Guardian

Not to be confused with First Guardian, though may have some relation.

Each of the Homestuck Kids has a figure of authority in their lives, referred to in the narration by an all-caps three-letter word.
 * John Egbert has his Dad.
 * Rose Lalonde has her Mom.
 * Dave Strider has his Bro.
 * Jade Harley has Bec, who is also Earth's First Guardian.
 * Grandpa and Nanna are often listed as guardians of John and Jade respectively, despite not taking the roles of the other four.

Guardian Rubrics
The method in which the guardians 'Aggrieve'. Most of these 'attacks' are non-violent and are composed of ways to force unwanted gifts and treats upon the kids. It really bugs them.


 * Dad utilizes cakes.
 * Coddlebrand: An aggressive offering of cake, resulting in a Dotesmite.
 * Mom utilizes expensive gifts and her signature martini.
 * Ironic Indulgence: A lavish gift, such as 'A Beautiful Pony!'
 * Ironic Negligence: Insists Rose take a sip of her martini, even though she is clearly a minor.
 * Bro uses his katanas and Lil Cal. None of his Rubrics, if he has any, have been named.
 * Bec prefers to guard Jade and defend against her attacks, and will likely never deliberately harm her. His method of attack has not yet been observed, but his powers are seen as distorting the fabric of space in elaborate and bizarre ways.

Traits and Likenesses
The Guardians share identifying traits about them that denote them as guardians. These similarities can manifest in their physical appearance and presence. They also seem to be able to easily overwhelm their charges with their own abilities.


 * They are drawn with a single facial feature. This is purely an element of style — John's father can smoke a pipe despite not being drawn with a mouth, and he can drive a car despite not being drawn with eyes — so the reason for them being like this is symbolic. These features may be related to the Kids' associated elements.
 * Dad only has a nose, tied to the aromas of smoke and baking, and to John's element of air.
 * Mom only has lips, tied to her drinking, and to Rose's element of water. Might also be tied to Rose's verbosity.
 * Bro only has eyes (beneath his sunglasses), tied to his voyeuristic websites and to Dave's element of fire (and therefore, light).
 * Bec only has ears. How this ties with Jade's element of earth is a bit far-fetched, but he's an oddball of a guardian anyway. A possibility is from the phrase “keeping your ear to the ground.” Or it could just be that ears are the only prominent facial feature left.

They use Guardian Rubrics when entering Strife.
 * They are all single, guaranteeing one on one Strife.
 * Highly obsessive hobbies:
 * Dad collects pictures and statues of clowns harlequins, reads a magazine entitled 'The Serious Jester,' and once had a restraining order filed against him by Cirque du Soleil; however, this behavior has recently discovered to be caused by John's odd doodles on his movie posters, previously unknown to him and the reader.
 * Mom has been shown to be equally mad about wizards, filling every room in her house (save Rose's) with images of them. She even had a 20 foot tall granite statue of a wizard installed in her living room via a crane and a hole in her roof. Originally believed to merely be a way to passive aggressively annoy Rose, it is shown that Rose does indeed like wizards, and it is suggested by Dave that the wizards may merely be a failed attempt for Mom to connect to Rose.
 * Bro lines his house with puppets and puppet posters, even keeping them in the shower. He keeps one puppet in particular, Lil Cal, near him almost all the time, but leaves Lil Cal to Dave when the game begins.
 * Grandpa has many sorts of collections, and most of them annoy Jade, though he seems particularly fond of guns and has even taught Jade to carry a gun with her whenever she leaves the house.
 * Bec is probably not obsessed with anything other than Jade. He is a dog.
 * Personal vices.
 * Dad is never seen without a pipe and is an avid collector of them, to the point of having his Serious Business screen name reflect his enthusiasm.
 * Mom keeps many bottles of alcohol in the house and is always holding a martini glass, even while faking housework.
 * Bro plays mind games with Dave, acting like a ninja to mess with his head. He collects ninja weapons and explosives, which he stores haphazardly in his kitchen. Finally, he seems to be a bit HS 2360 (excessively) into puppets.
 * Bec is in the mood for steak every day and is never in the mood for anything else. And he likes his steak well-cooked, by which we mean "rare but lightly irradiated".
 * There's a lot of suspense and buildup before a guardian makes his or her first true appearance, often with the child actively avoiding the guardian. Shortly before they appear fully, a guardian will appear as a silhouette.
 * The guardians have nigh-on-impossible powers and abilities.
 * Dad is amazingly strong, able to lift large safes and punch opponents through walls.
 * Mom appears fantastically rich, allowing her to buy beautiful ponies, 18 foot tall statues she has craned in through holes in the roof, and funerals for cats, all on a whim. She also has some deadly serious kung fu.
 * Bro's ninjutsu skills allow him to move and interact with objects at a blinding speed, as well as making him excellent at Strife. Also he split a meteor in two with his sword, and fought jack noir on even terms.
 * Bec's powers over the cosmos allow him to destroy and catch bullets in mid-air, shrink himself and others, and teleport almost anywhere in space and possibly time.

Possible Connections to Sburb
The Guardians appear at first to be aloof and don't show much interest in the Kids or what they are doing, and they certainly have no particular care toward Sburb. Despite this, they all seem to be discreetly involved or have knowledge of Sburb and related events around it. Their intentions however, are still well disguised, and it is uncertain how far involved they are with this Weird Plot Shit.
 * Dad collects HS 2445 (newspaper articles concerning meteor strikes) in suburbs in his study safe, one of which is dated Monday, April 13, John's birthday.
 * Dad has also been making short work of the subjects in Derse, humiliating the Hegemonic Brute, and causing such a ruckus (As well as finally destroying Jack Noir's stupid Comical Hat) that Jack has let Dad go.
 * Mom lives in a house next to the SkaiaNet Laboratory that has something to do with Sburb and even has a Transportalizer to the lab in her room.
 * It is implied that Mom sleeps not in her room, but rather in the lab.
 * Bro had the Skaianet website open on his computer. It's unclear why he would have an interest in it.
 * Bro may or may not know something about Jack Noir because he seemed to challenge him before they fought.
 * Grandpa lives in a tower that somehow came from Prospit, next to the Frog Temple, and that alone can not be a coincidence.
 * Among the trophies of the big game that Jade's grandpa hunted, that of a Crude Ogre and other creatures that are Sburb related can be seen. HS 3795 (It appears that) Grandpa has been to The Medium and back several times.
 * Bec was spawned by the Draconian Dignitary in SBURB and arrived on Earth by the first Skaian meteor impact that created the crater in Jade's island and that the Frog Temple eventually emerged out of.