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The Hysterical Dame is the Female Alter Ego of Problem Sleuth. She is first seen when Problem Sleuth looks inside a window when he is out in the imaginary universe.

She really could use a strapping young fella to help her out.

Traits and Abilities[]

Hysterical Dame has a rarely used Hysteria meter, which, when maxed out, causes her to flail wildly with whatever weapon she is using. In the latter parts of the game, she appears to have gotten over her Hysteria and tends to confront trouble head-on, dealing a death blow to Mobster Kingpin and dealing severe damage to Madame Murel. While she is a controllable character, she does seem to behave more like an assist character where there is limited access to knowledge of her functions and abilities. It is unknown as to what techniques she has available or as to what she can do at a given time, however, she does have access to a Comb Rave, and she must have a very high Vim stat on account of being able to carry the Gun, the Tommy Gun, and the Machine Gun all at the same time. She also seems to be able to avert death, as instead of losing her life, as other characters would, she merely is knocked unconscious. She will reawaken when Problem Sleuth takes damage due to her having a type of communion with Problem Sleuth. Her Pulchritude must be also high as she is able to command untrustworthy and unscrupulous whores to fight with her against Dark Matter Mobster Kingpin. She is often seen wearing the Scale Bodice, which allows her to change her scale, letting her become larger or smaller at will. She and Nervous Broad are happily married as of Homestuck^2.


Hysterical Dame is rather defensive toward Nervous Broad, is easily angered when Nervous Broad is under attack and uses her raging Hysteria to complement her murderous streak. When Problem Sleuth was on the verge of death after using the self-destructive ultimate attack Sepulchritude, Hysterical Dame kissed him on the cheek and gave him the will to live, and then promptly slapped him in the face when he was reasserting himself that he was still alive.

In Homestuck^2 (Dubiously Canon)[]

She and Nervous Broad appear on their honeymoon.


Problem Sleuth Characters
Team Sleuth
Problem Sleuth - Ace Dick - Pickle Inspector
Hysterical Dame - Nervous Broad
Four kingdoms
Elves - Hogs - Weasels - Clowns
The Four Heroes
Mobster Kingpin - Madame Murel - Demonhead Mobster Kingpin
Death - Godhead Pickle Inspector - Demimonde Goddess - The Devil
The Whale - Candy Mecha - Hearst - Hired Muscle - Honeybee Professor
Beasts - Whores - Thugs - Worker Bees - Courtesan Angels
Midnight Crew (Spades Slick - Diamonds Droog - Hearts Boxcars - Clubs Deuce)
Laborer Wasps - Professor Wasp - Zombie Astronaut - Little White Cat - Fuzzy Man Bear and Sarah