King[edit | edit source]
The king is the bored and grumpy ruler of the land. He is a homosexual, but he has passed an edict banning homosexuality in his kingdom and making it punishable by incarceration in his personal dungeon. He finds the double entendre of "queen" to be very amusing, and when the bard (unintentionally) uses it in a song the king makes him the new head dragon slayer of the kingdom.
Blacksmith[edit | edit source]
The blacksmith makes and sells essential adventuring items, including Bard Armor +5 and Extra Large Dragon Corpse Satchels. He has a great amount of faith in the bard's dragon-killing ability and even gives him 10 satchels for free. He is unwilling to sell the bard gay porn magazines due to the ban on homosexuality but does give him an issue of Hunk Rump while throwing him out of the store.
Butcher[edit | edit source]
The butcher runs the meat shop. He throws the Bard out of his store after mistaking the bard's order of five bratwurst for an order of five dildos, seemingly violating the ban on homosexuality.
Codsmith[edit | edit source]
The codsmith, otherwise known sometimes as the groincobbler, runs the Cod Palace. He makes all sorts of codpieces and sells them or trades them for items he can use to make new codpieces, albeit only if the item in question could be into a cod of comparable value to the one being traded.
Swamp wizard[edit | edit source]
The wizard also appeared on the MSPA donation page, where he explains that any reader who donates $20 or more to the site's Tip Flask will have a command of their choice illustrated by Hussie. (This feature has since been discontinued due to demand exceeding Hussie's ability to draw new commands.)
|Bard Quest Characters|
|The Bard - Flothers and Daunchy|
|King - Blacksmith - Butcher - Codsmith - Swamp wizard|