within his sylladex, and is prone to being inundated with commands or questions from the Wayward Vagabond.
 * Rose has a limited lifespan on her laptop.
 * Dave is prone to bursting into rap.
 * Jade is narcoleptic.

Actions and Reactions
As the kids are stumbling through their respective homes doing their daily tasks, each of them goes through a series of mix-ups and accidents that occur. They also react similarly to certain happenings that each kid encounters in their home.


 * Each kid suffers a trial with their Sylladex.
 * John suffers the most with his Sylladex, not even understanding how it works and launches things constantly out his window. He also combines several objects together that clearly should not be combined together and has to Captchalouge obscene amounts of useless items to get to items he needs.
 * Rose's Sylladex is a constant hassle. While notably out of the four so far, it seems it is the easiest to work with being the least restrictive by allowing one to retrieve and Captchalogue items at will. The downside is that choosing an item may cause the others to break and crash to the floor.
 * Dave's Sylladex is the most powerful, albeit unwieldy. He is able to Captchalogue whatever he likes provided it doesn't cause a collision in his Sylladex in his Hash Function. He is easily able to retrieve items at will provided he uses a verb with the same Hash Function as the item. The trouble stems that the Hash Function recognizes any verb that comes from him and will react accordingly.
 * Jade's Sylladex is a composition of multiple Fetch Modi, all based on popular board games. The one she uses the most is Memory, and she's able to work with it easily due to her ability to predict where the two cards are that make up the item she captchalogued. To anyone else this would be a terrible and horrifying nightmare.
 * The Vagabond does not possess a Sylladex, thus his inventory capacity is extremely limited to finding more traditional ways of carrying things.
 * The kids all have an authority figure that shares a similar, yet different taste than the kid. The kid also has an opinion on their authority figure that causes them to believe something about them that may not be true. This typically causes Strife between the two.
 * John's guardian is his Dad. Dad enjoys Harlequins and loves to pull pranks. John believes his Dad's doting on him is insincere, and that the constant amount of Cake he is baking is made to spite him.
 * Rose's guardian is her Mother. Mother prefers conventional wizards, and goes to great lengths to decorate her house with the most extravagant finger-wigglers known to man. Rose believes that her Mother is just using Cruel Irony to irritate her, but it's more likely possible that Mother has genuine empathy toward her daughter than Rose believes.
 * Dave's guardian is possibly his Bro. Dave is not irritated toward his Bro's preference toward Puppets nor does he believe his Bro is doing something to annoy him. Though he seems to be under the impression that his Bro's fondness for them is purely an ironic gesture, despite evidence to the contrary.
 * Jade lives with her Grandfather. Their confrontations have been known as intense and he is commonly considered a bit of a badass. He collects suits of armor, big game hunting trophies, and decrepit mummies, the latter two Jade doesn't like.
 * The Vagabond may previously have been under a monarchic rule; he views kings as bossy tyrants who are really full of themselves, and basically awful in every way. While kings and the Vagabond would like to put people in power, the Vagabond prefers a majority vote on who runs the show, while a king would pass the rule on to his son.
 * When first making it outside, a famous quote - or lyric - is thought of by the kid, but incorrectly attributed to the wrong person completely.
 * John Egbert gets the notion that his François de La Rochefoucauld quote was made by Walt Whitman.
 * Rose Lalonde feels that Charles Barkley is the one responsible for her quote when it was really T.S. Elliot.
 * Dave Strider thinks about Snoop Dogg lyrics but attributes them to John Keats.