View source for Alchemiter

[[File:RealAlchemiter.png|right|400px]]
The '''Alchemiter''' is one of three devices that can be created by the [[Sburb]] client immediately after installation.

Found within the Phernalia Registry, [[Cruxite#Dowels|Cruxite dowels]] can be placed on the pedestal where they will be scanned and an object will be created by the Alchemiter using [[alchemy]]. An unaltered Cruxite dowel appears to create [[Perfectly Generic Object]]s while one that is carved by the [[Totem Lathe]] will create an item specific to the pattern in which it was carved.

The Alchemiter is used by [[Rose Lalonde]] to help [[John Egbert]] defeat [[Ogre|Crude Ogres]].

While the Alchemiter at first glance appears to only allow duplication of objects, John discovers that new items can be created by combining the hole-patterns of two or more items in various ways. This creates an item that usually shares qualities of all of the original items. The process appears to be rather context-sensitive, as the resultant item can possess qualities that the original items were only implied to have.

For example, Rose's [[needlekind#Needlewands|Needlewands]] have magic powers since they were made from a statue of a [[wizards|wizard]], even though the statue itself possessed no appreciable magic power. John has noted that the alphanumeric code found on Captchalogue cards is too limited to cover every possible item in the world, so the alchemy process may be less free-form than it appears. Certain key items (such as the Sburb Beta) lack readable codes and cannot be alchemized without the [[Intellibeam Laserstation|laserstation]]. [[Pumpkin]]s (and ghost imprints thereof) also have no code, and never will have one.

[[File:Alchemiter sigil.png|left|200px]]
However, an item isn't needed to make one. All you need is a cruxite dowel, you can carve it with the Totem Lathe to get a specific item, you choose how it's carved by inserting a punched captchalogue card. You punch captchalogue cards using the [[Punch Designix]]. You can punch cards with codes taken from the back of captchalogued items or randomly, or via two methods of combining items.

There are two ways to combine cards for the Alchemiter: "||" combine and "&&" combine. The difference between these is merely the way you punch the card, || (the "OR" combine) means you punch a hole in the result card for every hole there is in either card, done methodically. The second && (the "AND" combine) means you merely line the cards up next to each other, so that anywhere that there's a hole in both there's a hole in the result card. Appropriately for AND combining, an && alchemy result will often demonstrate the functionality of both components – e.g. [[Dave's computers#iShades|Dave's iShades]] can be a phone ''and'' a rad pair of shades – while an || alchemy result will typically have the functionality of only one of the components, but the form of the other – e.g. the Hammerhead Pogo Ride, which is just a pogo that happens to be hammer-shaped.

Due to the Alchemiter's rather abstract means of combining items, it is possible to create the same item through varying combinations of ingredients, and thus, vastly differing quantities and types of grist.

Unsurprisingly, the [[troll]]s also have Alchemiters as they are an important part of the game and therefore most likely appear in every session - at least ones able to bear a universe. The [[Trolls' meteor]] has at least four alchemiters.

When equipped with the holopad upgrade, Alchemiters display holograms of the items that the user wants to possibly make before they do it{{HS|1843}}.

==Items Alchemized==
===By [[John Egbert|John]]===
[[File:John sweet loot.gif|thumb|300px|John's items.]]
*[[Perfectly Generic Object]]s
*[[Cruxite#Cruxite Apple|Cruxite Apple]]
*[[Sylladex#Captchalogue Deck|Blank Captchalogue Cards]]
*[[Hammerkind#Claw Hammer|Hammers]]
*[[John's inventory#Green Slime Ghost Pogo|Green Slime Ghost Pogo]]
*Rocket Pack with cinderblock, violin, and flower pot stuck inside
*[[Hammerkind#Claw Hammer|Claw Hammer]] && Green Slime Ghost Pogo = [[Hammerkind#Pogo Hammer|Pogo Hammer]]
*Bunny Sassacre Fedora
*Green Slime Ghost Pogo || Claw Hammer = Hammerhead Pogo Ride
*[[John's outfits#Suit|Suit]] && Green Slime Ghost Shirt = [[John's outfits#Green Slime Ghost Suit|Green Slime Ghost Suit]]
*Green Slime Ghost Suit || [[Magic Chest#Harry Anderson "Wise Guy"|"Wise Guy"]] book = [[John's outfits#Wise Guy Slime Suit|Wise Guy Slime Suit]]
*[[PDA]] && Glasses = [[Serious Business Goggles]]
*[[Hammerkind#Sledgehammer|Sledgehammer]] || [[Books in Homestuck#Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text|Sassacre Text]] && Telescope = [[Hammerkind#Telescopic Sassacrusher|Telescopic Sassacrusher]]
*[[John's inventory#Fruit Gushers|Gushers]] && Blue Ectoplasm = [[John's inventory#Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers|Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers]]
*[[Magic Chest#Fake Arms|Fake Arms]] && Blue Ectoplasm || PDA = [[John's inventory#Remote Ghost Gauntlets|Remote Ghost Gauntlet]] (right-handed)
*Remote Ghost Gauntlet (right-handed) && Mirror = Remote Ghost Gauntlet (left-handed)
*Gushers && Shaving Cream = [[John's inventory#Betty Crocker Barbasol Bomb|Betty Crocker Barbasol Bomb]]
*Umbrella && Straight Razor = [[Umbrellakind#Barber's Best Friend|Barber's Best Friend]]
*Potted Plant
*[[Painting of a Horse Attacking a Football Player]]
*[[John's inventory#Cosby Poster|Clean Cosby Poster]]
*Clean Cosby Poster && Computer = [[John's computers#Cosbytop|Cosbytop Computer]]
*[[Dad]]'s Fedora && Problem Sleuth Poster = [[Problem Sleuth (character)|Fedora]] & [[candy corn]]
*Pogo Hammer || Iron = [[Hammerkind#Wrinklefucker|Wrinklefucker]]
*[[Rocket#John's Rocket Pack|Rocket Pack]]
*[[Hammerkind#Fear No Anvil|Fear No Anvil]]
*[[John's outfits#Vriska's Outfit|Vriska Outfit]]
*[[Pop-a-matic Vrillyhoo Hammer]]

John's alchemy montage can be found {{HS|1053|here}}.

===By [[Rose Lalonde|Rose]]===
[[File:Rose sweet loot.gif|thumb|300px|Rose's items]]
*[[Cruxite#Cruxite Bottle|Cruxite Bottle]]
*Hub && Laptop = [[Rose's computers#Hubtop|Hubtop]]
*Bronzed Vacuum && Umbrella = [[Umbrellakind#Bronzed Vacuumbrella|Bronzed Vacuumbrella]]
*[[Casey]] || Eldritch Plush = Huggable Soft Salamancer Plush
*[[Ink of Squid Pro Quo]] && Gushers = [[John's inventory#Bodacious Black Liquid Sorrow Gushers|Bodacious Black Liquid Sorrow Gushers]]
*Hubtop && Hairband = [[Rose's computers#Hubtopband|Hubtopband]]
*Magnetic W && bottle of vodka = [[Rose's inventory#Magnetic Wodka|Magnetic Wodka]]
*Wizard statue && ball of yarn = [[Rose's inventory#Silken Wizardbeard Yarn|Silken Wizardbeard Yarn (with magical properties)]]
*Wizard statue || [[Needlekind#Knitting Needles|Knitting Needles]] = [[Needlekind#Needlewands|Needlewands]]
*Knittings && Velvet Pillow || Rose's [[Squiddles|Squiddle]] shirt = [[Rose's outfits#Velvet Squiddleknit Dress|Velvet Squiddleknit Dress]]
*Needlewands && [[Books in Homestuck#Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious|Grimoire]] = [[Needlekind#Thorns of Oglogoth|Thorns of Oglogoth]]

Rose's alchemy montage can be found {{HS|1803|here}}.

===By [[Dave Strider|Dave]]===
[[File:Dave sweet loot.gif|thumb|300px|Dave's gear.]]
*[[Cruxite#Cruxite Crow's Egg|Cruxite Crow's Egg]]
*Mini Air Conditioner
*Sunglasses && iPhone = [[Dave's computers#iShades|iShades]]
*[[Timetables]] && Laptop = [[Dave's computers#Turntop|Turntop]]
*[[Dave's outfits#Puppet Tux|Puppet Tux]] || red Smuppet = [[Dave's outfits#Red Plush Puppet Tux|Red Plush Puppet Tux]]
*Shitty Sword && [[Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff|SBAHJ]] Poster = [[Bladekind#sord.....|sord.....]]
*Snoop Dogg Photo && Mini Air Conditioner || [[Bladekind#Caledscratch|Caledscratch]] = [[Bladekind#Snoop Dogg Snow Cone Machete|Snoop Dogg Snow Cone Machete]]
*Skateboard && SBAHJ Poster = [[Dave's inventory#Unreal Air|Unreal Air]] {{HS|1830|(twice)}}
*Timetables && GameBro = Vintage [[GameBro]]
*Batarang && [[Midnight Crew]] Poster = [[Suitarangs]]
*Red Plush Puppet Tux && [[Midnight Crew]] Poster = [[Dave's outfits#Four Aces Suited|Four Aces Suited]]
*Smuppet && [[The Felt|Felt]] Poster = Jutting Out and Impudent Felt Plush
*Dead Things in Amber && Smuppet = Foam Mutant Smuppet Encased in Amber
*Dead Things in Amber || Smuppet = Amber Mutant Smuppet Abomination
*[[Dave's inventory#Fetus in a Jar|Fetus in a Jar]] && Mr. T Puppet = Foam Fetal Mr. T in a Jar
*Camera && [[Sylladex#Captchalogue Deck|Captchalogue Card]] = [[Dave's inventory#Captcharoid Camera|Captcharoid Camera]]
*[[Dave's inventory#Dave's Brain in a Jar|Dave's Brain in a Jar]] && SBAHJ Poster || Captcharoid Camera = [[Dave's inventory#SBAHJifier|SBAHJifier]]
*[[Rose's journals]]

Dave's alchemy montage can be found {{HS|1821|here}}.

====By [[Alternate Future Dave]]====
*[[Puppet Tux]]
*Sunglasses && iPhone = [[iShades]]
*[[Caledscratch]]

===By [[Jade Harley|Jade]]===
[[File:Jade sweet loot.gif|thumb|300px|Jade's items.]]
*[[Cruxite#Cruxite Dog Piñata|Cruxite Dog Piñata]]
*[[Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff|Kringlefucker]]
*[[Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff|Conksuck Boot]]
*Rose's Headband && Fluffy Ball = Fluffy Ball Plus Headband
*Earmuffs
*Earmuffs && [[Jade's computers#Lunchtop|Lunchtop]] = [[Jade's computers#Lunchmuffs|Lunchmuffs]]
*[[wikipedia:Short Circuit (1986 film)|Johnny 5]] Ghost Image && Lunchtop = [[Jade's computers#Johnnytop|Johnnytop]]
*[[Jade's house#Valiant Knights Room|Iron Man Suit]] && [[Jade's outfits#Wardriobifier|Jade's Outfit]] = [[Jade's outfits#Iron Lass Suit|Iron Lass Suit]]
*Daughter of [[Jade's house#Beauties Room|Eclectica]] && Jade's Outfit = [[Jade's outfits#Dress of Eclectica|Dress of Eclectica]]
*Rose's Crystal Ball && Magic 8 Ball = Transparent Magic 8 Ball
*Rose's Crystal Ball && Jade's Glasses = Sooth Specs
*Sooth Specs && Lunchtop = [[Jade's computers#Junior Compu-Sooth Spectagoggles|Junior Compu-Sooth Spectagoggles]]
*[[Jade's house#Big Game Trophy Room|Wolf Head Trophy]] && Lunchtop || Jade's Shirt = Warm Fuzzy [[Jade's outfits#Squiddlejacket & Squiddlesneaks|Squiddlejacket]]
*Wolf Head Trophy && Lunchtop || Jade's Shoes = [[Jade's outfits#Squiddlejacket & Squiddlesneaks|Squiddlesneaks]]
*[[Midnight Crew]] Poster && [[Riflekind#Hunting Rifle|Hunting Rifle]] = [[Riflekind#Girl's Best Friend|Girl's Best Friend]]
*[[Charles Dutton|Dutton]] Photo && [[Squiddles|Squiddle]] = Duttle
*[[Jade's house#Decrepit Mummies Room|Decrepit Mummy]] && [[Midnight Crew]] Poster || Jade's Outfit = [[Jade's outfits#Dead Shuffle dress|Dead Shuffle dress]]
*[[Green Sun]] Bedsheets && Girl's Best Friend = [[Green Sun Streetsweeper]]
*Dress of Eclectica && The Felt Poster || Transparent Magic 8 Ball = [[Jade's outfits#Three in the Morning dress|Three in the Morning dress]]
*Mecha && Green Sun Streetsweeper || Iron Lass Suit = [[wikipedia:Short Circuit (1986 film)|Johnny 5]]
*Dutton Photo && Sooth Specs = Dutton Bubble Goggles
*[[Riflekind#Ahab's Crosshairs|Ahab's Crosshairs]]
*[[Bladekind#Caledfwlch|Caledfwlch]]

Jade's alchemy montage can be found {{HS|3141|here}}.

===By Trolls===
<small>(Note: none of these combinations are explicitly shown, and some of the items were likely found rather than alchemized.)</small>

*[[Sicklekind#Sickle|Sickle]] and [[The Thresh Prince of Bel-Air|Thresh Prince]] DVD = [[Sicklekind#Homes Smell Ya Later|Homes Smell Ya Later]] ([[Karkat Vantas]])
*Sickle and [[Spades Slick|Jack Noir]]'s [[Bladekind#Regisword|Regisword]] = [[Sicklekind#Regisickle|Regisickle]] (Karkat)
*Crabtop (Karkat)
*[[Sicklekind#Clawsickle|Clawsickle]] (Karkat)
*[[Canekind#Spear Cane|Spear cane]] ([[Terezi Pyrope]])
*[[Canekind|Cane]] and Scalemate = [[Canekind#Dragon Cane|Dragon cane]] (Terezi)
*[[Trollian]] shades (Terezi and [[Equius Zahhak]])
*[[Rocket#Terezi's Rocket Wings|Rocket wings]] (Terezi)
*[[Rocket#Gamzee's Unireal Air|Unireal Air]] ([[Gamzee Makara]])
*[[Rocket#Vriska's Rocket Boots|Rocket Boots]] and Wheelchair = [[Rocket#Tavros' Rocket Car|Rocket Car]] ([[Tavros Nitram]])
*Host Plush and Jousting Lance = [[Lancekind#Fiduspear|Fiduspear]] (Tavros)
*[[Lipstick]] and [[Kanaya Maryam]]'s horn and something else = [[Makeupkind#Demonbane Ragripper|Demonbane Ragripper]] (Kanaya)
*[[Timetables|Music Box Time Machine]] ([[Aradia Megido]])
*[[Clawkind#Action Claws|Action Claws]] ([[Nepeta Leijon]])
*[[2x3dentkind#Brainfork|Brainfork]] ([[Feferi Peixes]])
*Terezi's shades and one of the scarves from the floor of Rose's room = {{HS|6412|red scarf / blindfold}} (Terezi)

===By Salamanders===
*John's bedsheets
*Crumpled Hat
*A bunch of shaving cream
*Some jetpacks

===By Post-Scratch Kids===
*Blue outfit ([[Jane Crocker]])
*[[Spoonkind#Skaia War Fork|Skaia War Fork]] (Jane)
*Mustache headset (Jane)
*Skaia War Fork and [[2x3dentkind#The Condesce's double trident|The Condesce's double trident]] = [[Spoonkind#Red Skaia fork|Red Skaia Fork]] (Jane)
*[[Sucker|Calliope and Caliborn's suckers]] (Jane)
*Purple dress ([[Roxy Lalonde]])
*[[Appearifier#Portable Appearifier|Portable Appearifier]] and a [[Riflekind|rifle]] = [[Riflekind#Crockercorp Appearifier Rifle|Crockercorp Appearifier Rifle]] (Roxy)
*[[Squarewave]] and [[Dirk Strider]]'s shoes = Squarewave shoephones (Dirk)
*[[Rocket#Dirk's Mask|Rocket Mask]] (Dirk)
*Lara Croft outfit ([[Jake English]])
*[[Pistolkind#Golden pistols|Golden pistols]] (Jake)
*Gray tuxedo (Jake)
*{{English}} skull mask (Jake)
*[[Legendary weapons]]
*[[Squarewave|Zillywave]] and [[Sawtooth|Sawhoo]]
*[[Zilly Santa]]s

===By [[Caliborn]]===
*Caltop
*Golden tooth
*[[Riflekind#Gold Rifle|Gold Rifle]]/[[Canekind#Gold Staff|Gold Staff]]

===Displayed by Recipe Modus===
*[[Sylladex#Array|Array Modus]] && Cookbook = [[Sylladex#Recipe|Recipe Modus]]
*Fatherly Gent's Shaving Almanac && Steak = [[Jane Crocker]]'s Hat
*Revolver || Top Hat = [[Jane Crocker]]'s Hat
*Potted Plant && Dream Bubbles by Charles Dutton || [[Matriorb]] = [[Jane Crocker]]'s Hat (absurdly expensive for some reason)
*Poster of Detective Harry Dean Anderson && This Ocean Charles = Wise Guy Book (Private Dicking version)
*[[Maplehoof]] && Wise Guy && [[Lil Hal]] = Pony Pals: Detective Pony (with commentary by [[Dirk Strider]])

==Upgrades==
Combining the [[Jumper Block Extension]] with the Alchemiter allowed for various upgrades to be made. By inserting a punched card into a [[Punch Card Shunt]], and then attaching it to the Jumper Block Extension, that card's corresponding item is incorporated into the Alchemiter.

[[File:Alchemiter shitty upgrades.gif|left|thumb|{{MSPA quote|none|The ALCHEMITER is upgraded with a huge metal bust of this awesome bro, and Dave's blender. The device has been reduced to an utterly useless heap of shit.}}]]
[[File:Alchemiter hologram.gif|thumb|With the holopad and totem lathe additions.]]
Dave was the first to get this upgrade. He first attempted to incorporate a Blender, then a GameBro Magazine to the Alchemiter, but this resulted in an absolutely useless piece of shit, with the blender blending up the Cruxite dowels and the magazine summoning a metal bust of a cool bro. The second time around, Dave attached a Punch Designix card to the Jumper Block Extension, which built a Designix into the side of the Alchemiter. He then added a [[Holopad]] card, which resulted in an unusable machine that could project the resulting item of an inserted card, but not create it. Dave then added a Totem Lathe. This makes the Alchemiter project the carved Cruxite dowel for the inserted card, scan that, and create the item. These upgrades allow Dave to create and combine upgrades without running across his entire fucking [[Dave's house|house]]. A Jumper Block Extension card was also added to the Alchemiter. This didn't really do much except make the existing jumper block extension a bit less bulky and obviate the need for Punch Card Shunts. Dave then also added an '''Enlarger''' (similar to a focusing lens from a microscope), which lets him vary the size of the object produced. Naturally, smaller than normal items cost less [[grist]] and larger ones cost more.

[[File:RoseAlchemiter.gif|thumb|Rose's upgraded Alchemiter]]
Rose is later shown to have the same Alchemiter upgrades as Dave. John used her Alchemiter to create Fear No Anvil.

Although various combinations have been noted, still lacking reference is what would happen if one card was turned upside down while pressed against another captchalogue card, or if both cards were upside down, or even how thick each captchalogue card is, and thus, how many one can combine at one time.
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[[Category:Phernalia Registry]]