- From the reader's point of view, Jake's story in The Homestuck Epilogues picks up where his Canon biography left off.
Jake is one of the characters in The Homestuck Epilogues. In both the Meat and Candy timelines, he is a famous, wealthy man known for his charisma and silly debauchery; qualities that develop in different ways between timelines. He is quite gullible and extremely susceptible to narrative manipulation.
John, using his retcon powers to zap from the epilogues back into the story proper, recruits god tier Jake from some unknown point in canon for the mission to fight Lord English. He then brings Jake, along with the other teen beta and alpha kids, to his own backyard on April 6th, 2009. As John gets lost in nostalgia, the beta kids ask John what happens to everyone in the retconned timelines. John struggles to answer, but gives a lukewarm speech about sacrifice. The group then begins a messy planning session for the coming battle. Jake, who had been riding on the Green Slime Ghost Pogo, falls off. Dirk goes over to help him, followed soon after by Jade. John walks away for a while as everyone reunites. When he returns, Jade is laughing with her teen parents near the Green Slime Ghost pogo, and John decides it's time for the group to head out. Everyone gets up, holds hands in a circle, and zaps away.
They find themselves in a strange place which is “dark as fuck.” Jade quickly sniffs out Caliborn, who has an intense staredown with John, brags about his “MASTERPIECE”, and laughs at them all as the fight begins. Not many details are given of the ensuing battle, but the narration the kids put up more of a fight against the cherub than the initial claymation implied. Caliborn eventually feels overwhelmed and unleashes the Juju on the four beta kids, much to their shock. They all get sucked into it almost instantaneously, and Caliborn laughs at them as he returns the Juju to the chest and closes it. The four alpha kids are left to fight Caliborn presumably as was shown in A6A6A5, that the Juju chest apparently remains on the scene at least through the appearing. The details of this fight are also left vague, aside from John perceiving the Hope bubble that .
Earth C adult
Jake has become a well-known and highly objectified figure on Earth C, as billboards and other media frequently highlight “JAKE’S ASS”. Karkat and Dave are watching TV as Jake and Dirk are featuring on their live robo-wrestling/rap-battle show, RUMBLE IN DA PUMPKIN PATCH, as named by Jake, when Dirk calls Dave in the middle of the broadcast. We take a look inside the stands of the 3 hour long broadcast as Dirk takes the call and the crowd becomes increasingly impatient and agitated throughout the whole scene. Jake seems concerned with the crowd's irritation at Dirk holding up the show, but Dirk dismisses Jake, telling him to "“Do a dance or something. Sing a song.”" In the meantime, seemingly without Jake overhearing, Dirk tells Dave that the true purpose of the exercise is to paint Jake as a hero and spread his public appeal, as well as "“to maximize his political capital.”" Dirk reveals that he and Jane have been collaborating on her bid for the presidency of Earth C for a while. Jake continues to distract the crowd and the camera until Dirk finally hangs up on Dave and finally gets up off the floor of the Cantown Memorial Arena. He apologizes to Jake for the holdup and suggests they start the next round with his "“latest rhymes”," much to Jake's delight. He jumps at the opportunity and launches into the rap, calming the agitated crowd once more. However, after only a few verses Dirk cuts him off as he receives another phone call, and tranquilizes Jake with a shot to the neck. The crowd immediately turns back against Dirk as he answer Rose's call. Dirk leaves the stage before things get too out of control, and Jake is taken away from the ruckus through the roof by one of Dirk's robots.
Within the next few days, Jake wakes up to another riot in the stadium. Dirk had “with no ulterior motive!” Jake laments how often he has been commercialized lately, and Jane sympathizes. She says she wants to give him the “very best” and invites him to visit her that evening. Jake seems excited for the plans, and hangs up.tranquilized him to end the match, and has apparently been all week. Jane expresses concern for Jake as he is audibly and physically subjected to the chaos in the stadium, but he dismisses her worries and says how much he enjoys working with Dirk. He yells over the phone his appreciation for Jane calling him
Jake accepts the offer reconnecting with a childhood friend over an intimate dinner. However, Jane's seduction attempt fails when he cannot stop thinking about his fling with Dirk (whether this is his genuine feelings, or thoughts implanted unto him by Dirk is unknown). He departs hastily by flipping out of a window. This causes Jane to flagrantly ostracize and ridicule Jake's frequent sexual activity.
When Dirk's narrative influence is overwritten by Alternate Calliope, he is free to express his own interests, especially in politics. Karkat and Dave manage to successfully convince him to provide an endorsement for the Trollian candidate.
Eventually, the positioning of Jake's endorsement speech in the Carapace Kingdom allows Dirk to utilize him as a fakeout and take over the narration once more. Through vigorous manipulation, Dirk brainwashes Jake to confess publicly, therein perverting Jake's interests to fixate solely on Dirk's influence— including changing his endorsement from Karkat to Jane.
The speech after that is a shitshow, where Jake allegedly actually shat himself from fear of Dave's reality-warping powers during a tussle that attempted to censor the rally. this assault, coupled with the disordered gathering illustrated by Dirk, caused Karkat's popularity to plummet dramatically.
Dirk is quickly leaving to seek a suitable planet for the next session of Sburb, meaning he will need a ship on-demand. He sees Jake, owner of Skaianet which happens to dabble in aeronautical manufacturing. Although the crafts have been of more military means with Jane's election, Jake is overjoyed with the opportunity to participate in Dirk's life once more, yet he is gravely disappointed upon figuring out Dirk came simply for the ship. In fact, despite their passionate kiss, Jake breaks down into sobs when the realization that Dirk plans not to return sets in.He is last mentioned by Roxy, who inquired on Dirk's location based on their mutual connection. Jake, through poorly stifled crying, admits he knew Dirk disappeared, but he laments that he does not know where to; while technically true, he does not reveal that he provided Dirk with the means of leaving in the first place. Finally, it is implied that Kanaya or someone else in the group contact Jake once more to also receive an aeronautical favor in hopes of pursuing Dirk, which he is implied to have come through with considering the events of Homestuck^2: Beyond Canon.
Jake, exactly like in Meat, is very successful. He is widely known among his friends for said success, going as far as Karkat and Dave commenting on a nearby billboard about him. Jake's ass is also commented on several times. He is said to have many different shows dedicated to him including: “Poppin n’ Hoppin’ Pistol Lockin’ With Jake English”, “Doing the Charleston with Notable Social Figureheads: Stars Versus Enemies of the State with your Host Jake English”, “Afternoon Gilly Gaffy Amongst the Common Folk with your Host J. Gishy Gun Mcgee”, and “Rumble in da Pumpkin Patch”. He is also said to know lots of wealthy people through his shows. Jake is first seen once Jane goes to see him inside his mansion. She is startled by his indoor shooting practice endeavors and comments on his drunk state. Jake is seen to be happy by her arrival and sits down to talk with her about Dirk and her presidency. He responds to her topics in an almost bitter manner (mostly regarding Dirk and how they haven't spoken in a while). They end up drinking heavily which leads to him sleeping with her. He tells her the following morning that the night was a mistake before Jane is hurt that he didn't feel anything. He takes his words back as to not hurt her feelings and blindly says that he “must have felt something for her if his passions led him to where they were.” They proceed to kiss, Jake thinking he didn't technically deny her this time. Jake and Jane fend off many reporters at the scene of Dirk's suicide and funeral. Jake is mentioned by Dave that Dirk would never want to hurt him, Roxy or Jane. Jake is said to be weeping openly at the funeral. After Gamzee's disrespectful speech, Roxy urges Jake to go up and say a few words, to which he reluctantly agrees to (it is unsure of whether he actually says anything though on account of being cut off by John). Jane and Jake get together but the relationship isn't very steady. (Jade comments on how John “accused her of “raping” jake” and his horrible situation through “what am i supposed to do? show up at his window dressed like the blue fairy and whisk him away from his terrible life??” On account of his relationship). Gamzee is also said to be a "side thing" for Jane. Jake is very submissive to the entirety of the relationship even as the two have their own kid. Jake later talks to Jade about this relationship and Jade's own, glad to be in the company of a close friend before promising to talk again. Jake tends to Tavros Crocker as a Jade from an alternate reality falls down to Earth and Jane tries to heal her. After some political fighting, Jake enters the room to be told that there will be a funeral and he will be the third in charge of it. When the funeral comes, Jake helps Roxy, glad to be away from Jane. He also assists Roxy as her water breaks from her pregnancy. He is also the first to question Calliope-Jade as she "rises from the dead". Jane once again diminishes Jake's worth as a husband as many of the characters come to her house for Harry Anderson Egbert and his birthday party. While John is trying to free Tavros, he comments on how “Jake is the only one in that relationship to actually love the kid and by taking away what he loves most, he'll be helping him.” When John gets found out by Jane, he says that every problem started with her including their relationship. Jake tries to discredit this but is drowned out. Jake is also not fond of the relationship between Gamzee and Jane which he sees take place as he goes to tell Jane her father died. After Gamzee pushes Jane over the line with his attitude of her father passing, he is sent off the ship to the relief of Jake. Jake then leaves Jane, realizing her actions have gone too far. He visits John with Tavros. Jake then reflects on himself asking is he is a bad person. John says that he “doesn't blame Jake for anything and that he's doing the best that he can.” Jake still is skeptical and feels like he needs to be blamed. He says he feels like “nothing has ever felt like it was within his control and sometimes wishes others would make the tough choices for him.” John comforts him and instantly sways Jake back to happiness, much John's surprise. Jake's hope powers make him pulse a subtle light and music starts to play from somewhere. The two dance and Jake, in turn, cheers up John with his overly optimistic energy. Jake even considers changing his and Tavros's name to English because it was changed when Jake married Jane. He then asks John if he can move in with him, and John says “why the hell not.” After being knocked out of the hope spell, Jake suggests that John should make amends with Roxy as part of their duel self-betterment journey. John ponders this and reluctantly agrees. Jake organizes this meeting between the two. Jake and Jane's relationship comes up in conversation between them a few times. Jake is last mentioned when Dave stumbles on the White House and sees the God Tier outfit of hope that belongs to Obama. He relates this to Jake.
Jake English has not yet made an appearance in the Meat universe of Homestuck^2: Beyond Canon.
In other media
Jake is talking to Dirk on his skulltop computer as he explores the jungle. Dirk is initially confused when Jake comments that he "revealed [his] hilarious boner", but the Auto-Responder quickly clarifies that he is using old slang for "an embarrassing screw-up". Dirk begins to explain its modern meaning, as Jake doesn't seem familiar with it, but as soon as Jake decides that Dirk is actually trying to prank him, Dirk simply drops it and goes along with Jake's misconception.
|The Homestuck Epilogues|
|Homestuck Characters||John Egbert • Rose Lalonde • Dave Strider • Jade Harley • Jane Crocker • Roxy Lalonde • Dirk Strider • Jake English • Aradia Megido • Tavros Nitram • Sollux Captor • Karkat Vantas • Kanaya Maryam • Terezi Pyrope • Vriska Serket • Gamzee Makara • Eridan Ampora • Feferi Peixes • Aranea Serket • Meenah Peixes • Davepetasprite^2 • Calliope • Alt Calliope • Caliborn • Lord English|
|Original Characters||Harry Anderson Egbert • Vriska Maryam-Lalonde • Tavros Crocker Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley • Swifer Eggmop • Cliper Borden • Barack Obama|
|Concepts||Canon • Ultimate Self • Troll • Cherub • Earth C|
|Related works||Homestuck • Hiveswap • Hiveswap Friendship Simulator • Pesterquest|