In Pesterquest[edit | edit source]
John Egbert first appears in Volume 1: 'Magic is Fucking Real'. In this route, the MSPA Reader attempts to befriend John, to varying degrees of success. In the route, the MSPA Reader meets John at the beginning of Homestuck and prevents him from receiving his copy of SBURB, creating a new timeline where none of the events of Homestuck ever occurred, and wherein the rest of Pesterquest takes place. In the bad ending, John discovers the existence of the Meat Epilogue and becomes overwhelmed with the prospect of his future (most of which he completely misunderstands), while in the good ending, he befriends MSPA Reader and they build a Fort together on his bed.
John is later seen in Volume 4, surprised when the reader teleports unexpectedly into his room. As it turns out, MSPA Reader has planned a sleepover with the beta kids, and brings John to get Rose and Dave. John actually compliments Rose's drawings, to which Rose becomes flustered about. Soon, John and his friends are all gathered in Jade's garden to commence their sleepover. He is last seen getting his nails done by Rose, oddly enough. It is assumed after this point that he and his friends are more close thanks to teleportation powers from both the reader and Becquerel allowing them to see each other in person.
In Volume 5, he is seen alongside Dave when the reader and Karkat teleport over to Dave's house after a recent drone inspection. The reader is initially confused that he is over at Dave's house and not back at their respective homes, though Dave states that Bec sent the two over after the recent sleepover, and that John will return to his home shortly. He, along with Dave, notice the curled-up and confused troll lying on the floor, and after a bit of debate on whether aliens are real or not, they see that Karkat has escaped onto the roof. Karkat, Dave, and the reader talk on said roof while John waits in the living room, and eventually he is rejoined with the group as they bond with the classic case of gaming.
- From the reader's point of view, John's story in The Homestuck Epilogues picks up from where his Canon biography ended.
John is one of the main characters in The Homestuck Epilogues. After arriving on Earth C, John began having prophetic dreams about Lord English's destruction of the Furthest Ring and the ghost army being sucked into the Green Sun's black hole. He seeks Rose's advice, and she tells him of her god tier powers expanding in scope and a new understanding of what is canon, albeit he does not entirely absorb the knowledge. Then, as to ensure the canoncity of this timeline, Rose advises him to travel back and defeat Lord English once and for all.
As he departs from the apartment, Roxy and Calliope invite John for a picnic in the Carapace Kingdom where they reside. They are evidently hesitant about John's mission from Rose, avoiding the topic with pleasantries regarding Rose's health, their individual social lives, and Roxy's relationship with Calliope, yet John feels only more awkward about the situation. John is surprised to learn from Calliope that he actually has a choice in the matter, rather than being necessarily forced to go face English. Upon the offer of meat or candy, his choice influences whether he does or does not fight Lord English, inevitably causing the timeline split.
John chooses to eat the nearly-raw, alien meats, and sloppily at that. As John looks at the blood on his hands from the meal, he is reminded how much contempt he has for Lord English and his many crimes, resolving to go back into canon and fight him. Roxy looks disappointed, but they and Calliope pack up and leave before John can properly say goodbye. He returns to the salamander village, writes a note to Roxy and then the rest of his 10 closest friends, and zaps back into canon.
Recruitment[edit | edit source]
His first stop is the Prospitian battleship, just after Ring of Life from her. John proceeds to push Gamzee back into the fridge, and zaps to the next event.. Aranea barely has time to be shocked before John knocks her out and takes the
John arrives on LOHAC to , rudely interrupting Dave's argument with grimbark Jade for the third time. The other two Johns are disrupted by adult John's presence, and so remain there instead of . After Dave notices the three of them and the takes place, John sends the two past Johns away from the situation, to do.. whatever they're doing next. After the three of them talk through the confusing scenario, John recruits the two teens to fight Lord English with him, since Dave has just made his legendary sword. Jade protests, but he zaps her away first, to negate her brainwashing. Dave and John follow soon after, after John debriefs him further on the situation and gives a parting smile to WV.
We next see John where he has gathered the seven other teen god tier humans - outside in his backyard on April 6th, 2009. The contrast between the overly-idealized environment of Earth C and his own childhood home hits John with a heavy wave of nostalgia, until the beta kids interrupt with questions about what happened to those left behind in the retcon timelines. John says he isn't sure, and makes a floundering speech about sacrifice to hype them up for the battle. The eight of them launch into a haphazard planning session for a while, and then John leaves them to spend some quality time to catch up with / meet each other. He is jarred by seeing his father in the house, but can't bring himself to talk to him. John returns to the other kids as he has a moral crisis about whether he sees them as real people. Regardless, he decides it's time to head out, and they all zap off to face Caliborn.
Caliborn[edit | edit source]
They arrive in a single grey spotlight. After Jade finds him, Caliborn looks surprised to see John and the others, but then he starts laughing. He begins to recount the "“MASTERPIECE”" he made, apparently years ago. His jaw unhinges, his voice distorts, and the fight begins. Not many details are given of the ensuing battle, but the narration the kids put up more of a fight against the cherub than the initial claymation implied. Caliborn eventually feels overwhelmed and unleashes the Juju on the four beta kids, much to their shock. John tries to fight its pull, but the Juju renders null the same powers it gave John to begin with, overwriting them. They all get sucked into it almost instantaneously, and John tumbles face-first into the prison, breaking his glasses. He looks up to see Caliborn laughing at them all as he returns the Juju to the chest and closes it.with a
John laments over his broken glasses and his perceived failure of Rose's mission. As he thinks about her, he realizes the teen Rose he brought along is trying to talk to him through the wall. She's apparently in another chamber in this impossibly bright white space, adjacent to his. She's trying to confirm whether he's okay, and once he does, she seems relieved and says that everyone's accounted for. Each of the kids is secluded from the others in one of the four main chambers that the Juju contains, and as shown in Act 7, this matches their arrangement on the exile stations' computer monitors. From below, Dave and Jade are discussing how they respectively can't feel time or space within the prison. As the fight between the alpha kids and Caliborn rages louder outside, the teens try to ask John what future Rose's plan was, but none of them can hear each other no matter how loud they shout. John stops trying, and takes a moment to consider that this is still part of the plan, and the alpha kids are meant to defeat the young cherub. He closes his eyes and tries to picture the fight based on what he can hear, conjuring images of a bubble of pure Hope and metallic horses...
John of course dismisses the imagery as silly and inaccurate, and stops trying to imagine the fight. As he overhears Dave and Jade loudly reminiscing with each other below, he once again wrestles with the morality of taking them away from their lives. He doesn't know whether he should answer any questions they may have about their alternate selves' lives on Earth C, worrying that anything he might say would just make them sad. As he thinks about the life he himself left behind, his focus turns to Terezi and how much he misses her. He wishes she had been on Earth C with him, shaking him out of his misery and isolation in her typical style. He starts to realize he's been depressed, and should've been reaching out to people himself, rather than waiting for things to change. With reignited confidence, he tries his hardest to use his retcon powers to escape the Juju... to no avail. After slumping back down, he announces to the other kids that “THE JUJU HAS TO UNLOAD”, that all they can do is wait ( ), and that he's depressed.
Lord English[edit | edit source]After the Juju's eternity in the Furthest Ring and Homestuck Canon , Vriska eventually against Lord English. John and the others emerge from the Juju just in time to hear Vriska scream as she's sucked into the black hole, but John doesn't seem to realize it's her. He's more focused on the sound of reality cracking. Dave's voice abruptly reminds John of the three confused, frightened teens standing behind him. He holds his broken glasses to his face to once more take in the scene from his nightmares - a black hole, screaming ghosts falling into it, and Lord English at its center.
John chooses to eat the exotic candy and thoughtfully looks around, considering how melodramatic and nihilistic he's been, and how silly it all was. He decides that fighting Lord English only “serves some vague purpose” he doesn't fully understand, and that he'd prefer to stay on Earth C and enjoy his life. He reflects on his sappy feelings for his friends and the beauty of the nature around him and, upon being asked, confirms to Calliope that he's sure about his decision. Roxy is ecstatic and embraces him tightly, crying. He hesitates for a moment, trying to gauge Calliope's reaction, but then enthusiastically reciprocates. Calliope and Roxy excitedly explain that they have “sUch big plans” for him, but then Calliope makes one request for him to use his retcon powers: “let poor gamzee oUt of the fridge, john.” He is appalled, but Calliope insists everyone deserves a chance, and Roxy offers John no support to his hesitations. John begrudgingly complies, and zaps back into canon to retrieve Gamzee. He appears in the scene where Dave and Dirk Strider after their intense heart-to-heart, despite the fridge at that moment and location in canon. John sneaks over to the fridge, not wanting to interrupt the moment. Dirk notices him as he touches the fridge, but doesn't say anything and turns back around. John takes this as a win and zaps away with the fridge, leaving its chain restraints behind. After arriving back on Earth C, John opens the fridge gingerly and Gamzee bursts out gasping and sweating. The troll begins a self-pitying, apologetic soliloquy as Calliope comforts him. John scoffs in the middle of it but Roxy shushes him. After Gamzee finishes his speech, Calliope and Roxy congratulate and embrace him, as John walks away. He contacts Terezi and surreptitiously takes a photo over his shoulder of the other three hugging, and John and Terezi vent about how much they dislike Gamzee and can't believe the situation occurring here. John asks about her search for Vriska in the Furthest Ring and expresses how everyone misses Terezi, but she's not ready to return. She signs off and implores John to be ready with “4 R3PORT OF 3X4CTLY ON3 PUNCH 1N TH3 CLOWN D1CK” next time she contacts him. John smiles as he puts his phone away. As Gamzee attracts a crowd of carapacians, Calliope walks over to John and thanks him.
In other media[edit | edit source]
MSPA Snapchat[edit | edit source]
John appears dressed as Candy Corn Vampire Problem Sleuth for Halloween, and a carapacian is seen dressed up as John for the costume contest. John later poses with Rose, Dave, and Jade in their costumes.
Paradox Space[edit | edit source]
John wakes up and lazily goes about his morning routine - brushing his teeth, applying pixellated hair gel, and putting on his glasses. As he exits the bathroom, we see Dad walking away. John steps into a cake and, after rolling his eyes, blows out the candles. The Paradox Space title card is shown.
During his birthday party at the zoo, John is running away from something in a hurry. He comes across Dave and tells him that he witnessed monkey-on-monkey knife violence. Dave criticizes John for his supposedly false and story with cliche random elements, and walks away fuming. John picks up the present Dave dropped and walks away, also upset. He returns to the monkey cage to see the smaller monkey dead and bleeding on the floor, and John looks disturbed and worried as the other monkeys make eye contact and shush him.
John is in his living room, messing about with his sylladex, when he captchalogues two fanciful harlequins, launching glass shards at the harlequin doll, Queen's Ring. However, because the harlequin has no arms, when Jack puts the ring on, he loses both of his, and thus has nowhere to wear the ring. It falls off, and he reverts to normal, before putting it back on, losing his arms, and having the ring fall off again. This repeats ad infinitum, as the kids conclude that this is a doomed timeline and leave to go watch a movie.However, unlike canon, he captchalogues a third harlequin, launching his PDA harlequin-wards, and knocking its arm off. Later, when , John, Dave, Rose, and Jade look on in Horror as Jack puts on the
John is competing in the Teen Con Air Finals to see who can best depict the final scene of Con Air. His team comprises himself (playing the part of Cameron Poe), Roxy (playing Tricia Poe), and Casey (playing Casey Poe). Karkat and Terezi are also there, but that seems to be for moral support. Just before going onstage to perform, John learns that Roxy has never seen the film, and planned to just wing it. Their performance goes awfully, with awkward silences, missed cues, and uncomfortable ad-libs, and it seems the Evil Team (Vriska, Caliborn, Lil Cal, and Lil Sebastian) is going to win. But then, in a self-described "unconventional Dumbledore-esque move", the judge (WV) awards John's team ("the Stupid Team") six billion points for their passion and innocent love of the film. Vriska drops to her knees and screams while the Stupid Team celebrates.
Dad Egbert has taken John on a trip to the Dadly Depot, a repository of the sterotypical fatherly articles the former is so fond of. The interior of the store is gray and sterile, and by hour five, John in agonizingly bored. He borrows his dad's PDA to message Dave, craving some form of entertainment. Dave mentions that he's never been to the Dadly Depot, and that his brother only ever took him to Brajstop, a local chain which sells the sort of things that might interest the Striders: namely, "“snacks, hats, soft drinks” [and] “hand to hand combat weapons”". Dave complains about these expeditions, saying that his Bro leaves him in an empty ball pit (a sunken recess in the floor sans any plastic balls) to help him "build character". He tells John to try and make the most of this time with his father, and then signs off. John, realizing that this is his dad's way of bonding with him, runs back over and starts chatting excitedly to him, and asking to buy a smaller, wizard-themed version of his nose hair trimmer.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
|The Homestuck Epilogues|
|Homestuck Characters||John Egbert • Rose Lalonde • Dave Strider • Jade Harley • Jane Crocker • Roxy Lalonde • Dirk Strider • Jake English • Aradia Megido • Tavros Nitram • Sollux Captor • Karkat Vantas • Kanaya Maryam • Terezi Pyrope • Vriska Serket • Gamzee Makara • Eridan Ampora • Feferi Peixes • Aranea Serket • Meenah Peixes • Davepetasprite^2 • Calliope • Alt Calliope • Caliborn • Lord English|
|Original Characters||Harry Anderson Egbert • Vriska Maryam-Lalonde • Tavros Crocker • Swifer Eggmop • Cliper Borden • Barack Obama|
|Concepts||Canon • Ultimate Self • Troll • Cherub • Earth C|
|Related works||Homestuck • Homestuck^2: Beyond Canon • Hiveswap • Hiveswap Friendship Simulator • Pesterquest|