Hearts Boxcars is a member of the nefarious Midnight Crew. Originally an agent of Derse, the Hegemonic Brute, an NPC who appears in every Sburb session, Boxcars took on a new identity after being exiled to Alternia in the post-Scratch Troll's universe.
Concept and creation[]
Etymology[]
To roll boxcars in a dice game is to roll two sixes; because these add up to twelve, this roll is also sometimes called midnight.
Biography[]
The A2 instance of the Hegemonic Brute, along with the other three high-ranking agents of Derse wind up exiled on the barren planet to which the session is linked, during the course of the trolls' adventure. The group manages to build a city from the ground up, transforming themselves into the Midnight Crew. From then on, HB instead stands for Hearts Boxcars.
At an uncertain point following this moment, HB finds a command terminal with which to influence the players during the course of their session. He observes two separate
but similar moments in Tavros Nitram's journey, both times aggressively urging the youngster to "KISS THE GIRL", unsuccessfully.
When their rivals the Felt become an unignorable nuisance to the gang, the Midnight Crew decides to take care of them once and for all and storm their mansion. HB (the designated safe cracker of the team) makes his way directly to their secret vault shortly after midnight. Realizing he won't be able to crack the safe on his own, he radios Clubs Deuce for help. Just then, Biscuits and Eggs appear, much to his frustration. The duo utterly overwhelm him with their reckless time loops. The battle wears on for four hours, Clover showing up to watch after a while. Since CD fails to ever show up, HB finally contacts Spades Slick for assistance, though he and Diamonds Droog are pretty busy themselves.
When backup finally does arrive, it proves to be of little help until Slick arrives with Crowbar's crowbar, destroying Eggs' egg timer and undoing its nasty temporal effects, essentially making the entire battle unhappen. Boxcars finally offs Eggs, causing Biscuits to retreat. Unfortunately, Cans arrives shortly afterward, making short work of Droog and then Boxcars, punching him right out of the calendar and into a horse-themed calendar.
Moments afterward, though, Slick transports himself into a highly unfavorable timeline where almost everyone is dead, including Hearts Boxcars. From here, Slick eventually kills Snowman, destroying the entire universe. HB is left in the horse calendar he was punched into, up to his ass farming all those goddamn horses, with his ultimate fate unclear. Although he is presumed dead, his SPIRITED HORSE calendar is found eventually... albeit, in the afterlife.[image?]
Personality and traits[]
Hearts Boxcars is a tall, brawny-looking member of the Midnight Crew. He is the tallest member, in fact, and like the other members, cast in a permanent type of shadow. As his name implies, he is the Hearts part of the crew's card based theme. He is depicted as the Crew's safecracker, often employing the tried-and-true method of simply ripping the safe's door off its hinges with his bare hands, which he attempts to do when invading the vault owned by the Felt. In Homestuck, he is the Hegemonic Brute from the trolls' Sgrub session. Initially, there were some difficulties becoming him.
Boxcars is a brusque, physical fellow. His language is peppered with threats of bodily harm, and he seems to speak with a coarse accent of some kind. In juxtaposition to this and fitting with his associated suit, however, he has a highly romantic side, and he is easily enraged by Tavros' dawdling in matters of the heart when he refuses Boxcars' command to "KISS THAT GIRL THIS INSTANT". The other thing that really sets Boxcars off is time travel, such as the type exploited to annoying effect by Eggs and Biscuits.
Skills and abilities[]
Hearts Boxcars is an impressive physical specimen, with a mouth big enough to consume large objects in a single bite. In matters of luck, he ALWAYS ROLLS BOXCARS.
Weapons and paraphernalia[]
Boxcars' deck of cards inventory doubles as a WRATHTUB in which he keeps a haphazard assortment of loose items. Many of these are heavy, highly destructive polearms such as axes and maces; his primary weapon of choice, however, is the much more lightweight TV ANTENNA. His radio is kept in the 10 and 4 of hearts, and as candy he carries a pair of WAX LIPS in his backup hat.
Merchandise[]
Hearts Boxcars is depicted on the "Knight of Cups" card in the Homestuck tarot deck; the cups suit is considered equivalent to the hearts in a modern deck of cards, and the knights of cups in particular is considered to be a highly emotionally attuned figure.[1] He can also be seen with the rest of the Midnight Crew on the "King of Wands" card.
Trivia[]
- Hearts Boxcars' charge, Tavros Nitram, uses a lance - the same weapon Snowman uses. Inversely, Snowman's charge Vriska Serket uses dicekind.
References[]
- ↑ Tina Gong. "The truth is that the Knight of Cups is the most feminine amongst all the Knight cards in the tarot. [...] It implies that he is in proper touch with his emotions and his intuition, and that he uses them for his own well-being and during his many romance and seduction quests. [...] When faced with an actual decision, the Knight of Cups is going to listen to his heart, regardless of whether this is actually a logical choice or not." Knight of Cups Meaning - Tarot Card Meanings -- Labyrinthos.
| Problem Sleuth Characters |
|---|
| Team Sleuth |
| Problem Sleuth - Ace Dick - Pickle Inspector |
| Hysterical Dame - Nervous Broad |
| Four kingdoms |
| Elves - Hogs - Weasels - Clowns |
| The Four Heroes |
| Villains |
| Mobster Kingpin - Madame Murel - Demonhead Mobster Kingpin |
| Deities |
| Death - Godhead Pickle Inspector - Demimonde Goddess - The Devil |
| Allies |
| The Whale - Candy Mecha - Hearst - Hired Muscle - Honeybee Professor |
| Minions |
| Beasts - Whores - Thugs - Worker Bees - Courtesan Angels |
| Non-Canon |
| Midnight Crew (Spades Slick - Diamonds Droog - Hearts Boxcars - Clubs Deuce) |
| Laborer Wasps - Professor Wasp - Zombie Astronaut - Little White Cat - Fuzzy Man Bear and Sarah |
| PS HD - AD FAD ZAD - PI NB PPI FPI PFPI FFPI - MK DMK BHMK MM |
