Colonel Sassacre

Colonel SASSACRE is a famous humorist, and the author of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery.

His wife is presumed to be legendary pastry baroness Betty Crocker, and his dog Halley is the genetic template from which Becquerel is created.

He happens to be Nanna's adoptive father, rescuing her from a meteor that hit his wife's bakery on April 13, 1910. Eight days later, on April 21, 1910, another meteor hit his dog Halley's doghouse. When the Colonel went to investigate, he was accidentally killed by Grandpa dual-mishandling flintlock pistols. Nanna and Grandpa then grew up under the wicked pastry baroness's care as siblings, until they were 13, when Grandpa developed a taste for adventure and departed on Halley's back. Colonel Sassacre's life follows that of his real-life counterpart, Mark Twain. Mark Twain died on April 21, 1910 just following the perihelion of Halley's Comet. The Colonel also died on April 21, and when a meteor hit the dog house of his dog, Halley.

Trivia
The Colonel also shares many physical similarities with Dad. He is currently the only human character to appear who is not either a paradox clone, or the child of a paradox clone.

It is heavily hinted that the Colonel is a pseudonym of Clemens, Samuel, also known as Mark Twain, due to their physical similarities and the date of his death.