Betty Crocker


 * For the true identity of this character see: The Imperial Condesce

Legendary Pastry Baroness Betty Crocker (a.k.a. the Batterwitch) is Nanna's and Grandpa's adoptive grandmother. She was also wife to Colonel Sassacre. They both considered her to be a rather wicked woman and they did not get along.

She raised Nanna and Grandpa together, but the two followed in the footsteps of her late husband, learning the ways of pranksterism. Eventually, the young Grandpa ran off with Halley in search of adventure. Afterwards Crocker taught Nanna of baking, which she took to with determination, hoping to one day surpass her evil mentor.

When one day Nanna mentioned the departed Grandpa again, the baroness told her of her true origins and told her that she was determined to keep the two apart, since they were destined to be married and produce a pair of children who would save the world (this demonstrates how the baroness did not know of ectobiology). However, one day she vanished without a trace. Her pastry empire was bequeathed not to Nanna, but to Grandpa, who integrated it into his already extensive business empire.

However, during Nanna's time as Crocker's pupil, she uncovered many dirty secrets about her, most alarmingly the fact that she was not human.

In the present she is often cursed by John after becoming tired of his father's constant cakes and her ownership of the Gushers brand. He is unaware of their relationship.

Her business empire was not limited to food products. A Betty Crocker logo can be seen on the casing of Jade's dreambot HS 5884 (here), though this could be due to the fact that Grandpa inherited the Betty Crocker empire.

Apparently she is responsible for Dave's early access to the ICP song "Miracles", which would ultimately lead to Gamzee's crisis in faith and descent into madness.

Post-Scratch


In the post-Scratch universe, Betty Crocker made the the Recipe Modus, the Sburb Alpha and the BettyBother client, overthrowing Skaianet as the most important company of Homestuck (though, with its numerous ads BettyBother is hardly competitive with Pesterchum). Notably, Jane Crocker refers to Betty Crocker as her HS 06107 (great great grandmother), this is because similar to the events of the pre-Scratch universe she is adopts young Poppop and Grandma as her grandchildren (in the pre-Scratch universe, Betty Crocker was technically John and Jade's Great-great-grandmother, although they were unaware of this).

With Roxy Lalonde's referral to her as a "HS 6125 (cake sellin genocidal alien overlard sea queen)", it is all but certain that the true identity of Betty Crocker is the troll empress (or an alternate universe equivalent). Even before this, several clues to this identity were given:


 * The similarity of HS 5961 (her imperial symbol) to the HS 2878 (Betty Crocker logo), and its exact match to the HS 6038 (rebranded Betty Crocker logo).
 * The post-scratch Sburb alpha was released on 11.11.11, i.e. "2x3prong Day", and the Condesce and her descendant both use the 2x3dentkind strife specibus (reserved only for troll royalty).
 * Jane Crocker owns an Unreal Heiress Thoughtwave Tiaratop, clearly produced by Betty Crocker, that is emblazoned with a Pisces symbol (the Condesce's caste symbol).
 * Her formal title is Baroness, which fits with the ancestor naming scheme of eight-letter titles.
 * The Condesce's "Battleship Condescension" has the same initials as Betty Crocker.
 * A Bettybother pop-up inviting users to 'Be the first to visit Mars' features a very conspicuous Battleship Condescension in the Martian sky.
 * The term "batterwitch" used by several of the Kids can be seen as a hint. The Condesce possesses the "touch of life" ability and was called a witch by Mindfang. Most Ancestors closely parallel the roles of their descendants, and Feferi was the Witch of Life in the trolls' post-Scratch session.

It is not yet clear how the Condesce could be both in the pre-Scratch and post-Scratch kids' respective sessions, unless the job given her by required and facilitated work in, and access to, both sessions. It is possible in this case that one Betty Crocker is the pre-Scratch version of Feferi, though this is unlikely due to the fact that individuals retain their personality in between Scratched and un-Scratched universes.

Troll Universe
Oddly enough, there does seem to be an equivalent of Betty Crocker in the Troll universe. In Alterniabound, one of the items that can be found is a pack of "Fruit Trollups", which has a greyed out version of the Betty Crocker symbol with troll horns. The message upon receiving it states "Troll Crocker's vile tendrils are everywhere".

Real World


There never was a real life Betty Crocker. She is a fictional character created by General Mills to answer letters, and was later used to write books. Many people over the years have written under this pseudonym, and many have posed to be the face of Betty. She was never a real person.

OR WAS SHE????????

No, seriously, though, she wasn't.

However, this particular page on the actual Crocker site is a little worrying...