Betty Crocker


 * For the true identity of the character operating under this name, see the Condesce.

Betty Crocker (aka Crockercorp), is a real-life multiglobal multinational corporation owned by General Mills. In Homestuck, however, Betty Crocker is considered the root of all evil. It is a shady and conspiratorial company owned by none other than the Batterwitch herself. It focuses its efforts on subliminal propaganda hidden within all of its products. The company was originally based on baking and confections alone, but was rebranded as Crockercorp on 11/11/11, experimenting with alien technology and diving into politics with an iron fist.

It should be noted that Crockercorp, in its current form, only exists in the post-scratch universe. In the previous incarnation of this universe, the Betty Crocker brand was focused on producing food, such as baking mixes and Gushers. Whether this is due to nearly three more years having passed or due to outside influence is currently unknown.

Roxy Lalonde refers to Crocker as a HS 6125. Through weird time-space shenanigans, it is revealed that Betty Crocker is the post-scratch troll empress and alternate adult incarnation of Meenah Peixes.

Pre-scratch
In the pre-scratch instance of Earth, the Legendary Pastry Baroness is Nanna's and Grandpa's adoptive grandmother. They both considered her to be a rather wicked woman and did not get along. She was also wife to Colonel Sassacre.

She raised Nanna and Grandpa together, but the two followed in the footsteps of her late husband, learning the ways of pranksterism. Eventually, the young Grandpa ran off with their dog, Halley, in search of adventure. Afterwards, Crocker taught Nanna the art of baking, which she took to with determination, hoping to one day surpass her evil mentor.

When Nanna mentioned her departed brother again, the Baroness told her that the two were not truly related, but destined to be married and produce a pair of children who would save the world, and she went to extensive lengths to prevent such happening. However, one day she vanished without a trace. Her pastry empire was then bequeathed not to Nanna, but to Grandpa, who integrated it into his already extensive business empire.

However, during Nanna's time as Crocker's pupil, she uncovered many dirty secrets about her, most alarmingly the fact that she was not human.

In the present, she is often mentioned feverishly by John, tired of his Dad's cakes and disgusted by her ownership of the Gushers brand. He is unaware of the relationship between Crocker and his family.

Upsettingly, she is responsible for Dave's premature access to the Insane Clown Posse song Miracles, which ultimately lead to Gamzee's religious upheaval and "termination" of pre-scratch Earth.

Post-scratch
In the post-scratch universe, Betty Crocker made the Recipe Modus, the Alpha release of Sburb, and the BettyBother client, overthrowing Skaianet (though, with its numerous ads and subliminal messaging, BettyBother is hardly competitive with Pesterchum). Jane Crocker refers to Betty as her HS 06107 (great-great-grandmother). This is because, similar to the events of the pre-scratch universe, Betty adopted the young Poppop and Grandma as her grandchildren. Thus, adoptively, Betty Crocker in the pre-scratch universe was John and Jade's great-great-grandmother, although they were unaware of this.

Many clues to her identity were given throughout Acts 5 and 6:
 * HS 5961 (Her imperial symbol) strongly resembles the HS 2878 (Betty Crocker logo) and is an exact match to the HS 6038 (rebranded Betty Crocker logo) on 11/11/11.
 * Sburb Alpha was released on "2x3prong Day". The Condesce and her descendant both use the 2x3dentkind strife specibus, reserved only for troll royalty.
 * Jane Crocker owns an Unreal Heiress Thoughtwave Tiaratop produced by Betty Crocker that is emblazoned with a Pisces symbol.
 * Her formal title is The Baroness, which fits with the eight-letter naming scheme of troll ancestors.
 * The Battleship Condescension has the same initials as Betty Crocker.
 * A BettyBother pop-up inviting users to 'Be the first to visit Mars' features the Battleship Condescension in the Martian sky.
 * The term "Batterwitch" used by several of the kids can be seen as a hint. Her descendent, Feferi, was the Witch of Life in the post-scratch troll's session. Though Meenah happens to be the Thief of Life, this was not revealed at the time of the term's first use.

It is still unknown, however, how the Condesce was in both the pre-scratch and post-scratch kids' universes, as well as their post-scratch session. It may have been facilitated by her employer,. Her path from the post-scratch troll universe to the human universe may have been retroactively affected by the scratch, as well, thus effectively duplicating her between the pre-scratch and post-scratch instances.

Troll Universe
Though the Condesce is the empress of the post-scratch troll universe, there is oddly a "Troll Crocker" referenced by Karkat in Alterniabound. One of the items that can be found is a pack of "Fruit Trollups", featuring a greyed out version of the Betty Crocker symbol with troll horns. Alterniabound was posted nearly a year before the reveal of the Condesce, however, so her existence may not have been thought of (or was simply hidden to avoid suspicion) at the time.

Real World
There never was a real life Betty Crocker associated with the company. She is a fictional character created by General Mills to answer letters, write books, and later become a franchise of her own. Many people over the years have written under this pseudonym, and many have posed to be the face of Betty. On the other hand, there is a Batterwitch profile on the Betty Crocker website which used to display activity using the Condesce's typing quirk and character traits, but it appears to have been inactive for some time.

Baking chest
Jane owns this chest and uses it to store several personal belongings and other Crocker products. It's unclear if it has any special functionality other than being a chest. Its appearance and contents directly parallel the Magic Chest owned by John.

Junior Battermaster's Bowlbuster Stirring/Poking Solution 50000
The Junior Battermaster's Bowlbuster Stirring Solution 50000 can store several million recipes inside it, with a soothing female voice that walks you through each one. It is also currently Jane's "weapon" of choice. As of the rebranding the Stirring Solution can toggle between a Stirring and a Poking Solution.

BettyBother


BettyBother is a Crockercorp chat client, albeit potentially only existing post-scratch. Jane Crocker uses it even though she clearly shows contempt towards it and outright says Pesterchum is better. However, brand loyalty is a powerful thing. It's stated that her friends use Pesterchum instead, and so it appears there is cross-program compatibility between BettyBother and Pesterchum, in a similar case to Trollian. While Pesterchum labels chats as "pestering" BettyBother uses the term "bothering" instead.

It is full of spam and popups, all of which contain subliminal messaging from the Batterwitch.

Gristwidget 12000 Prototype
The Gristwidget 12000 accepts Captchalogue Cards and Boondollars. When a card is inserted, it displays a value in Boondollars. Inserting that many Boondollars and activating the Gristwidget results in the item being converted into grist. Converting items into Grist is already possible within Sburb, but this requires the help of a server player. While more expensive, the Gristwidget 12000 is more convenient for players on the go.

Unreal Heiress Thoughtwave Tiaratop
The Unreal Heiress Thoughtwave Tiaratop appears to be a sort of portable computer that mingles fast processor speeds and the wearer's thoughts. However, wearing it for too long tends to cause migraines, and may make the user OBEY susceptible to DIE Crockercorp propaganda. It should be noted that the Pisces zodiac sign is located in the center of the Tiaratop, bearing resemblance to Feferi and the Condesce. It also looks exactly like Feferi's tiara, except red.

Near the end of Act 6 Act 5#Act 6 Act 5 Act 1 x2 Her Imperious Condecension uses the Tiaratop to control Jane Crocker.

Dunce Cap
The Betty Crocker Dunce Cap, at least at this point in time, appears to be just a normal name brand dunce cap. It costs 10 boondollars to be converted into grist by the Gristwidget 12000.