Guardian

Each of the Homestuck Kids has a figure of authority in their lives.
 * John Egbert has his Dad.
 * Rose Lalonde has her Mother.
 * Dave Strider has his Bro.
 * Jade Harley has her Grandpa  Becquerel.

Guardian Rubrics
The method in which the guardians 'Aggrieve'. Most of these 'attacks' are non-violent and are composed of ways to force unwanted gifts and treats upon the kids. It really bugs them.
 * Dad utilizes cakes.
 * Coddlebrand: An aggressive offering of cake, sometimes resulting in a Dotesmite.
 * Mother utilizes expensive gifts and her signature martini.
 * Ironic Indulgence: A lavish gift, such as 'A Beautiful Pony!'
 * Ironic Negligence: Insists Rose take a sip of her martini, even though she is clearly a minor.
 * Bro uses his katanas and Lil Cal. None of his Rubrics, if he has any, have been named.
 * Becquerel prefers to guard and defend against Jade. His method of attack has not yet been observered.

Traits and Likenesses

 * They only ever seem to have a single facial feature.
 * Dad only has a nose.
 * Mother only has lips.
 * Bro only has sunglasses, and thus eyes.
 * Grandfather, ironically (or rather, aptly, given his status as decoy guardian), has all. He has a grandfatherly moustache (nose), teeth (mouth), and square glasses (eyes).
 * Bec has none. The shape of his face, however, is instantly recognizable.
 * They use Guardian Rubrics when entering Strife.
 * They are all single, guaranteeing one on one Strife.
 * Highly obsessive hobbies.
 * Dad collects pictures and statues of clowns harlequins, reads a magazine entitled 'The Serious Jester,' and once had a restraining order filed against him by Cirque du Soleil.
 * Mom has been shown to be equally mad about wizards, filling every room in her house (save Rose's) with images of them. She even had a 20 foot tall granite statue of a wizard installed in her living room via a crane and a hole in her roof.
 * Bro lines his house with puppets and puppet posters, even keeping them in the shower. He keeps one puppet in particular, Lil Cal, near him almost all the time.
 * Grandpa is obsessed with many things, including big game trophies, knights, mummies, and sun-bleached pictures of women stolen from beauty parlors.
 * Personal vices.
 * Dad is never seen without a pipe and is an avid collector of them, to the point of having his Serious Business screen name reflect his enthusiasm.
 * Mom keeps many bottles of alcohol in the house and is always holding a martini glass, even while faking housework.
 * Bro plays mind games with Dave, acting like a ninja to mess with his head. He collects ninja weapons and explosives, which he stores haphazardly in his kitchen. Finally, he seems to be a bit too into puppets.
 * Grandpa possesses several stuffed combination creatures, suggesting either a love of genetic engineering, elaborate taxidermy, or intentionally hunting down rare animals. Alternatively, his hoarding habits go above and beyond the other guardian's obsessions; some of the cluttered rooms in his tower seem to serve no purpose other then storing his collections and parts of the building are blocked by the mess.
 * There's a lot of suspense and buildup before a guardian makes his or her first true appearance, often with the child actively avoiding the guardian. Shortly before they appear fully, a guardian will appear as a silhouette.

Possible Connections to Sburb

 * Dad collects newspaper articles concerning meteor strikes in suburbs in his study safe, one of which is dated Monday, April 13, John's birthday.
 * Mother lives in a house next to the laboratory where Sburb was most likely developed.
 * Bro had the Skaianet website open on his computer.
 * Grandfather lives next to (or so it seems) an ancient structure with Sburb logos up its sides, which was caused by a meteor summoned by Sburb (or atleast it appears so by the gate through which it appeared) many years ago but not many . This created a vast hole next to a volcano that was filled up, and then created the Frog Temple. Furthermore, the head of an unprototyped Ogre has been seen above his mantepiece.