This is a list of John Egbert's possessions, excluding his outfits, computers, and weapons.
Accursed mascot[]
The Accursed Mascot.
The accursed mascot is a doll resembling Jack Noir in harlequin garb, created in the dream John's bedroom by Gamzee Makara via chucklevoodoos in the same manner as Lil Cal. The doll represents John's fears and anxieties,[citation needed] particularly his “troubled dreams” about clowns, and its creation led to the cancerous Universe B becoming “terminal” by indirectly inspiring Jack's uprising against his Black Queen after having been forced to dress as a harlequin.
When Jack cuts the chain binding Prospit and its moon, the mascot falls with the sleeping John and ends up among the dead Armies of Light and Darkness who had defected to the Wayward Vagabond's revolt. Upon finding it, WV immediately destroys it out of disgust for its semblance to the tyrannical Jack.
Bowler hat[]
My my. What a distinguished hat.
John finds and uses the bowler hat in Dad's study in an effort to make his Clever Disguise more distinguished and, in turn, more convincing. It appears quite similar to one worn by Pickle Inspector.
The gambit ultimately failed; Dad saw right through John's newly upgraded disguise. Just after the following Strife, the hat played a minor role in absorbing the blow from Dad's thrown pie with its handy built in function, the Beagle Aegis.
After John captchalogued the Red Package and his Sburb disc, the Bowler Hat, along with the rest of the disguise, was forced out of the Sylladex.
Later, the hat was stolen by Shale Imps when John entered the Medium.
Cosby poster[]
The Cosby Poster on the wall.
The clean Cosby poster was originally displayed in John's bedroom, along with many other movie posters. Later, after entering the Medium, John notices that his posters have now been defaced with harlequin doodles and assumes it to be the handiwork of the Imps. Rose Lalonde later sends him screenshots of his room showing that they've been there the whole time.
Defaced Cosby Poster
John later recreates the clean Cosby poster by subtracting the code of a Joker figurine, and hence the doodles, from a defaced Cosby poster. He soon combines the clean poster with his computer to create the Cosbytop computer .
The poster depicts the movie Ghost Dad starring America's funnyman Bill Cosby.
Clever disguise[]
John's clever disguise.
Jane's clever disguise.
The clever disguise was worn by John in an effort to avoid detection by Dad. It was originally composed of the Magician's Hat and the Beagle Puss. John changes the disguise twice before encountering his father. He initially adds a pipe from the living room and, upon entering Dad's study, adds the Bowler Hat. This final upgrade makes the disguise “somewhat less funny, but A LOT more distinguished looking”.
Despite the rather distinguished upgrades, Dad still manages to see directly through the disguise.
The clever disguise has a built-in defense, called the Beagle Aegis. This appears to diminish loss from the Prankster's Gambit when John was hit by Dad's pie; however, judging by John's heavy loss of Gambit, it was not very effective.
At some point in his time travels, Dave Strider wore the Clever Disguise.
The clever disguise's role ends after being forced out of the Sylladex and presumably picked up by Dad or Shale Imps after John enters the Medium.
Later, Jane Crocker is seen with a similar disguise, also wanting to sneak out and get mail without Dad noticing her.
Fruit Gushers[]
“Could this birthday get any better? You don't think so.”
Fruit Gushers are hexagonal-shaped candies. They are first referenced as bearing a resemblance to build grist. Later, John receives a box of Gushers as a birthday present from Dad, and has a fondness for the sugary snack until having a mild mental breakdown upon realizing that the manufacturer of Fruit Gushers is the "heinous batterwitch" Betty Crocker. Much later, Jane has a similar breakdown, but for the reverse reasoning: she loves Crockercorp but despises gushers. She vowed to have a global recall of them, and on the same page insinuated that they may be made from wiggler slime.
In the Homestuck universe, it appears Gushers come in flavors that sound destructive, or at least unpleasant, such as:
- Wild Cherry Apeshit Apocalypse
- Ranch Dressing Rampage
- Cool Fructose Monsoon
- Kiwi Mango Colonic Rush
- Mixed Berry Social Anxiety Disorder
- Wicked Watermelon Groin Injury
- Jammin Sour Diabetic Coma
- Sour Grape Electric Holocaust
- Neon Green Ecto-Facial Blast
- Massive Tropical Brain Hemorrhage (pictured)
It is possible that some of these are made up by John during his mental breakdown.
Betty Crocker Barbasol Bomb[]
Handle with care.
The Betty Crocker Barbasol Bomb appears to be a black and white-striped Gusher with both Betty Crocker and Barbasol logos. John creates it by combining a box of Fruit Gushers he found in his dad's room with a can of shaving cream. The resulting bizarre Gusher costs 1 unit of shale and 1 unit of build grist. Evidently, its contents and apparently fragile nature necessitate a "Handle with Care" mantra. It is a combat item that causes a destructive explosion of foam/Gusher filling.
In the Act 4 opening flash, the Betty Crocker Barbasol Bomb will go off in a blast of shaving cream if it is expelled from the Sylladex. However, it does absolutely nothing to the Imps. John later tries to use the bomb to put out the fires ravaging a Salamander village. However, this only makes the fire worse.
Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers[]
“These should be convenient, if somewhat unappetizing.”
John creates the Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers by combining Fruit Gushers with some of the blue ecto slime Nannasprite leaves on his bedroom wall. The item costs 24 units of build grist, 30 shale, and 18 mercury. These Gushers evidently have ghostly healing properties, as evidenced in Act 4's opening scene when John uses them at low health.
Bodacious Black Liquid Sorrow Gushers[]
“Another Crocker nightmare rears its ugly head.”
Rose creates the Bodacious Black Liquid Sorrow Gushers by alchemizing the Ink of Squid Pro Quo with John's Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers. They cost a mere 1000 tar. Along with giving the box a dark makeover, the ink reverses the healing properties of the Gushers, making them “pure poison”.
Green Slime Ghost Pogo[]
The punched Green Slime Ghost Pogo card.
The Green Slime Ghost Pogo is a spring-based recreational ride found in John's backyard.
John initially seems to possess a hatred of the contraption. However, he is later revealed to be extremely possessive of it, expressing fury at an imp daring to ride it. From John's justification of his rage, it seems that he considers the pogo more as an honorable opponent than a hated enemy. It is torn from the ground by Rose while she attempts to retrieve some grist perched upon it to bring to John's bathroom. John soon makes use of it as a noble steed while battling against the horde of Shale Imps in his living room.
The Captchalogue Card it was stored in was made into a punched card using the Punch Designix, which caused the pogo to no longer be retrievable from the card. However, a duplicate is later created using the Alchemiter. John was later seen using the ride to pass the time while waiting for his friends on the Land of Mounds and Xenon.
The pogo is eventually instrumental in creating the mighty Pogo Hammer.
Modus Control Deck[]
The Modus Control Deck was one of John's birthday presents. He found it in Dad's room; presumably his father was going to give it to him, but his capture interfered.
It combines Fetch Modi, allowing the user to have multiple Modi active at once. It has been shown to combine a Queue and a Stack to create a Queuestack Modus, with both the first and last cards being simultaneously accessible, as well as an Array and a Queue and a Stack to create an Array of Queuestacks. It has six slots, potentially allowing for much more complex Modus combinations.
It is possible that the order in which the cards are inserted alters the resulting hybrid Modus. For example, were the Array cartridge inserted before the others, John may have ended up with a Queuestack of Arrays, or something to that effect. Also of note is the fact that combining the Queue and Stack Modi caused John's Captchalogue Cards themselves to change in coloration and usage, while adding the Array card to the previous two only altered the Cards' organization within his Deck, except for the first card in each queuestack, which turned blue. This may be due to the obvious compatibility of the Queue and Stack Modi, which implies that the Modus Control Deck acts on Modi in predetermined ways and may create unexpected combinations when dealing with a Modus with which it is unfamiliar, though this is subject to question, considering the Array Fetch Modus actually came with the Modus Control Deck.
Nails[]
The Nails are small, sharp objects that can be used in conjunction with the Hammer for various effects. When John tries to pick them up, he accidentally knocks his Fake Arms out of his Sylladex. To make more room in his Captchalogue Deck, he combines the Nails with the Hammer. He then immediately uses them to hang the Rolled-Up Poster on the wall next to his Problem Sleuth poster.
Nanna's note[]
P.S. Hoo Hoo Hoo!
Inside an old heirloom copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text, John finds a note left by his Nanna. In it, she predicts her own death and details the adventures that are yet to befall John. She seems to know a good deal about the Incipisphere and Sburb as a whole.
In actuality, the book was not an heirloom, but John's copy of the text flung into the past by Nannasprite. During the end of Act 3, while John fights through hordes of imps and ogres to reach the first gate, Nannaquin can be seen etching the note into John's (then new) copy of the text and throwing it into the Land of Wind and Shade below. From there it was retrieved by Jade's grandfather, who brought it to the ectobiology lab, where it was later sent back to Earth via meteoric delivery along with baby John. This meteor ended up striking Nanna's joke shop, obliterating it and killing her. Dad then hid it in a safe, which 13 years later was torn apart by John, after which he finally read the note.
This exact same copy, note included, survived the scratch, due to Skaia resetting the paradox clones' portals to send them into the post-scratch universe, to be read again by Jane. Calliope suggests to Jane that she was the one to write the note, hiding information about the scratch, but Jane is skeptical.
Complete Text[]
- “Dear John,
You are no doubt reading this as a handsome and strapping young man! Why, the “mangrit” needed to lift the book is itself a sign of your maturity, not even to speak of the wisdom needed to grasp the nuance of “Sassacre's” time-tested mischief. I am so proud of you, grandson!
How I wish I could have delivered this heirloom to you in the flesh. But I am afraid it wasn't in the cards! For you see, John, like you, this book must yet take a journey! Its journey will end on the Final Day of my life, and even then will continue some. Though I suppose that will be up to your Father. Perhaps he will discuss it with you one day, when he and you are ready.
But it is your journey I am writing about to wish you luck! There will come a day when you will be thrust into another world. And once you arrive, that is only the beginning! You will soon delve even deeper into a realm of “Warring” “Royalty” in a “Timeless Expanse”. A realm of “Agents” and “Exiles” and “Consorts” and “Kernelsprites”. Of toiling “Underlings” and slumbering “Denizens”. A realm where four will gather, the “Heir of Breath” and “Seer of Light”, the “Knight of Time” and “Witch of Space”, and together they will “Ascend”.
John, if only you knew how important you were! I regret my passing came so early in your life. And yet I feel in my heart we have already met. But what I know for sure is that we will meet again!
Until then, John, I do hope your “Father” keeps you well fed!
With Love, Nanna ♥
P.S. Hoo Hoo Hoo!”
Remote Ghost Gauntlets[]
The Remote Ghost Gauntlets are a pair of gloves that augment John's ability to carry objects. Each Gauntlet is itself a set of two gloves, a gray computer-glove that John wears, and a blue and slimy replica that mimics the movements of the gray glove. Not only does this enable John to grab objects out of arm's reach, but they act with proportionally increased strength, as the blue glove is able to wield the Telescopic Sassacrusher. The right-handed Gauntlet is created by combining one of the Fake Arms, the blue slime on his wall, and the PDA. The left-handed one is created by combining the right-handed Gauntlet with the bathroom mirror. Each comes at an expense of 32 build grist and 128 tar.
Rolled-Up Poster[]
The Rolled-Up Poster was on John's dresser in his bedroom before he decided to hang it up on the wall. It evidently came from Dad as a gift for his thirteenth birthday. The poster was the third item to appear in John's Captchalogue Deck and led to the Fake Arms being dropped when John decided he would need a Hammer and the Nails to hang the poster on the wall next to his Problem Sleuth one.
Once John combined his Hammer and Nails onto one Captchalogue card, he was able to use them on the poster to hang it on the wall. Doing this revealed it to be a Little Monsters poster, which John adored.
Sacred Urn[]
A Sacred Urn containing the ashes of Nanna sits on the mantle of the fireplace in John's living room. John successfully topples the urn over and spills some onto the floor. He tries to captchalogue the ash back into the urn, but he does a really lousy job.
Later, the urn is knocked down again by the impact of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text, spilling the ash and accidentally completing John's sprite's tier two prototyping, creating Nannasprite.
Telescope[]
John has a telescope on his balcony. He used this telescope to look at the meteor which was heading towards his house due to Sburb. Later, he alchemized the telescope with his Sledgehammer and his copy of Colonel Sassacre's to create the Telescopic Sassacrusher.