Homestuck: Act 5 Act 1

Act 5 Act 1 is the first (troll) half of Act 5, as contrasted to the human half. Act 5 Act 1 explores the trolls, the intricacies of their culture, and the events that took place before, during, and after their session of Sburb.

The events of Act 5 Act 1:
 * We zoom in on a new planet, which is revealed to be Alternia, the planet where the Trolls live.
 * As a new adventure called Hivebent begins, we are introduced to a young Troll standing in his respiteblock: Karkat Vantas. His interests are strikingly similar to those of John Egbert.
 * Karkat begins examining his Respiteblock, which includes a Recuperacoon filled with Sopor slime and several movie posters of the romantic comedy nature. He captchalogues his Sickle into his Sylladex with the Encryption Modus, leaving behind a card vault. He picks up the card vault again with the Encryption Modus, which creates a heavier card vault that falls and punches a hole in the floor. Grumbling is heard from below, most likely emanating from Karkat's Lusus.
 * Karkat picks up a thick black programming manual entitled "~ATH: A HANDBOOK FOR THE IMMINENTLY DECEASED".
 * Karkat goes outside and finds himself confronted with much the same situation John encounters when he goes out; namely the architectural blandness of the neighbourhood. He notes that his species is encouraged to become architecturally adept from a young age. We are also acquainted with Karkat's disdain for poetry.
 * Karkat goes back inside, where he examines a magazine (Game Grub) and a DVD (The Thresh Prince of Bel-Air) lying on his computer desk before noticing an incoming chat message from terminallyCapricious. This seems to upset him.
 * TC annoys Karkat by asking what he's up to and blathering about miracles. TC also claims to be Karkat's "BeSt MoThErFuCkIn FrIeNd". He also mentions that twinArmageddons is planning something that seems to be a pretty big deal.
 * TC's name is revealed as Gamzee Makara. The story switches to his point of view. We see him in his Respiteblock, which is filled with bike horns, pie tins, juggling pins, posters depicting clowns of a grim persuasion, a Recuperacoon, several bottles of faygo, and a unicycle.
 * Gamzee captchalogues a bottle of Faygo and his husktop computer with his Miracle Fetch Modus. No one knows how it works, but it sure as hell is trippy. Not that Gamzee cares- he prefers to think of things as "mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS". He tries his unicycle once more, only to fall off into a pile of horns.
 * Gamzee picks up a juggling club (his Strife Specibus being clubkind) and prepares to go out, noting that it is dangerous to leave unarmed.
 * Gamzee leaves his Respiteblock for the beach outside. Soon after leaveing the hive, Gamzee receives a message from gallowsCalibrator. He prays to his "Mirthful Messiahs" before attempting to retrieve his husktop. However, instead of retrieving the desired item, the Miracle Modus ejects the bottle of Faygo far out to sea.
 * Gamzee tries to just grab his husktop from his sylladex. This works, surprisingly, and he answers gC. She makes fun of his name, asking him if he "w4nts to pl4y g4m3z3z" with her. He doesn't pick up on the joke and agrees, but asks if they can play later, because he's waiting for the "old goat" - most likely his Custodian. It is suggested at this point that gC doesn't have a Custodian. Gamzee suggests gC asks Karkat to play, but she declares that that would be horrible, on account of all the bitching and moaning. Gamzee spaces out. He asks gC if she's ever seen the ocean, but quickly rephrases and asks if she's smelled it.
 * Karkat fiddles with ~ATH, a programming language available on both Earth and Alternia. twinArmaggedons, said to be obnoxiously good at hacking, has sent him a file that is supposed to make the user's computer explode upon usage.
 * Karkat talks with tA over Trollian, the subject being a game tA wants him to play. tA explains that he adapted it using some technology apocalypseArisen found in some ruins. tA reveals that the game will be divided intoteams, and that gC was to be Karkat's group leader, which he immediately flips his shit over. They get into an immature fight and agree to delete said fight from their logs.
 * Karkat hears some grumbling downstairs from a "crabby customer", subsequently revealed to be his Custodian. He does not relish this encounter, and decides to postpone it.
 * The view switches to Terezi Pyrope a.k.a. gallowsCalibrator/gC. Her interests include colorful dragon plushies called scalemates and brutal Alternian law. It is revealed that she has not always been blind, but lost her sight in some kind of extreme Live Action Role Playing accident. She also seems to spend a lot of time scribbling on walls. She is the leader of the Red team which is comprised of Karkat and four others. The Blue team will be composed of the remaining six Trolls.
 * Terezi begins LARPing, playing out an Alternian courtblock drama, which is heavily one-sided as is the Alternian legal way. She acts out a mock trial with her stuffed "Scalemates", viciously interrogating and executing one Senator Lemonsnout.
 * After a lot of tomfoolery, Terezi concludes her session by hanging the 'defendant'from the tree in which she resides. She promptly picks up her walking cane, indicating that her Strife Specibus is canekind, She begins recruiting members for the Red Team. When she talks to Karkat, he claims he is now the leader of the Red Team. This leads to an argument, exacerbated by Terezi's passive approach to the entire conversation.
 * We jump into the near future, where Karkat, revealed as the Knight of Blood, has arrived in the Land of Pulse and Haze, his hive coated in Terezi's doodles and missing a wall. He has alchemized the Homes Smell Ya Later as well as some other cool stuff. He talks to Terezi again, since he's really clueless, becoming enraged (as per usual) about the fact that his Load Gaper is in a very inconvenient and inappropriate place.
 * We then hop to the near past, arriving at the trolls' blue Frog Temple (which has six surrounding pillars, probably due to the six players on the Blue team), where apocalypseArisen decapitates the frog statue and throws its head into the surrounding lagoon out of boredom.
 * Next, we follow the Faygo bottle that Gamzee lost. It washes up on some faraway shore. A sharp-dressed troll with an Aquarius ring finds it, much to his distaste.
 * We return to Karkat at a point before he enters the medium. He engages his Custodian aka Lusus Naturae in Grief, the troll equivalent of Strife.
 * We switch views to Sollux Captor, also known as twinArmageddons. His split personality causes him to lash out at the players, so we switch over to this kooky broad, only to return to Sollux when he calms down.
 * Sollux uses his psychic ability to throw shuriken, accidentally perforating his beehouse mainframes. AA continues her aimless destruction of the Frog Temple, while Karkat activates the Mobius Double Reacharound Virus, calling Sollux's bluff. We watch as both Karkat's and Gamzee's Lusus subsequently perish.
 * Sollux laments his choice to give Karkat the virus code, deleting the ones he has left on his computer. He comes across a virus he copied from an obscure server in the past that will subsequently lead to the creation of a "time-travelling indestructible demon".
 * To Sollux's dismay, his lusus begins making a ruckus. The cause is the sudden appearance of AA, floating outside Sollux's communal hive stem near where Sollux's lusus is chained.
 * The view switches to GrimAuxiliatrix, who lives in the desert adjacent to another frog temple in a block that is almost identical to Jade's house. gA is riding her lusus, a giant virgin Mother Grub.
 * We stop being gA and become AdiosToreador, learning that his real name is Tavros Nitram. It is revealed that he is a paraplegic, the result of an injury sustained in a bout of serious roleplaying. He begins playing Fiduspawn with his lusus.
 * Tavros' game comes to a wholesome conclusion. He rolls up his ramp and climbs into his Recuperacoon for no real reason. After a long clean-up, he picks up his jousting lance, indicating that his weapon of choice is the lancekind Strife Specibus. Tavros hopes to one day be recruited by the dreaded imperial Cavalreapers. Tavros' room is decorated with a poster of his idol, Pupa Pan.
 * In the future, gA is shown to sever Tavros'legs by chainsaw, in the belief that is in his best interests. Tavros will be subsequently fitted with robolegs by a guy who likes to build robots.
 * Tavros is pestered by arachnidsGrip, then engages in a long chat with Gamzee, culminating in an awful rap-off. We return to Terezi as she heads outside amid falling meteors to find her unhatched lusus. Her lusus rests in its egg upon a giant scale, egg acting as a counterweight to the skull of a Mother Grub poised over a black button.
 * Terezi reveals that when she slept her unhatched dragon lusus spoke to her, teaching her how to see without sight. It is also revealed that Terezi's Dream Self resides on Prospit.
 * Terezi's Lusus hatches, initiating the doomsday clock. The Lusus is immediately killed by a meteor, much to Terezi's dismay.
 * apocalypseArisen is introduced as Aradia Megido. Her Lusus is already dead, leading to her residence in some familiar ruins. She claims to have tricked Sollux into helping her create Sgrub.
 * Aradia uses her Ouija Fetch Modus to retrieve a familiar Crosbytop Computer, and converses with gA, discussing the iminent apocalypse. She then has the conversation with Sollux shown previously, informing him that Sgrub will destroy the world. She then "goes up", appearing atop Sollux's hive, telekinetically levitating Sollux's lusus. She initiates a conversation with aG.
 * Aradia talks to Sollux again, telling him to look out the window. She then places him in a deep sleep. When he wakes, he ingests some mind honey, causing him to lose control of his psychic powers. Sollux destroys the top floors of his block, presumably killing his Bicyclops in the process.
 * We switch to arsenicCatnip again, whose real name is Nepeta Leijon. We learn that she is interested in hunting and not-so-extreme roleplaying. The cave she lives in is littered with pelts of great beasts and there are tons of doodles on the walls.
 * Nepeta has a playful conversation with Karkat who is seeking members for the Red Team. She is eager to join, however she must ask someone else's permission.
 * CentaursTesticle tells Nepeta that she can't be on the same team as Tavros, which mildly angers her. She relays this to Tavros, who accidentally crushes Tinkerbull under his wheelchair.
 * In a flashback, we see how Tavros lost the use of his legs while participating in a Flarprole-playing session. AG concocts an unwinnable scenario for Tavros, using her mind-controlling powers to manipulate him into thinking he can fly, just like his beloved Pupa Pan. She forces him to leap from a cliff, a fall that paralyzes him.
 * Back in the present, aG and Karkat aggressively troll each other, Karkat taunting her about her jealousy towards Terezi, and aG manipulating Karkat with her mind powers.
 * The view switches over to cT, only to jump over briefly to cuttlefishCuller before proceeding to Aradia as she encounters the remains of her rural hive. She begins a session of Sgrub with Nepeta and one other player. They advance through Tier One Prototyping, enter the Medium, and advance to Tier Two Prototyping. Aradia is revealed to have been dead for some time now. We are all completely blown away by this stunning revelation. Aradia tells Nepeta that she is dead as a result of ignoring the advice of a friend and making bad choices. She also mentions that she wants Nepeta to keep this a secret, and Nepeta promises to do just that.
 * The view switches to arachnidsGrip, her real name revealed as Vriska Serket. Her room is full of scattered, shattered magic 8-balls and drawings. She admires a drawing of her Flarp character, which is actually just herself in a fancy costume.
 * After stepping on a die, she picks up her Fluorite Octet revealing her Strife Specibus to be dicekind. These weapons were once wielded by a group of deadly marauders known as Gamblignants before they became extinct.
 * Vriska heads to her computer, only to get bugged by gA. She ignores this but someone else pesters her, someone with no chumhandle and who uses exclusively white text. This unknown person decalres he has exploited Vriska, but she seems completely unfazed by this. She switches back to gA, and they discuss the deaths of the lusi.
 * Vriska goes to check on her lusus, passing a completed Doomsday Devices that she built for a member of the nautical aristocracy with the help of another troll with technological prowess. Her lusus is still alive and well, although Vriska isn't convinced this is a good thing because of the difficulties she faces keeping it fed.
 * The view switches to centaursTesticle, who happens to live in the same neighborhood as Vriska. His real name is Equius Zahhak. Equius aspires to one day join the ranks of the Archeradicators, despite his lack of bowmanship. His room is filled with robots and bows, both broken and whole [due to his (½)bowKind and fistKind Strife Specibus].
 * We follow Equius as he performs tasks such as keeping track of his Lusus, Aurthour, drinking some milk, getting aggravated, breaking a bow accidentally and chatting with Gamzee.
 * Equius also has a conversation with Vriska, where he mentions delivering a present meant for Aradia to Vriska's hive. In an aside, he states that he has no intention of delivering said gift to Vriska. Aradia's present, a robotic double of her, will instead be delivered by Equius himself. He plans to use this to gain leadership of the Blue team. It becomes clear that Equius has a totally creepy crush on Aradia.
 * Convinced that one of his robots is judging him, Equius makes an example of it, defenestrating the offending 'bot with a single punch. The robot explodes mid-air, its severed head falling upon the Catenative Doomsday Dice Cascader, seemingly initiating the device.
 * The piece of junk Cascader breaks, as do two of the chains supporting it. This causes the cascader to collide with the rock pillar that supports Equius' block, where it detonates. The resultant rubble crushes Vriska's lusus. Part of the pillar collapses, ripping Equius' house in two and sending Aurthour plummeting to his doom.
 * Moments before the detonation Vriska is seen pestering Terezi, mentioning a truce where there would be no more backstabbing. Vriska states that she has called off the truce now that they are on opposing teams in this game of Sgrub.
 * A flashback ensues, showing us a time before Terezi lost her sight and Aradia was still alive. They discuss making Vriska pay for what she did to Tavros. They also mention a 'friend' that oversaw this entire situation, mentioning that this person was also backstabbing Vriska (and vice versa).
 * The voices of the dead urge Aradia to take revenge on Vriska. Giving in to their wishes she summons ghosts to haunt Vriska. The Unknown White Text Person interjects, asking Vriska what she plans to do about the spectral assault.
 * Vriska takes the bait. She controls Sollux, forcing him to consume copious amounts of Mind Honey and then fly to Aradia's hive where he unleashes a psychic blast that utterly destroys Aradia's hive.
 * We are then introduced to the First Guardian of Alternia, . We discover that we may not command him in the way we have been commanding other characters throughout Homestuck. Like other First Guardians, is omnipotent and claims to be employed by.
 * Terezi contacts and attempts to tip him off about Vriska. Terezi then consults Vriska in an effort to find any reason not to kill her. Terezi counter-manipulates her into "consulting her little advantage". Worried about Terezi's threats, Vriska does exactly that, taking a look into her Magic Cue Ball. Terezi informs Doc about the cue ball, which infuriates him. He causes the ball to explode, gouging out Vriska's eye (as well as her sevenfold vision) and severing her left arm.
 * Returning to the present, Vriska Serket and Equius Zahhak find their Custodians gravely injured from the rock avalance. Equius's Lusus, Aurthour, is dead, and Vriska's Lusus, the giant Alternian spider, is dying.
 * Vriska decides to euthanise her custodian, rolling her dice to determine what method she will use. The dice select the technique 'Guillotine de la Marquise'. The guillotine appears and decapitates the dying Lusus.
 * Unfortunately the fall of the guillotine triggers an unintended side-effect, as the remainder of the mesa, where Equius' hive resides, crumbles and falls. However, Equius transports his hive into The Medium just before it collides with the valley floor.
 * Vriska gets pissed off and bothers Aradia about foiling her plan to use Equius' present. She is infuriated with Aradia for being so passive in this and previous arguments. The ratty Ms Serket curses the dead girl out big time.
 * Equius materialises in the Land of Caves and Silence. He immediately contacts Aradia, talking to her about about his present and his shadow leadership of the Blue Team. Equius then takes off, breezing past the first two gates in a glorious demonstration of his strength.
 * Equius arrives at Aradia's house, delivering the 'bot he lovingly created. Aradia enters the device, only to discover the 'bot is equipped with a chip that alters her emotions so she would instantly fall in love with Equius. Much to Equius' horror she rips out her heart unit, wails on him, screams at him and finally...kisses him.
 * Confused, Nepeta watches as Aradia and Equius get tongue friendly, then she updates her Shipping wall to accommodate this change in relationships. Meanwhile, Karkat recruits Vriska to his team. He is shown to be in an alliance with a certain Jack Noir. Karkat is bleeding from a stab wound inflicted by Jack, although Karkat doesn't seem to be too troubled by the knifing.
 * Karkat's blood colour is revealed to be a bright candy red, the same hue as human blood. This is revealed to be not only the lowest color on the hierarchy, but also the result of a unique mutation. Jack gains Karkat's trust by showing that the Archagent's blood color is the same as that of the wounded Troll.
 * Jack reveals the Black Queen's weakness; she cannot bear any prototyping that causes her to assume the physical attributes of a certain hated amphibian Aradia used during her prototyping. As a result the Queen locks away her Ring of Orbs Twelvefold leaving her vulnerable to attack. Jack and the Red Team thus initiate Operation Regisurp, a plan that de-thrones and exiles the queen. With the completion of this plan, the queen is resigned to live out the last of her days in the Alternian deserts. But has other plans for the deposed monarch...
 * We are then given a brief overview of the Troll's Medium, and how the two games are actually one due to the MDRV. We are also told that we can't be either cC or cA just yet, so we skip ahead some pages to be gA, whose real name is revealed to be Kanaya Maryam.
 * We watch Kanaya go about her day, picking up her chainsaw, which turns into lipstick... oh god not this again. She also has a wardrobifier similar to Jade's, which switches twice before she is pestered by cC. The conversation reveals that cC is cA's moirail, and that cC is a very excitable and friendly troll despite her noble status.
 * After this conversation, Kanaya checks on her lusus, discovering that it has perished. Using her lipstick/chainsaw, Kanaya eviscerates her lusus' carcass, removing a strange globe called a Matriorb.
 * Kanaya stashes the Matriorb in her Chastity Fetch Modus. She samples her lusus' blood, emulating the practice of her beloved Rainbow Drinkers (vampires). Kanaya finds the fluid distinctly unpalatable. cA then pesters her, talking about a "fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or something". He also begs Kanaya to auspisticize between him and his moirail, cC.
 * Kanaya then heads back up to her room, where she consults with one of her sources, which we the audience recognise as Rose's Walkthrough.
 * Tavros enters the medium, taking his place as the Page of Breath in the Land of Sand and Zephyr.
 * Time passes- Vriska finishes extending Tavros' hive as far as the first gate, but to Tavros' dismay, she uses stairs, making it physically impossible for Tavros to get to the first gate. When Tavros complains she responds by shaking his wheelchair with the cursor.
 * As Vriska torments Tavros, Kanaya intervenes by fussing with Vriska's plumbing and bopping Vriska's chair with it. Vriska pleads ignorance but Kanaya knows otherwise thanks to Tavros. Kanaya threatens to dump the toilet over Vriska's head. Vriska capitulates, saying she'll change the stairs to ramps.
 * Vriska is struck with an idea. Running down to one of her treasure strongholds, she acquires a snazzy pair of rocket boots. In her absence Kanaya tidies Vriska's room, an action that Vriska thinks is ridiculous.
 * Vriska notes the Captchalogue code of the rocket boots and sends it to Tavros. He then alchemizes it with his wheelchair to create a rocketchair, which he then uses to fly up to his first gate.
 * Later, Tavros uses his bestial communion abilities to control an army of imps and ogres. His obedient menagerie follow him into a ruin that is topped with lizard statues, where he tries to solve one of the many puzzles of this land.
 * Vriska announces that puzzles are boring, and convinces Tavros to skip them and just fly his rocket car into the "seventh" gate right away. Tavros does so, but the gate Vriska indicates is revealed to be his second gate, leading him straight to Vriska's house, where he crashes through the wall.
 * We arrive in the Land of Maps and Treasure where Vriska, the Thief of Light, is sleeping. She wakes upon Tavros' noisy arrival. We see she is dressed in a gown, replete with fairy wings, masquerading as the troll equivalent of Wendy/Tinkerbell, comlementing Tavros's Pupa Pan. Her aim is both mockery and, perhaps, seduction...
 * Throwing Special Stardust in the recumbent Tavros' face, she drags him up and forces him to have happy thoughts via a forced kiss.
 * Frustrated, Vriska attempts to manipulate Tavros into having feelings for her. However, she realizes she does not want to tamper with Tavros' emotions and gives up.
 * Kanaya manages to avert some kind of crisis of her own and returns to acting as the server in Vriska's session. Poor timing causes her to catch Vriska kissing Tavros.
 * Kanaya is shown to have made Vriska's new outfit. Seeing Vriska kiss Tavros crushes her heart.
 * It is explained that human relationships are very different from Troll Relationships, because humans only have one concept of romantic relationships, depicted by the symbol "<3". Troll relationships are divided into four quadrants, each with their own symbol. These quadrants are the Flushed Quadrant, the Caliginous Quadrant, the Pale Quadrant, and the Ashen Quadrant.
 * The two troll members of the nautical aristocracy are briefly shown, CuttlefishCuller and CaligulasAquarium.
 * After more discussion of troll romance, we are informed that humans, like John, can not grasp the totality of the phenomenon. However, because humans can grasp the concept of destiny, we can understand how each troll believes that one, and only one other troll, are destined to fill each quadrant, or, in the case of an auspistice, two.
 * We find out that caligulasAquarium's name is Eridan Ampora, and his lusus is a large mountable seahorse. He wields what appears to be Ahab's Crosshairs.
 * After Eridan slays a Lusus in the shape of a whale from his mount, the view switches to cuttlefishCuller, real name Feferi Peixes, as she collects the whale Eridan killed and feeds it to her Lusus.
 * Both trolls return to their Hives, where their interests are detailed. Eridan's block is littered with loot plundered from past Flarp sessions. The rather obvious fact that he hates land dwellers is reiterated, as is his wish to obtain a doomsday device from somebody. Eridan has an affection towards Military History and Legendary Conquerors. He also likes magic, though he knows it's fake. He's not stupid.
 * In her hive Feferi is shown to possess two horse-maids that look rather familiar, as well as lots of Cuttlefish. Her blood is even nobler than that of the Trolls' Empress. As she is the only one with this bloodtype, Feferi is obviously the royal heir. Her plans for the throne are hinted at; she hopes to use her reign to unite the two races, both land- and sea-dwelling. Her love for capturing cuttlefish is evinced, though because of their wilful nature, and the ease at which they escape their cages, it pretty much amounts to an elaborate roleplaying game.
 * HS 4343 (After) HS 4344 (five) {HS|4345|pages}} {HS|4346|of}} HS 4347 (sillyness), Eridan contacts Feferi, and they fight. Afterwards, both attempt to get a drink. Eridan doesn't want to drink Gamzee Makara's drink, but his fridge is filled with shitty wands. As soon as Feferi tries to open her drink it just gets released into the water. BLUH HS 4354 (GLUB).
 * Both unequip their weapons and Eridan tries to contact Vriska. Unfortunately, she is engaged with the messy euthanization of her Lusus.
 * The Kismesissitude of Vriska and Eridan is then detailed. Previously allies in Flarp, Vriska would capture the troll victims of Eridan's conquests as food for her Lusus, while Eridan would feed the slain guardians to Feferi's Lusus.
 * It is subsequently stated that if the voice of Feferi's Lusus were to be raises above a whisper, the troll race would slowly die - first, the "more psychically susceptible" lesser bloods. If the Lusus were to shout, all trolls on Alternia would die. If it were to get VERY upset, it'd release The Vast GLUB, a shockwave that would kill all trolls in the galaxy.
 * Later, Feferi, the Witch of Life, is shown to have transported her hive to the Land of Dew and Glass.
 * Feferi contacts Eridan, breaking the relationship they had. Eridan is crushed by this. Feferi proceeds through her first gate.
 * Karkat attempts to contact Sollux, believing he may have died due to Feferi's Lusus. We're really hoping it's just an overdose of mind honey. Jack.......kinda comforts Karkat while Gamzee just spaces out in his own inimitable way.
 * It is revealed that they are on Gamzee's planet LOTAM. Eridan tries to contact them both, but Karkat is too upset to reply so Gamzee does so. Meanwhile Jack tries to beat some sense back into Karkat, in his own inimitable way.
 * The trio watch as Feferi kisses Sollux, awakening his dream self. This disgusts Karkat, Jack and Spades Slick, who is watching the scene from the same terminal seen at the end of the intermission. Gamzee really doesn't give a shit.
 * Once more the fourth wall is shattered as AH(now disguised as a troll) engages in some entertaining self loathing, as well as a delivering a complete overview of Troll romance(as if it wasn't confusing the first time).
 * We return to Spades Slick, who moves the story right along. We switch to the Dream Sollux upon Derse, revealing that he has a Dreamself on both Prospit and Derse. Sollux's dreamself launches himself from Derse, travelling to his planet, the Land of Brains and Fire, where he has assumed the role of Mage of Doom. Getting back to his hive, Feferi sees him as she attempts to fend off attacking brains and promptly starts flipping the fuck out.
 * Meanwhile, somewhere on Vriska's planet, both Tavros and Vriska travel to collect treasure and complete more pointless side quests. Vriska finds a chest of Boonbucks, which Tavros is extremely impressed with.
 * The '8th' exile, finding Vriska completely useless (due to the fact she doesn't respond to the commands) switches over to Terezi, the Seer of Mind in the Land of Thought and Flow. The exile tells Terezi it is time for her to exile Jack Noir.
 * Meanwhile on Nepeta's planet, the aptly-named LOLCAT, Nepeta kills an ogre with ease. She then sees Equius, tackles him adorably, and asks him what happened to Aradia. Equius has no idea where she is. She simply dissappeared...
 * Equius answers Karkat's Blog about HS 4443 (Team Adorabloodthirsty), a blog which connects to all players in the trolls' session throughout time. This is seen by the other members in the future as a complete waste of time.
 * Terezi explains to the 8th Exile the plan to exile the Black Queen. We then see the second update to Karkat's Blog, where he tries to set up the attack on the queen. Vriska and other members continually interrupt, with future Vriska asserting that she took down the queen mostly by herself.
 * Exiled Hearts Boxcars is then revealed, standing in front of a command screen. He tells Tavros to "Kiss the Girl" in a much more beligerent tone than Sebastian the Crab's soft, soulful urging of Prince Eric to "Kiss the Girl". Unfortunately Tavros cannot kiss the girl-- he can't even get up.
 * commands Vriska and Terezi to carry out her revenge plan upon Jack. Terezi uses her rocket wings to fly up to Skaia.
 * In a musical montage of past and present events, Vriska uses her psychic abilities to exact revenge on Terezi, combining the psychic powers of both Tavros and Terezi's Lusus to have her walk outside and stare at the sun, destroying her sight.
 * In the near present, the trolls continue on their quests. Karkat, Jack and Terezi are shown adventuring together, easily destroying powerful monsters. Gamzee explores LOTAM, Sollux and Feferi travel through LOBAF, and Nepeta and Equius battle on LOLCAT. Kanaya prepares to fight a huge monster on LOCAS, while Eridan attacks Sollux on his world, both using energy attacks of equal caliber.
 * As Tavros and Vriska adventure on LOMAT, Vriska zooms ahead of Tavros and is ambushed by Aradia, who appears from nowhere with objects that resemble the music boxes on LOQAM, her versions of Dave's Timetables. Utilising her powerful robotic form Aradia easily defeats Vriska. Tavros intervenes, preventing Aradia from dispatching Vriska. Vriska's dream self awakens, in time to get smacked in the face by Dream Terezi.
 * The Exiled Diamonds Droog commands Aradia to skip to the end. Aradia responds by telling DD to cease bossing her around. Future Aradia then opens up a private memo for her alternate selves across her timeline to follow.
 * Future Aradia recounts the events of her past in the memo. According to her, many doomed alternate futureselves were routed to the past to face the Black King, in an effort to neutralize the traits the Black King assumed from Glbgolyb, in particular,the ability to kill all surviving trools with one utterance.
 * Aradia reflects that without Glbgoylb's prototyping the battle would be easier. Although Karkat theorizes the fault belongs to the virus he ran, Aradia believes it's to test to see whether they are ready for the ultimate reward. During distraction made by the anachronistic Aradias, the other trolls combat the king, having scaled every echeladder and alchemized the best weaponry they can wield. Using boondollars, they have also purchased the most potent fraymotifs available.
 * Utilising their psionic powers, Aradia and Sollux turn the King's meteors against him, and with an extremely lucky roll of Vriska's dice, they win, proving for all time their worth. The Trolls nearly receive their reward but are interrupted by . The cause of the great undoing was the Rift, also known as a Scratch. The Rift is revealed to be a consequence of actions taken by the Kids.
 * We zoom to where Future Aradia is typing the memo. Her video log displays the same green lightning that manifests around Becquerel and.
 * Aradia explains that though the Kids would experience the direct effects of the Rift it would be the Trolls who would face the consequences.
 * Despite being unable to claim their reward and thus win their session, the purpose of the game is fulfilled-- the Troll's session creates Earth's universe. The Troll's reward would have been entry to that universe. But through the actionof the Kids, they are denied...
 * Thus ends the first act of Act 5.