- For the pre-scratch version of this character, see Dave Strider.
Dave Strider is both the ancestor of Dirk Strider and his ectobiological offspring with Roxy Lalonde. A man of some “MARTIAL NOBILITY”,
he was both a famous film director and an agitator against alien forces occupying the Earth.
Biography[]
Active during Jane Crocker and Jake English's time in 2011, Dave is best known as the creative mastermind behind the lucrative Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff multimedia franchise. Despite their “surrealist slapstick” content, the SBaHJ films found inexplicable box office success, and Dave continued to push the boundaries of credulity and possibility in both his creative experiences and business exploits:
- ““TT: Through video streaming services he would frequently set it up so that buying a certain title would ship you the wrong film.
TT: And often titles for movies were available for sale that just straight up didn't exist. Or would be sold for dollar amounts that made no sense, like $2.890.1.”” - — Homestuck, p. 4862
Some transactions would even “deposit money into your account instead of deducting from it”, and Dave actively experimented with the corruption of data in similar ways, patenting his own method for creating “THREE DIMENSIONAL JPEG ARTIFACTS” whose manufacturing cost was “actually NEGATIVE”, further contributing to his significant riches. He littered the Earth with artifacted duplicates of the Statue of Liberty, and eventually had to channel his funds toward space missions which would dispose of his hoards of “hideous unwanted jpeg shit” in the nuclear furnace of the sun. For years afterward, however, artifacted artifacts would slowly fall back to Earth, impossible to even burn up in reentry.
“Reports of what happened to [Dave Strider] after that are sketchy.”
Over the course of his career, Dave's films become more and more pieces of veiled protest against the conspiratorial machinations of Crockercorp, and the two companies sparked up a public rivalry. This escalated to the assassination of key creatives involved in Dave's work such as Donald Glover, who was given an academy award for his on-screen portrayal of Geromy. As America was transformed by its first ever Juggalo Dual-Presidency, Ben Stiller, who starred as Sweet Bro, was also “deemed a heretic [...] crucified on the Washington Monument”. Stiller was remembered by his Starsky and Hutch sunglasses, which Dave continued to wear in most of public appearances. These sunglasses formed part of a collection of similarly “"priceless" [...] stupid shit from movies”, including the bunny from Con Air - just one bad movie Dave “weirdly obsessed over” for years - which somehow eventually made its way into the hands of the young Crocker heiress.
When the Dual-Presidents and High Chaplain of Interstellar War Guy Fieri began to enact a “Hilarocaust” on those “not deemed sufficiently "mirthful"”, Dave and acclaimed author Rose Lalonde were finally spurred into action, and in a rooftop confrontation Dave slew both clowns. He disappeared on one of his own shitty skateboards and was never officially sighted again, and though “some believe they regrouped and confronted the Condesce herself”, it's highly doubtful either of them survived.
Gallery[]
.
