Dad is a character in Homestuck. This article deals with two separate characters, pre-scratch and post-scratch Dad, who have been given a joined article due to their extreme likeness. Pre-scratch Dad is, because of weird plot shit, both John Egbert's adoptive father and his genetic half-brother, so he could be called Mr. Egbert. Post-scratch Dad is both Jane Crocker's adoptive father and her genetic grandson, this time he is known as Mr. Crocker. Dad has no facial features other than a nose and sometimes a pipe where his mouth should be. He also wears a hat that looks vaguely familiar. Like all of the guardians, his perceived lack of facial features is based on John/Jane's perception of him and isn't literal.
He uses the Wallet Fetch Modus, where he puts things in his wallet and carries them around.The wallet contains one ton of shaving cream, a pile of pipes, a pile of razorblades, a spare car, an assortment of shoes, hats, and ties, ticket stubs to Cirque Du Soleil, a briefcase full of fatherly documents, a variety of photographs, a laptop computer, ten tons of pipe tobacco, and a lighter. Pre-scratch John and eventually Aradia find the wallet. Post-scratch Jane finds his wallet and starts using it.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Pre-scratch[edit | edit source]
Like Colonel Sassacre, Dad is one of the few people in the entire comic who may have been born biologically. As far as we know he lived an ordinary life until he found John's meteor. The extent of his knowledge is unknown.
On April 13th, 1996, while visiting a joke shop, Dad saw Mom and went outside to greet her, leaving Nanna inside to deal with a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a rather hefty unabridged joke book. As soon as he stepped outside, a Meteor leveled the joke shop, killing Nanna. In the chaos, he lost sight of Mom, finding only her pink scarf and the smell of perfume. Dad adopted the baby who arrived on the meteor as his own son.
Dad has been collecting newspaper articles concerning meteor impacts in the suburbs he and his son live in for years, decades even. Whether it has anything to do with Sburb is yet to be determined at that point in the story. The newspaper articles he clips out were stored in a safe in his Study, which he apparently intended for John to open when he becomes a fully grown man.
Dad was baking a cake in the kitchen when his house entered The Medium and he was kidnapped by Shale Imps. After being imprisoned on Derse, Dad was able to overpower his captors and break free from his cell. After Dad pummeled his way through a handful of imps and agents, Jack Noir elected to deal with the prisoner himself. However, instead of fighting Jack directly, Dad set fire to Jack's comical hat, sprayed it with shaving cream and stomped it into oblivion. Grateful, Jack begrudgingly let Dad go.
Dad then fled to the Land of Wind and Shade, where he fought a large monster. He requested a new hat and shoe through the parcel pyxis, and John, not knowing who requested them, sent new ones. Upon receiving the new hat, Dad stumbled across Grandpa Harley, and followed him into an old ruin, and through a transportalizer that led to the meteor lab, where they would leave Dad's dirty hat and the copy of Colonel Sassacre's.
They left the lab aboard Grandpa Harley's ship, where Dad reunited with Mom and returned her scarf. It is heavily implied that the two have some sort of romantic affection for each other. They were left together on The Battlefield.
Dream John encountered Dad, along with Mom, wandering around the abandoned Battlefield. John attempted to fly over a chasm to meet them but his normal self was awakened by Vriska Serket's pestering, causing his dream self to vanish mid-flight. Seeing that Dad was very disappointed, Mom offered him a swig from her flask. Dad and Mom travel to a castle on the battlefield unseen. Later they are killed by Jack Noir and it is not known if they are on dream bubbles or just "died".
Post-scratch[edit | edit source]
In the post-scratch universe, Dad is Jane Crocker's guardian. From what we've seen so far, Dad appears to be exactly the same after the scratch, even to the point of having the same modus, although he is of course known as Mr. Crocker instead of Mr. Egbert. Jane stated that Dad was a private detective in this universe, which John seemed surprised by, causing him to say they must have had different fathers.This may be due to the fact that Dad was a biological creation, rather than ecto-biological, although his mother must have been different, since Nanna was his mother in the original universe. The post-scratch version of John, Poppop, was his father, although he may have been adopted. His unchanged appearance despite changing parents, and his strong resemblance to Colonel Sassacre might indicate that Dad's origins are going to remain ambiguous. Further adding to the mystery, Dad's "dead" status, symbolized by a red cross, is scrubbed out in . However, this could simply be because of his appearance after the scratch.
After Jane's house arrives in the Land of Crypts and Helium, Dad leaves the house and goes missing, thwarting AR's efforts to keep him inside. To let Jane find him, he leaves behind a trail of every item he has in his wallet, including his car and the wallet itself. He was captured and kept in Derse's prison, where he was kept for up to five months. Caliborn assumed Dad was being tortured, to the point where he assumed Dad died from it. However, he was kept safe and well in the Very Important Prisoners cell by orders of the Draconian Dignitary who admired his "distinction and strong fashion sense". According to DD, he is bald. he is seen looking on at the Trickster shenanigans with "STERN FATHERLY DISAPPROVAL". Some time after that, as Aranea sabotages the B2 session, he is next seen looking at Jane, Jake, Jade, and Aranea with . It is unknown what happened to him in the wake of .
Post-retcon, he is seen looking at Jane, John, Rose, Roxy and Kanaya about to fight The Condesce with . He proceeded to break out of prison the moment Cans and Arquiusprite appear in battle in order to engage in combat, eventually besting Cans in a display of unfathomable strength by punching him into a building, collapsing it. He later sees the kids fly off when Nannasprite offers her hand to him. Nannasprite takes him to John and the others, and upon realizing John is a younger version of Poppop, they share a loving father-son embrace.
Strife[edit | edit source]
Unknowingly, Dad causes Strife with John and uses his Guardian Rubric "CoddleBrand" perfectly. He can also Auto-Pastry with his Artifact of Confection effectively as well. This carries over after the Scratch.
Dad has been shown wielding many objects in Strife; he Gamzee Makara. It was once thought that guardians simply didn't have Sylladices and, thus, Strife Specibi, allowing them to pick up, use, and wield any items they need to. However, this was disproved by his use of the Wallet Fetch Modus.both a cake and a pie in his Strife with John, a broom against the shale imps who were abducting him, and cans of shaving cream and his fists while he was escaping their capture. He may have many Strife Specibi, including pastrykind, broomkind or just jokerkind like
When using his fists, Dad has been shown to possess an alarming degree of physical strength, able to punch a Shale Imp through a thick stone wall and causing rather large-sized chunks of debris from said wall to go flying along with the imp. He has proven successful in dealing with imps so far, comfortably overpowering even the Hegemonic Brute and Cans in physical combat. He is even able to easily lift an extremely heavy safe over his head, and break through prison bars.
Personality[edit | edit source]
Not much is known about Dad's personality, as he has next to no dialogue. He looks like the quintessential single father figure - impeccably dressed, hardworking, endlessly supportive of his child, and incredibly strong. He appears to be quite a giving man, leaving presents and encouragement for John all throughout the house on his birthday, possibly out of concern for his son's self-esteem due to the insults John scribbled on his own wall in his sleep.
Dad seems to have a certain affinity for Harlequins. While it at first appears that where ever you walk in the house (except, seemingly, John's room) you'll find at least one clown, jester, joker, or funny guy, Mr. Egbert's own room is completely void of any harlequins. In fact, his room appears to be one belonging to an ordinary businessman, proving to be the and shaking John to his very foundation. Rose speculates that Dad may in fact have decorated the house with harlequins out of a misunderstanding to try and form a closer bond with his son, who he knew had an interest in practical jokes. This theory is compounded by a similar situation which is mentioned in the B2 universe which occurred when Jane was 13 (but with detectives instead of harlequins), but has since been resolved.
Dad owns multiple hats, including the hat he wears, Pickle Inspector's bowler hat in his study and Ace Dick's in his bedroom. In the B2 universe, instead of Harlequins and detectives, the house is filled with the normal, businessman objects originally isolated to his room that any self-respecting businessman would own such as Pipe statuettes, Lamps modeled after classy gentlemen, and a hallway of photos of "dapper douchebags".
Dad enjoys shaving perhaps a bit too much, keeping a vast quantity of shaving cream. He also enjoys the comedy of mustachioed funnymen such as Jeff Foxworthy, though in the post-scratch universe, his daughter Jane only admires him for his mustache.
Relationships[edit | edit source]
Dad's business friends and contacts were most likely wiped out during Earth's destruction (except for heroic fedorafreak.)
Dad and Rose's Mom are shown to be in love when they meet in the pre-scratch Medium and spend time together on the Battlefield. They are used as an obvious example of Matespriteship, and die together on the Battlefield when killed by Jack.
While Dad most likely means well, John holds some angst toward his father as most teenage boys do. Despite this, John shows genuine concern for his father's safety and has found himself wishing he knew where his Dad was. Jane seems to have a perfectly happy relationship with her father, though she did get grounded by him for sneaking out of the house. However, she does express having had a period of tension similar to what John went through while she was 13, but now she is older and has matured, allowing the current happy relationship with him having resolved much of the tension years earlier.
Few other characters know much about him. Rose sarcastically points out to John he's a much better parent than her mother, while Roxy thinks Dad is quite handsome (reflecting the interest her older self had in him).
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- His text color is the same as fedorafreak's.
- The occurrence of 413 in his screen name, pipefan413, may be a reference to John and Jane's birthdays.
- Dad is depicted, along with Mom, on the "VI: The Lovers" card in the Homestuck Tarot deck.
, in Dad's office, it's revealed that Cirque Du Soleil has a restraining order against him.
- The author commentary for one of the depicting Dad fighting imps on Derse implies this is because he forcibly shaved one of the performers - "Without going into much detail, we MAY be catching a glimpse of the sort of behavior which got Dad banned from the Cirque du Soleil. (He possibly saw a man he deemed too hairy, and couldn't control the trigger finger on his lather blaster... I'VE SAID TOO MUCH ALREADY.)"
- It is not known if both the pre- and post-scratch instances of Dad are indeed identical or are just rendered as such in the comic's art style, but they appear to be similar enough in appearance that John recognizes Jane's dad as his own.
- Why they are so similar in appearance and demeanor (despite having different parents) is never addressed in Homestuck.