Homestuck Kids

The Homestuck Kids are about the similarities and differences between the main characters in Homestuck, and maintains the subtle feature in Problem Sleuth that was not as apparent: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Nearly everything that exists and the actions done in the story are replicated differently through another character.

This page is similar to Problem Sleuth's Escaping the Office.

Note
The differences and similarities shown here are not dead on accounts of what is to be expected. Andrew has stated that he doesn't follow completely with this concept because he wishes to move the story along, so while the intention is there and the similarities are put there on purpose, it doesn't necessitate that every character mimics the other in the same fashion nor do the the items described below follow in the same order. However, the similarities that are used are present enough to be able to warrant this page existing.

gardenGnostic has not been formally introduced. However, she has taken part of enough of this concept that she can easily be included in this page with the current evidence provided.

Introductions and Habits
Each kid in Homestuck is introduced in a similar, albeit unique manner based on several factors. Along with this they each follow a type of progression as they inch nearer toward what could ultimately be called the actual game - When the meteor from Sburb is summoned toward their abode and presumably either destroys them or sends them to the Shadowy-Oil like world.


 * Each kid is introduced by the player giving them a name.
 * John Egbert was never given a name before, and on his thirteenth birthday initially called Zoosmell Pooplord, but the game rejects it.
 * Rose Lalonde was to be named Flighty Broad, but she doesn't like the sound of it.
 * Dave Strider was about to be given the name of Insufferable Prick, but he slices the naming box in half with a Ninja Sword before it finishes. He just doesn't have time for that kind of bullshit.
 * The kids are similar in stature and build, but are made to look different.
 * John has black messy hair, glasses, and a belt. His shirt has a picture of a Slimer-like creature called Green Slime ghost on it. His overbite is also readily apparent.
 * Rose has feminine eyebrows, and a hair band. Her shirt has a picture of a Squiddles on it, defaced by her rubbing a coin on the mouth and eyes. Most likely coincidental, she shares the same demeanor and likeness of Mandy from the Billy and Mandy series.
 * Dave has really rad hair and some sunglasses. His shirt has a picture of a record on it. Obviously this is really fucking cool.
 * Interests play a large part of the individuality of the kid.
 * John's biggest interest is in pranks. He also likes computer games, programming, bad movies, and webcomics. He is a huge fan of Colonel Sassacre's and keeps his hefty tome in his Magic Chest.
 * Rose is largely interested in Lovecraftian horrors, or the "Zoologically Dubious". Her other hobbies include knitting, writing in her diary and dabbling in Psychoanalysis.
 * Dave is based on just being cool. He loves to do things that are ironic in nature, such as maintain a host of ironic websites and comic strips, he also has a dark room and keeps things that are dead preserved in odd ways.
 * Though gardenGnostic hasn't been seen or talked about much, it can be assumed she has some interest in gardening.
 * Each of the kids plays a different musical instrument and has a leitmotif.
 * John plays the piano. His musical theme is Showtime.
 * Rose plays the violin. Her musical theme is Aggrieve.
 * Dave likes to put out ill beats using mixing equipment. His musical theme has yet to be heard.
 * The kids are all given a color to denote their character. This color is shown predominately in their chats through Pesterchum. The color that their house is bathed in does not necessarily reflect this trait.
 * John's main color is blue. He sends a blue package to Dave containing some Sunglasses.
 * Rose's main color is purple. She has a purple package ready for John, but she never sent it.
 * Dave's main color is red. He sent a red package to John that contained a very special bunny
 * It's simple to speculate that gardenGnostic's color is green. Her Pesterchum color would indicate this, and she sent a green package to John, but it fell into the endless void with Dad's car.
 * Odd commands are given to the kids that involve making an animalistic noise and then doing some bodily function on furniture.
 * John is given the command to squawk like a bird and then shit on his desk. He's given a similar command later toward his mailbox.
 * Rose is told to writhe like a flagellum and then puke on her bed.
 * Dave is pushed to bleat like a goat and then piss on his turntables. Unlike the other two who outright deny the entire notion, Dave considers bleating like a goat later for ironic purposes.
 * Each kid lives in a different time zone.
 * John lives on the west coast.
 * Rose lives on the east coast, three hours ahead of John.
 * Dave uses central time, two hours ahead of John.
 * If the trend continues, it can be assumed that GG lives in a mountain time area, one hour ahead of John.

Traits and Likenesses
After the introductions, subtle similarities occur between them as they go about their business. It's typically the case that they all share the same generic notion of an item, but it is usually very altered and different from the other kids versions. The kids never share a copy of that kind of item in their home.


 * The kids each own a computer. However, they all have different operating systems, web browsers (each named after mythological Greek figures with relationships to Gaia, and programs.
 * John's computer's OS is similar to Windows XP. His web browser is Typheus, named after the last son of Gaia who attempted to destroy Zeus. His desktop is littered with various programming project files.
 * Rose's computer is similar to a Macintosh. Her web browser is Cetus, a Greek sea monster, daughter of Gaia and Pontus. Her elegantly wallpapered desktop is organized into three folders: 'leavings,' 'scraps,' and 'detritus.'
 * Dave's computer's OS is similar to Windows 7. His web browser is Hephaestus, the Greek god of technology who impregnated Gaia. His computer runs Pesterchum 7.0., a slightly upgraded version of 6.0 that the other two run. His desktop has three folders: 'Ill Beats,' 'Dope Rhymes. So Dope,' and 'Complete Bullshit.'
 * Though it's yet to be seen, there's no doubt that gardenGnostic owns or at least uses a computer. She seems to be the least tech-savvy of the kids and likely has little on it other then Pesterchum and a browser. Her browser is most likely Gaia, due to the connection above and the relation to earth.
 * Along with a computer, each kid has a Pesterchum screen name related to their interests and/or personalities.
 * John's screen name is ectoBiologist. It hints at his interest in Ghostbusters and the paranormal.
 * Rose's tentacleTherapist screen name shows her interest in eldritch horrors, psychoanalysis and wordplay.
 * Dave's turntechGodhead screen name indicates both his love for DJing and his large ego.
 * gardenGnostic has been shown to have uncanny insight in events that haven't happened yet, and is more down to earth than her techy geek friends.
 * In addition to a computer, each kid has a portable way of communicating.
 * John has his father's PDA.
 * Rose's laptop is already portable.
 * Dave has his phone.
 * An item from Problem Sleuth appears in their room.
 * John's item is the Hammer. It serves as a normal hammer and as the weapon of choice for John and his Strife Specibus.
 * Rose's item is the Ink of Squid Pro Quo. Rose never interacts with it.
 * Dave's item is the fabled Sunglasses. He's currently wearing them in an ironic gesture.
 * It appears that the children in Homestuck each have an Associated Classical Element, evidenced by both their choice of web browser and the weather outside their house.
 * John's associated element is Wind. His web browser is Typheus, a reference to the hundred-headed serpent who was the father of the winds. Before being plunged into the meta-reality of Sburb, the weather outside his house was a light, breezy day.
 * Rose's associated element is Water. Her web browser is Cetus, the monstrous personification of the sea and various terrors held within. Where Rose lives on the East Cost, it is raining.
 * Dave's associated element is Fire. His browser is Hephaestus, the god of the forge. Wherever Dave lives, it is currently hot. So hot. This is ironic because Dave is so goddam cool. His associated colour is also Red, the colour most associated with fire and heat.
 * GardenGnostic's associated element is presumably Earth, as her screen name is slightly linked to earth, but this remains to be seen. The conditions around her house will most likely involve the earth; she may live in a desert or the mountains and or there may be a landslide, a dust storm, or something similar.
 * Additionally, each kid owns a poster containing something about Problem Sleuth or related to it in a fashion.
 * John has the poster of Problem Sleuth being exceptionally hard boiled.
 * Rose has a poster of Beasts.
 * Dave is in possession of a poster of the Midnight Crew.
 * The kids have each been given a birthday gift from their authority figure which has been customized to fit their interests.
 * John father gave a him a large harlequin which John equipped with his Fake Arms.
 * Rose's mother bought her a Pretty Princess doll which Rose turned into an Eldritch Princess by knitting a new head and tentacles for it.
 * Each kid has a poorly drawn picture hanging up on their fridge.
 * John drew an image of Slimer about one week before the story started. His Dad hung it up using a jester magnet.
 * Rose made a portrait of her late cat Jaspers, accompined by a poem, when she was young. Her Mother purchased a $15,000 frame and had it welded to the freezer door.
 * Dave drew a picture of Sweet Bro which was hung on the fridge by a GameBro magnet (no doubt an ironic statement) until the magnet was dislodged by a shuriken.

Actions and Reactions
As the kids are stumbling through their respective homes doing their daily tasks, each of them goes through a series of mix-ups and accidents that occur. They also react similarly to certain happenings that each kid encounters in their home.


 * Each kid suffers a trial with their Sylladex.
 * John suffers the most with his Sylladex, not even understanding how it works and launches things constantly out his window. He also combines several objects together that clearly should not be combined together and has to Captchalouge obscene amounts of useless items to get to items he needs.
 * Rose's Sylladex is a constant hassle. While notably out of the three so far, it seems it is the easiest to work with being the least restrictive by allowing one to retrieve and Captchalogue items at will. The downside is that choosing an item may cause the others to break and crash to the floor.
 * Dave's Sylladex is the most powerful, albeit unwieldy. He is able to Captchalogue whatever he likes provided it doesn't cause a collision in his Sylladex in his Hash Function. He is easily able to retrieve items at will provided he uses a verb with the same Hash Function as the item. The trouble stems that the Hash Function recognizes any verb that comes from him and will react accordingly.
 * The kids all have an authority figure that shares a similar, yet different taste than the kid. The kid also has an opinion on their authority figure that causes them to believe something about them that may not be true. This typically causes Strife between the two.
 * John's guardian is his Dad. Dad enjoys Harlequins and loves to pull pranks. John believes his Dad's doting on him is insincere, and that the constant amount of Cake he is baking is made to spite him.
 * Rose's guardian is her Mother. Mother prefers conventional wizards, and goes to great lengths to decorate her house with the most extravagant finger-wigglers known to man. Rose believes that her Mother is just using Cruel Irony to irritate her, but it's more likely possible that Mother has genuine empathy toward her daughter than Rose believes.
 * Dave's guardian is possibly his Bro. Dave is not irritated toward his Bro's preference toward Puppets nor does he believe his Bro is doing something to annoy him. Though he seems to be under the impression that his Bro's fondness for them is purely an ironic gesture, despite evidence to the contrary.
 * gardenGnostic lives with her Grandfather. Their confrontations have been known as intense and he is commonly considered a bit of a badass.
 * When first making it outside, a famous quote - or lyric - is thought of by the kid, but incorrectly attributed to the wrong person completely.
 * John Egbert gets the notion that Walt Whitman made his quote.
 * Rose Lalonde feels that Charles Barkley is the one responsible for her quote.
 * Dave Strider thinks about Snoop Dogg lyrics but attributes them to John Keats.