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Canon • link=Guy Fieri/Dubiously Canon}}Dubiously Canon

Guy Fieri is a television personality working for Food Network, or rather, he was before he became a member of the U.S. Supreme Court; unfortunately he was soon to be the only member of said court. He was a supporter of the Condesce, and his rise to power began shortly before she revealed herself to humanity.

He helped the Condesce rewrite the constitution to form an incomprehensible patchwork of fascism, theocratic mandates, recipes, and bad rap lyrics, and eventually weaseled his way up the ranks to become the High Chaplain of Interstellar War.

He was also a key architect of the Hilarocaust, a genocidal program devised by the Insane Clown Posse, the Dual-Presidents of the United States, to purge all those deemed insufficiently mirthful. Fieri was the head of the death camps and personally oversaw the deaths of five billion people. Because of this, he came to be regarded as the third and final Antichrist.

He met his end at the hands of Mom, who rode him down the "bloody falls" like the fat barrel he was.

Real Life[]

Guy Fieri is an author and television host, and has (as far as we can tell) no genocidal tendencies. It should be noted that he has a relatively obvious marketing contract with Betty Crocker; some of his own brands cooking tools are sold on the Betty Crocker store, and several of his recipes feature Betty Crocker ingredients. Most years, he has a booth at the Sonoma County Fair (also the Harvest Festival), and can sometimes be spotted walking around the carnival.

Trivia[]

  • In the first Openbound game, Dave unknowingly makes a parallel between Guy Fieri and Crocker. He comments on Meenah being the dancestor to some dead girl he never met, namely Feferi. However, he misinterprets her name as fieri or something.
  • The "bloody falls" in which he was killed is a photoshopped image of Niagara Falls.

Gallery[]

Homestuck Characters
Pre-scratch
Kids
Heir of Breath Seer of Light Knight of Time Witch of Space
John Egbert Rose Lalonde Dave Strider Jade Harley
ectoBiologist [EB]
ghostyTrickster [GT]
tentacleTherapist [TT] turntechGodhead [TG] gardenGnostic [GG]
Post-scratch
Kids
Maid of Life Rogue of Void Prince of Heart Page of Hope
Jane Crocker Roxy Lalonde Dirk Strider Jake English
gutsyGumshoe [GG] tipsyGnostalgic [TG] timaeusTestified [TT] golgothasTerror [GT]
Post-scratch
Trolls
Maid of Time Page of Breath Mage of Doom Knight of Blood
Aradia Megido Tavros Nitram Sollux Captor Karkat Vantas
apocalypseArisen [AA] adiosToreador [AT] twinArmageddons [TA] carcinoGeneticist [CG]
Rogue of Heart Sylph of Space Seer of Mind Thief of Light
Nepeta Leijon Kanaya Maryam Terezi Pyrope Vriska Serket
arsenicCatnip [AC] grimAuxiliatrix [GA] gallowsCalibrator [GC] arachnidsGrip [AG]
Heir of Void Bard of Rage Prince of Hope Witch of Life
Equius Zahhak Gamzee Makara Eridan Ampora Feferi Peixes
centaursTesticle [CT] terminallyCapricious [TC] caligulasAquarium [CA] cuttlefishCuller [CC]
Pre-scratch
Trolls
Witch of Time Rogue of Breath Heir of Doom Seer of Blood
Damara Megido Rufioh Nitram Mituna Captor Kankri Vantas
Mage of Heart Maid of Space Knight of Mind Sylph of Light
Meulin Leijon Porrim Maryam Latula Pyrope Aranea Serket
Page of Void Prince of Rage Bard of Hope Thief of Life
Horuss Zahhak Kurloz Makara Cronus Ampora Meenah Peixes
Cherubs
Muse of Space Lord of Time
Calliope (Alt) Caliborn
uranianUmbra [UU] undyingUmbrage [uu]
Guardians
Dad Roxy Lalonde
(pre-scratch)
Dirk Strider
(pre-scratch)
Becquerel
God Cat Rose Lalonde
(post-scratch)
Dave Strider
(post-scratch)
Brobot
Supporting
Characters
Jane Egbert Jaspers Lil Cal Jake Harley
John Crocker Mutie Lil Hal Jade English
Sprites
Nannasprite Jaspersprite Calsprite
Davesprite
Jadesprite
Tavrisprite
Gcatavrosprite
Fefetasprite
Jasprosesprite^2
Arquiusprite Erisolsprite
Davepetasprite^2
Carapacians /
Exiles
Wayward Vagabond Peregrine Mendicant Aimless Renegade Windswept Questant Writ Keeper
Agents
Jack Noir (B2) (Dead Session) Draconian Dignitary (B2) Hegemonic Brute Courtyard Droll
Midnight Crew
Spades Slick Diamonds Droog Hearts Boxcars Clubs Deuce
The Felt
Lord English Doc Scratch Snowman
Denizens
Typheus Cetus Hephaestus Echidna
Hemera Nix Yaldabaoth Abraxas
Consorts
Salamanders Turtles Crocodiles Iguanas
Underlings
Imps Ogres Basilisks Liches Giclopses
Other Black QueenBlack KingSkaian armiesGenesis FrogLususAncestors (The Condesce)HorrorterrorsBetty CrockerColonel SassacreCaseyGuy FieriInsane Clown PosseMaplehoofRambunctious CrowHalleySerenityMSPA ReaderMs. PaintAndrew HussieSawtoothSquarewaveHis Honorable TyrannyCalliope and Caliborn's parentsAngelsFantrolls