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Ongoing Gags

What pumpkin?

Many ongoing gags, or "callbacks", occur in MS Paint Adventures. In addition to internal callbacks in each adventure, the later adventures (particularly Homestuck) sometimes also reference the earlier adventures. On a related note, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff was originally created with the purpose of being referenced in mind, as "the chief source of in-house memes" for Homestuck.

Similar, but typically of a more serious and plot-relevant nature, are recurring themes.

Gags in multiple adventuresEdit

Auto-Parry
At first just a sight-gag in Problem Sleuth as Ace Dick does not so much parry as take the blow full on, it has morphed into a series of terrible puns in Homestuck universe, such as "Auto-Pastry" when John Aggresses his Dad; similarly, Rose "Auto-Perrier" and "Blotto-Parry" when she Aggresses her mother. Dave also later uses "Auto-Harley" against Jack Noir, and Vriska uses "Auto-Pirate" against the same.
"Be the other guy"
A command used to semi-force the story to focus on another character. It was first used in Jailbreak (though not perfectly) and later appeared in Homestuck to make the story shift from Dave's perspective to John's. Also used for other charactersHS. Also used in the Midnight Crew Intermission, where the command neverHS getsHS theHS desiredHS resultHS.
Busts
Typically placed in Problem Sleuth, busts are seen obstructing pathways, as Busts-R-Us is a Legitimate Establishment, and are constructed to look like several movie celebrities, most notably Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Snoop Dogg. A combination of busts has also been created: the Bowen Stilson Dogg. This gag made a lampshade appearance in a Homestuck pageHS as Dirk attempts to exit his room.
Colors and units of distance
Black Inches first appearedMspa icon in Jailbreak, and is referred to multiple times in Homestuck, such as Clubs Deuce's smut magazine (a parody, as it here refers to licorice). Black Inches also appears as a smut magazine in Problem Sleuth. Snowman's whip bears the same name, and the most powerful ability of the Queen's Ring, the Red Miles, is also a reference to the magazine. Bec Noir has also used a variant of the Red Miles, presumably called the Green Miles, or at least the Green some unit of distance. Homestuck also features the Yellow Yard, and Dirk's auto-responder has used the phrase "Blue Leagues". Aranea describedHS the serpentine mating forms of adult cherubs as green aus (astronomical units).
"Dear, sweet, precious X"
"First used"Mspa icon on dear, sweet Sonhearst, when Ace Dick Auto-Parries a bullet for him. More properly usedMspa icon after Sonhearst becomes Bathearst. Way, way later, it's first used in Homestuck to refer to Calliope's jujuHS, and later applied primarily to dearHS sweetHS preciousHS dearHS DEARHS Fefeta, usually by Roxy. In Openbound part 3HS, one can also examine dear, sweet, beautiful, dear, precious, sweet, sweet, dear, sweet HORSEAPONI while controlling Horuss (#neigh). In A6A6I4, John recovers the dear, sweet, precious ring of ghost life HS.
"First, be the X. Second..."
A command that first appears in JailbreakMspa icon. In Homestuck, Rose is instructed to be the pony and either trampleHS or followHS Mom. John is instructed to be the hatHS and find dad.
Flip the Fuck Out
Occasionally a character in Problem Sleuth (or, some instances, in Homestuck) will Flip the Fuck Out. Weasels from Problem Sleuth mainly do this when they get agitated.
"Fondly Regard..."
Since Godhead Pickle Inspector refuses to do anything other than "Fondly regard creation", many commands are given that use a word that sounds very similar to "creation", such as crustaceanMspa icon or cremationHS. His rule seems a little loose, as GPI does fondly regard some crenellationMspa icon, although it certainly could be considered part of his creation. The same may apply to his beloved childrenMspa icon. In an extra, GPI actually obeys a commandMspa icon to "Fondly regard donation", but of course that's non-canon. Bucking the trend a bit, Wayward Vagabond holds a certain appealHS for the desert night over Exile Town. Gamzee and Jane have each fondly regarded the miracle ofHS a new beginningHS. John has been known to do thisHS to Nanna's ashes.
Gay porn
Oftentimes, Hussie will slip in some gay porn. Most notable is Hunk Rump. It does not appear in Homestuck, but the Smuppets can be a sort of replacement, as well as Equius's fine musclebeast nudes. However, Hunk Rump does make an appearance on the Homestuck Vol. 9 cover art, as one of the cards held by Jake.
Haunting refrains
When musical instruments are present in a scene (string instruments in particular), a command to play a haunting refrain is often chosen, and accompanied by a simple flash video. This originated in Problem Sleuth, when PS was commanded to play a haunting tuba refrainMspa icon. However, he refused, because the tuba in question was encrusted with filth from years of neglect.
"Punch <noun> in snout to establish <adjectival noun>"
Ace Dick is prone to expressing himself through violence, and tends to exert his Emotions in thisMspa icon fashionMspa icon. Oddly enough, it usually results in him gaining allies. Also introducedHS to the Midnight Crew Intermission in Homestuck. Later, a salamander in [S] ACT 4 ==> contemplates punching the Heir in the snout to accomplish... some purpose, if he ever meets him. Also referenced hereHS.
"Retrieve arms"
Based on the fact that character arms are often not drawn when by the character's side. This command is often the first command given to a new character when they appear. This is a pun based on the word "armamentsHS", i.e. weapons. One exception is Jade, who already has her arms out during that commandHS. The command is used as wordplay later, though, with Jade being told to quickly retrieve firearms from her wallHS
"This is incredibly..."
In Problem Sleuth, several of Pickle Inspector's actions have been described inMspa icon thisMspa icon mannerMspa icon. It has also been seen in Homestuck moreHS thanHS onceHS, including in the Midnight Crew intermissionHS. A common specific variant, "This is incredibly silly!", usually involvesMspa icon joustingMspa icon, but occasionally doesn'tHS.
"Throw down hat in disgust"
A command common among the male characters in Problem Sleuth establishing their disgust in recent events. It doesn't matter whether they are goodMspa icon or badMspa icon, nor how much they try and resistMspa icon, or even if they are aliveMspa icon or not, sooner or later the hat will flyMspa icon! This gag was extendedHS to Homestuck, as well as the Midnight Crew IntermissionHS. Jane threw hers downHS in such disgustHS that she managed to level up as a resultHS. Her hat appropriately shares in the glorious spoilsHS.
Weapon/Object Duality
Weapons in Problem Sleuth may be exchanged with somethingMspa icon elseMspa icon, also known as an innocuous double, often when it's most inconvenient. The next frame typically gives an explanation of why it's ridiculous to think the character ever had such an object in the first place. This extends to the Midnight Crew in Homestuck, who keep all their items as decks of cards, and even appears briefly in Hivebent as Kanaya's weapon. Later it's revealed that Lord English's Cairo Overcoat and cane both also have innocuous double. Or more accurately, the cane is the (relatively) innocuous form of his actual weapon.
"What pumpkin?"
The appearance of pumpkins, which originated from Jailbreak. As pumpkins are rather elusive, it's often very difficult to actually tell if there has ever been one in the room. This may have been caused by Jake, who appearified several pumpkins after discovering his Transmaterializer. Also referenced by the company called What Pumpkin, which sells Homestuck merchandise.
"X has been slain."
This has been used numerous times in Problem Sleuth and usedHS threeHS timesHS in Homestuck.
"X: Land already"
Similarly to the above, this is used in Problem Sleuth and Homestuck to switch perspective to another character. In this case, one who has been falling, usually while other characters have been the focus. Has been used for Problem Sleuth (hereMspa icon and hereMspa icon), Nervous Broad (hereMspa icon), Hysterical Dame (hereMspa icon), John (hereHS), Jade (hereHS), Tavros (hereHS) and most recently Roxy (hereHS).
"You become... My God... YOU BECOME... X."
Followed by complaints about imagination and how you'd somehow harm your own (or someone else's) imagination in the face. It was applied to Ace Dick hereMspa icon when he combined himself with his alternate selves, and later applied to the Draconian Dignitary hereHS when he put on the Ring of Orbs Nofold.
"YOU (VERB) THAT (NOUN) THIS INSTANT!"
"YOU COULD NOT/CANNOT DO IT. YOU COULD NOT/CANNOT (VERB) THE (NOUN)."
This cry of rage and/or its frequent companion failure have so far appeared four times. It was first uttered by Ace Dick while playing a game of Hunk Rump: The Gathering. In an attempt to get Problem Sleuth to hurry up and finish his turn, he begins to urge PS to tap the ass cardMspa icon. In its second appearance, Hearts Boxcars tries to get a doubt-filled Tavros to get up and kiss Vriska. When Tavros refuses due to his inability to stand up, Hearts Boxcars flips outHS. Later, Bec Noir demonstrates his his inability to killHS Jade, due to the loyalty he inherited from Bec. Most recently, Doc Scratch has commanded the Handmaid to "render [herself] in a more symbolic manner this instantHS".

Gags in Problem SleuthEdit

"Fall in a more <adjective> manner."
This has been used multiple times: Problem Sleuth in a more hard-boiled mannerMspa icon, Pickle Inspector in a sillier mannerMspa icon, and Nervous Broad in a more nervous mannerMspa icon.
"I don't know why you haven't thought of that"
Some actions occur on their own, and the action notifies the player that they most likely should have thought of this MONTHS ago, or that something is so simple that the player shouldn't question its obviousness.
"Ride <noun> like a mechanical bull"
A commandMspa icon oftenMspa icon givenMspa icon towardMspa icon objectsMspa icon that clearly should not be ridden like a mechanical bull. A mechanical bull has also been ridden like a real bullMspa icon and Death's Scythe has been ridden like a mechanical bull (as a mechanical bull scythe)Mspa icon.
Trying to use Sepulchritude
Problem Sleuth has had to holdMspa icon offMspa icon onMspa icon usingMspa icon SepulchritudeMspa icon many times, until it is finally usedMspa icon.

Gags in HomestuckEdit

It's worth noting that Doc Scratch implies that callbacks are an integral part of paradox spaceHS and that events often repeat again and againHS. In other words, many of the callbacks and recurring gags in Homestuck might be explainable in-universe as possible instances of circumstantial simultaneity.

<Action> like a(n) <Animal/Appendage> and <Action> on your <Possession>
First used by John when he is told to sqwawk like an imbecile and shit on his deskHS, second by Rose, when she is told to writhe like a flagellum and puke on her bedHS, third by Dave, where he is told to bleat like a goat and piss on his turntablesHS, and lastly by Jade, who was asked to squeal like a piglet and fertilize some plantsHS. All of these requests were met with reluctance by the characters, with the exception of Dave, who did consider bleating like a goatHS at a later date, along with Jade, who dismisses the idea first, but immediately after decides to do soHS
x2 Facepalm Combo
First usedHS by Rose in the Mausoleum, then by Karkat at his computerHS, and later not quite accomplishedHS by Spades Slick (directly after his past self successfully accomplished itHS, albeit centuries before). In [S] FlipHS, Terezi pulled off a x3 Triple Facepalm Combo, with the aid of Lil Cal (pap). The gag is later subverted with Doc Scratch's Facepalm x0 ComboHS, Bec Noir's Facepaw x2 x1 ComboHS, and B2 Jack's EYESTAB x2 COMBO!!!HS
A hell of a mystery...
Sometimes we come across the solution to "...a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didnt even really need solving / but damn if it didnt just get solved so nice work".HS This happens fairly often.HS Sometimes we don't even know we've found the solution.HS And sometimes we'd rather we hadn't.HS
A recurring introductory set of lines in Pesterlogs
An introduction from a troll, a reaction with multiple "o"s (or zeroes) from the victim, the line "So I guess A is finally the B you C everything D," followed by an emoticon. Three examples, in the order in which they appeared in the story line, are as follows; it is also notable that, in the first and second of the examples, the phrase "Is there nothing I can do to change your mind?" is given after the emoticon. In the third, "Is there nothing I can do to ease your mind?" is given after a long pep talk.
  • Karkat and JadeHS; A = TODAY, B = DAY, C = FUCK, and D = UP
  • Kanaya and AradiaHS; A = Tonight, B = Night, C = Blow, and D = Up
  • Calliope and JaneHS; A = today, B = day, C = make, and D = better.

Karkat's initial judgment of Jade is echoed by TereziHS much later on.

Acrobatic fucking pirouette
Several characters use this phrase, or a variation thereof, to describe how they are going to flip out if an annoying event continues to happen. It is a dramatic exaggeration of the phrase "fly off the handle". First mentioned by DaveHS (repeated hereHS) when he was getting fed up with Bro's weird puppets, and actually carried out in [S] Dave: Ascend to the highest point of the building.HS. It is next done by Dave and the jutting out and impudent felt plush, into one another's heartsHS. Sollux threatens to do an athletiic fuckiing 2omer2aultHS off the deep end if he sees any more tangled wires. Dave claims he is doing some kind of spectacular fucking jackknife off the loopHS when Davesprite is talking to Rose. Dave later warns Terezi off using the phraseHS to taunt him. Terezi performs one in [S] Seer: AscendHS, mirroring Dave's flash. Such acrobatics are also used to dismount objects in an ironically ungraceful manner; Dave off a swordHS, and Gamzee off Unireal AirHS. When Hussie gets too self-indulgentHS, MSPA Readers swear they will do one "off the stump and blow their brains out if it doesn't stop keep happening." Dirk tells Jane that Jake needs to be more skeptical, and not take a Pollyanna jackknife ass-first off whatever turnip truck is blowing through town that dayHS. And the auto-responder, when Dirk asks him if he can handle overseeing Jane's entry into the game, claims he will perform an acrobatic pirouette on to the handle, wherein the handle literally represents his ability to handle that thingHS, following it up with an extended metaphor about marrying the handle. Also used when Jane abscondsHS, along with some lass scampering, a couple of youth rolls, and a nice abscond.

Rose threatens to do this so hard she impregnates the Incipisphere with [her] body if John keeps protesting he's not their leader.

"Addiction is a powerful thing."
Stated in many of the introductory panels of both kids and trolls.
"All the <noun>s. All of them."
Appears all over Act 5 in most of the instances where trolls are speaking of ALL of something. ALL OF IT. First shows up when Sollux is introducedHS. Other than Sollux's case, it frequentlyHS involvesHS VriskaHS, but has also been used by FeferiHS, EridanHS and KarkatHS (when talking to Vriska). In Alterniabound Karkat snarks about the gag, when the <nouns> that "AREN'T AN EXHAUSTIVELY QUANTIFIABLE THING AND WE BOTH FUCKING KNOW THAT". "None of themHS" has also been used. Rose goes into somewhat of an extended metaphorHS of the gag, using the terms "exhaustive possession" and "monopolization".
Backup clothing
In the Midnight Crew Intermission, the Midnight Crew all have backup hats, and Lord English has a backup Cairo Overcoat.
Being entrenched in stuff
Originally used in Dave's confrontations with TavrosHS, Dave refers to his and Karkat's entrenchment through penis ouijaHS.
Being fuck-deep in stuff
Dave gets "burrowed fuck deepHS into lively, fluffy muppet buttock," Karkat remarksHS that Terezi is probably burrowed fuck deep in the lab, Roxy emerges from fuck deepHS in meowcats (after mentioning it hereHS), Dave later mentions he's "been fuck deepHS in alt daves before", and Dirk has been burrowed fuck deepHS in flying buttresses and purple pointy things. Caliborn also surmisesHS that his goal in Sburb is TO BURROW FUCK DEEP INTO THE CENTER OF EARTH to confront Yaldabaoth.
Jake Big No

I think Jake has something he wants to say about the situation.

Big no
A character is drawn in scribble mode (usually inside the Tricksterlog/Dialoglog) as having their hands on their head and yelling an incredibly long "NOOOOOOO...OOOO!" It is first seenHS with Jake, in response to Jane's declaration of how caucasian peachy she feels. It is later used (repeatedly) by JohnHS when Jane stabs Karkat, much to Jade's irritation. The third character to do it is Dave, while diving after WV.HS
Blast off.
Done by JohnHS threeHS timesHS, SolluxHS, and Trickster JaneHS.
BLUH
Commonly used as an all purpose reaction to... well, almost anything. RoseHS, John, Jade, KanayaHS, FeferiHS, EridanHS, and even Spades Slick have expressed their thoughts about someone or something using some sort of BLUH. Terezi claims to be unfazed by our human bluhsHS. Characters engaging in a BLUH are often depicted in Scribble Mode.
Boggle vacantly at these shenanigans
Used at bothHS endsHS of the Midnight Crew intermission. Jake subsequently boggles vacantlyHS at Dirk's technical shenanigans. Caliborn callsHS backHS the reference twice.
"Boy. You there, boy."
A standard greeting from Exile to player, occasionally followed by an instruction to "quit all this scurrying around". Used by WVHS and CDHS. Spades Slick instead opts for "Hey kid. Yeah you.HS" English addresses the Handmaid in aHS similarHS mannerHS, as does the Condesce to Jane via the Tiaratop.HS
"Bring me a horse and I am yours forever."
First used by Hussie in the first part of Openbound as an optional task. It was then used again in the third part by Horuss, this time necessary to proceed through the game.
Butler island
Dave was served like a dude on butler islandHS during his strife with his Bro. Sollux later predicts that he will get his ass served to him twofold, liike two dude2 on doublebutler ii2landHS. Later, Dave becomes like a dude on butler island; i mean, a dude who happens to be one of the butlersHS, since he became the server player for both Rose and Jade. Also, Jake worries that he might get served like a dude on butler island if he lets his guard downHS. Unfortunately, this worry reaches fruition.HS In Openbound, part three, Aranea describes the Lost Weeaboos, one of the fragments is "served like a shounen [young man] on shitsuji [butler] island...".
Carrying five or more computers
Like a sensible person. TereziHS and JohnHS (much to Jade's dismayHS) seem to show folly in this category. JakeHS, however, having a grandmother who advocated such thorough preparedness, is well equipped in the computational department.
Crumpling paper in anger
DaveHS, TereziHS, Jack NoirHS, the Draconian DignitaryHS, and CalibornHS have all been seen crumpling paper in anger.
"Cut to the chase and <verb> immediately."
Used in the introductions of TereziHS and TavrosHS.
"Dear, sweet, precious X"
See Gags in multiple adventures
Destroying time-related devices
Spades Slick spends much of the Midnight Crew Intermission breaking the 1000 clocks in the Felt mansion. He later destroys Doc Scratch's clock, marking a total of 1001/1000 clocks destroyedHS. Arguably, this is paralleled by Jack Noir, who upon arrival in the trolls' session fights a thousand-strong army of doomed timeline Aradiabots. Since they are robots of the Maid of Time, they are feasibly describable as "time-related devices". In other words, 1000/1000 Aradiabots Destroyed. Then the alpha Aradiabot blows up – in a sense also destroyed by Jack, as it's caused by Aradia's god tier ascension when he destroys the trolls' Derse – making it 1001/1000.
Don't turn your back on the body
First mentionedHS by Doc Scratch as a piece of advice to Karkat. Karkat, however, does not listenHS. Later referenced by the narrative promptHS, CalibornHS, VriskaHS, and RoxyHS. Dave and Dirk also trade storiesHS of turning their backs.
Drinking something one is not supposed to
A character attempts to drink something that looks tantalizing, only to retch in disgust and find out otherwise. Often goes hand in hand with BLUH and, accordingly, Scribble Mode. So far, this has happened to John with his "apple juice"HS (in Dave's imagination), Rose with one of her mother's martinisHS, Kanaya with the bloodHS of her just-deceased lusus, Feferi with some Troll TabHS, and the Wizardly Vassal with shaving creamHS (though the latter kept on drinking it anyway). The latest one is Roxy when she drank her martini, much like Rose but with completely the opposite reactionHS. Eridan would have also done thisHS with Faygo, but he considered it unnecessary since it's just soda, no big deal.
Dropping things
Picking up things or taking them out of the Sylladex can cause other items captchalogued in there to eject, often violently and in a hilarious fashion.
EGG!
The creation or arrival of an obviously plot-critical eggy-looking thign[sic],HS accompanied by the animated text "EGG!" This has been seen when WQ?'s station appearsHS, when Dave's Cruxite item is createdHS, and when Roxy creates a MatriorbHS.
"Elevatorstuck" ♫
Tensei's muzak ditty has now appeared in Homestuck thirteen times to date. It remains to be seen if there is any significance to the fact that Caliborn finds it painfully horrendousHS and the crew of Vriska's ship have been practicing itHS.
"Everybody out of the god damn way."
"[You/I] got a A full of B, a C full of D, and an E full of F."
  • Clubs DeuceHS; A = hat, B = bomb, C = fist, D = penis, E = head and F = empty.
  • RoxyHS; A = lab, B = cats, C = skirt, D = scamper, E = head and F = vodka.
  • KarkatHS; A = LAB, B = HUMANS, C = MOUTH, D = YELLING, E = TORTURED PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE and F = TOTALLY HYSTERICAL EMOTIONS AND UNAIRED GRIEVANCES AT PRACTICALLY EVERYBODY.
Extravagant bitch
This descriptor has so far been used to describe three females. First by CalibornHS (in line with his usual way of referring to females), second by RoseHS to refer to Vriska (possibly negatively), and third by RoxyHS to refer to Jane (presumably affectionately).
"Farmin' these goddamn X. Fuckin' pain in the ass."
Hearts Boxcars is left farmin' these goddamn horsesHS after Cans knocks him into a different calendar year. Salamander mushroom farmers express similar sentiments.HS In part 1HS of Openbound, Kankri tags one of his remarks to Meenah with #Herding all these g9ddamn w99l6easts #Fuckin pain in the ass.
Faux typos
Especially used by trolls. Common examples are "bunp", "sign" (for "sigh"), "jegus", etc. Also a favorite of Roxy's (how many are alcohol-induced and how many are intentional is unclear).
Flappy swingy doodad
Various characters have trouble remembering the term for the flag on mailboxes. The actual term is "Mailbox flag", or maybe "Semaphore" if you're really fancy.
Flash page back buttons
Starting with this flashHS and including the threeHS subsequentHS onesHS, the back buttons are changed to do different tasks rather than restarting the flash animation.
  • If the back button is clicked on the first instance, the button disappears and the word "why" appears above where the button was.
  • In attempting to click the back button in the second flash, the button changes positions and dimensions. If the reader continues to roll over the button, Nic Cage's face appears. Clicking the face returns the button to the corner and Nic Cage says, "boner."
  • The third flash's back button causes many back buttons to appear. Only one button resets the flash, clicking another button will make a honk play, indicating the reader clicked the wrong button.
  • Clicking the fourth flash's back button repeatedly creates sun designs (possibly alluding to Yaldabaoth's head) out of many flash buttons, but clicking any button will "advance" the progress. Eventually, each sun is replaced with a grid of Nic Cage faces. Clicking any face makes the animation pan to a poorly rendered National Treasure poster. Nic again says, "boner."
Flying off things
When not specifically doing acrobatic fucking pirouettes, things generally fly off handlesHS, or hooks, in a manner requiring increasingly exaggerated metaphors. For instance, the hook being dead to that shitHS, the hook filing for divorceHS from that shit and seeking custody of the hook and the shit's two kids, shit wanting to reconcileHS with the handle, and perhaps seek marital counseling, the handle being a bald guyHS going really fast and Sollux being his toupee, and most of all, Karkat upping his standard shit-flipping by threatening to flip his shitHS RIGHT OFF THIS FUCKING METEOR ... SPINNING AND SPINNING AND SPINNING INTO ENDLESS NOTHING, SCREAMING.
"Fuck that guy"
So far solely applied to Gamzee, and spoken by three separate characters.
  • KANAYA: All Im Saying Is Basically
    KANAYA: Just
    KANAYA: Fuck That Guy
    HS
  • ERISOLSPRITE: can wwe at lea2t come twwo term2 on a 2ound poliicy of 'fuck gamzee'?
    ERISOLSPRITE: cau2e all iim 2ayiin ii2 ba2iically.
    ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t.
    ERISOLSPRITE: fuck that guy.
    HS
  • DAVE: and as for gamzee fuck that guy with a balloon poodle HS
Headdesk and beating of the back of the head
Done by KarkatHS during a flash animation and by EridanHS during a normal panel. Later by GamzeeHS after seeing Trickster Jane using some majyyk/magic.
"He is already here"
Usually in relation to Lord English, referring to his ability to travel to any time and place he wants. The phrase is first used when discussing the virusHS that will summon English into the universe, repeatedHS by Doc Scratch to Rose, and later usedHS by English himself when he confronts the HandmaidHS. When English appears in Hussie's manor, our beloved author notes that English is always already here. There are also four cases of the phrase referring to someone other than English. The firstHS is applied to Jack Noir by Vriska, the secondHS to Spades Slick by Doc Scratch, the thirdHS and her Imperious Condescion by Dirk, and the fourthHS to the Imperial Drones by Caliborn. In the instance where it refers to Slick however, it is to lead the viewer to believe he will be English. It is also used by CalliopeHS and RoxyHS when referring to Caliborn, who is technically Lord English's younger self.
It's worth noting that Andrew Hussie used a variant of this gag, "I am already dead," in a conversationHS between him and Caliborn.
"Hey." "Sup."
Used when Dave is greeting a fellow Dave or another character. HS, HS, HS.
"Huge bitch"
This choice of descriptor first showed upHS in the Midnight Crew Intermission. The next was in Act 4, in a big flash pageHS. The next appearance is in Hivebent, just beforeHS Vriska's introduction. The most recent instanceHS mirrors the second one. With the appearance of this gag comes a scribble of the targeted person, generally accompanied by a "BLUH BLUH". So far, only the Black Queen, Snowman and Vriska are considered huge bitches, but more recently, as Rose is busy being her typical cryptic self and leaves John hanging to deal with two trolls, he refers to her as a HUGE WITCHHS. Much later, Vriska refers to her denizen, Cetus, as a HUGE 8itchHS.
"I am the X. It's me."
Repeated on several occasions. This is a reference to Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff #10Sbahj icon.
"I can't really control the X."
This gag first appears during Aradia's conversation with Equius, in which he mistakes her ribbits as a form of roleplay, but in reality she cant really c0ntr0l the ribbitsHS. In an enthuastic conversation with Kanaya, Feferi claims she cant really control t)(e glubs, although Kanaya calls her out on this fallacious claimHS. A slight change to the gag occurs after Jade goes dog god tier, where John asks if Jade can control the woofsHS, to which Jade replies that she hasnt gotten the hang of the woofs yet :(HS. During Karkat's intermission intervention with Terezi, when Dave is on speakercrab, the device pinches Terezi's toe, but when she gets mad he points out that he cant control the crabHS. When Rose initially asks John about his new retcon powers, he explains that he can't seem to control the jumpsHS. At one point, Aradia subverts the trope by controlling the ribbits deliberately, in an attempt to cause a glitch in paradox spaceHS
"I think I should get a towel."
First appeared with John, when he tries to clean up the mess with the cake in Act 1HS. Due to EquiusHS and his sweating problem, it became used in situations where the person is nervous. JakeHS also uses this talking to Dirk.
"It's sharp and it's X and it's Y"
Dave and Dirk's swords are frequently described in this manner.
  • TG: its sharp and its awesome and its a sword
    TG: end of story
    HS
  • GG: its sharp and its through a bird and its a sword
    GG: end of story!!!!!!
    HS
  • DIRK: It's sharp!
    DIRK: And it's awesome!
    DIRK: And...
    DIRK: It's a sword!!!
    HS
  • JADE: its colorful and its silly and its a sword
    JADE: end of storyHS
  • DAVE: its sharp
    DAVE: and its awesome
    DAVE: and...
    DAVE: its fucking welsh!!!!!
    HS
"I/YOU HATE X I/YOU HATE X I/YOU HATE X"
Used when a character is in a crowd; he repeatedly exclaims that he hates something. First used by Hearts Boxcars when he's crowded by Eggs and Biscuits time clonesHS. Later used in Ministrife by Karkat: "I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE..." Later would be used by Caliborn when he gets crowded by his "puppet people"HS.
Idiotic thoughts
When characters are first introduced in Homestuck, they get insanelyHS idioticHS thoughtsHS which normally consist of acting like an animal and besmirching their surroundings via some bodily discharge. They usually get these thoughts after trying to retrieve their arms. Though those thoughts often got cancelled, Jade goesHS aheadHS with hers. Dave doesn't do it but it is mentionedHS here as well as done by Brobot HereHS.
"Immutable fact I am stating... does not mean"
Karkat tells John that all troll kids hate all human kids during an attempt to communicate helpfullyHS with him, and calls John an idiot so that he can clearly explain why he is not trying to be mean to him. Terezi later assures RoseHS that she is being helpful, but friendship just isn't taking place. Next it is again Karkat, stating that the trolls hate themHS, but that isn't any reason to withhold information. Kanaya informsHS Aradia that, although it is immutable that Sgrub will be terrible and although they are not on the same team, she will still be helpful. In the post-scratch universe, Caliborn explainsHS to Dirk that he doesn't reveal future events because him giving a shit is simply not taking place.
Ironic proximity to some horses
A character or object's being in the proximity of some horses is stated to be ironic, though no explanation for why it should be considered ironic is ever provided. During his showdown with Lord English, Hussie claimsHS that it would be ironic if English died in the proximity of some horses, and when English appears to be confused by the claim Hussie tells him to just think it over. Think it over... After taking over the narrative and finding Hussie's secret hatch, Caliborn wondersHS if the hatch's contents being in the proximity of some toy horses is supposed to be ironic. Later, during the second act of "Homosuck," Caliborn saysHS that "Alpha Male"'s adventure starting in the proximity of some horses is ironic, then tells the reader to think it over. In [S] GAME OVER, Caliborn is left heavily injured in the proximity of the toy horses, though in this instance, it goes unremarked upon. Later on in "Homosuck," ARquiusprite's arrival and Caliborn's (temporary?) defeat are accompanied by the presence of some horses, the irony of which Caliborn acknowledges.HS
Irons in the fire
Used by various trolls throughout the comic, much to the dismay of Karkat, who was the first to use it. It is formally addressed by Karkat on several occasions, usually after saying "Don't you dare say it", or something along those lines. Jake has also used it in a conversation with JaneHS. A variation occurs in Kanaya's conversation with FeferiHS when Kanaya says "Burdens In The Fire" which means the opposite, but kind of has the same idea to it.
"IS THIS YOU"
Used by Terezi to attempt to troll Dave by sending him pictures of various badasses males that bear the most minimal of resemblance to him. One instance led Davesprite to compliment Terezi's trolling methods, although he could have been trolling her in turn. Thus far, several variants have been used in two differentHS conversationsHS between Dave and Terezi. More recently, Calliope has used it for Dirk and Roxy, and Caliborn has used a variant for himself with Dirk and Jane.
"It's hard being X. It's hard, and nobody understands"
Repeated on several occasions.
  • First by Eridan to KanayaHS (being a kid and growwing up)
  • Then by Hussie (Mothersprite?) to KanayaHS (being a kid and growing up)
  • Next used by Nepeta while viewing her shipping wallHS (being a shipper)
  • Then, much later, by Roxy to ARHS (as totey sweet a friend as me)
    • Uses no 1 instead of "nobody"
  • Cronus tags a remarkHS with #W's are hard #theyre hard and no one understands #(V's too).
  • Last used by Hussie when narrating for CalibornHS (a cherub and growing up with lots of weird magical rules that nobody understands and have no discernible origin or purpose)
Just sort of...
Involves Hussie's narration on one page and the completion of the phrase in a command or an action on the next page.
  • First used when narrating for GamzeeHS - Gamzee gets his husktop
  • Hussie uses itHS himself after "defeating" Doc Scratch - he gets the repaired disc for the Homestuck game.
  • Used when Roxy takesHS the captchalogue bottle of kidmomgoo
  • Used when Jake takesHS a Fenestrated wall
The two most recent occurrences listed above both share a similar quality. In addition to the completion of the phrase in a command for the next panel, the next panel's narration begins with "You just sort of X."
There are other pseudo-occurrences where the phrase "just sort of" ends a line and is picked up on the next line.
Kanaya getting knocked off the lab's teleporter pad
As someone else teleports from the other end. First by Eridan in Kanaya: Return to the core. Later by Karkat on this pageHS. Kanaya lampshades the recurrent nature of the gag the second time around.
Legendary infinite X
Dirk taking a legendary infinite shower, and Jane hoping that Dad is having one of his legendary infinite carwashes.
Legendary piece of shit
Used to refer to a legendary weapon that fails to live up to its hype, such as the broken CaledfwlchHS and Ahab's CrosshairsHS.
Level up for slaying the imp
Objects used by Rose to smash imps are given their own ranking on the Echeladder. These objects include John's fridge, his bathtub, and the old copy of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery. Later on, Jane's hat also levels up for being perfectly thrown down.

Losing both an eye and an arm

Happens to Spades Slick, to Bec Noir, to John's harlequin doll, to Vriska Serket and her ancestor Spinneret Mindfang. Aranea also taunts Dirk with severing her ring arm. John's gift robot rabbit loses his green eye because it's eaten by WV, and later the post-scratch counterpart of that bunny in Jane's room appears to be missing both an eye and an arm. It seems those characters are basically destined to lose their eye and arm, or that if a character loses one they must also lose the other.

"Lousy (goddamn) stupid <noun>."
So far, every kid save for Dave has voicedHS his or her disgustHS for somethingHS in this mannerHS. Sollux, in a similar but not-quite-the-same manner, and in a 2X DISGUST COMBO, expresses his distaste for lousy stupid goddamnHS psychics and his window. The Salamander mushroom farmer also said this about the mushrooms. Eridan uses the phraseHS when talking about a witch seer. (Be Future Eridan.) Vriska also expressed distaste for a supportive friendHS in this manner, as did Bec NoirHS.
Magic's realness, or lack thereof
Hussie, throughout the comic, switches magic from real (e.g. Rose after she crafts her magical needles) to fake (E.g. Eridan´s introduction), keeping it consistently inconsistent. The gag was taken from one of Hussie's unfinished works, a novel titled Wizardy Herbert.
"Make-believe time is over"
"Oh God what has he done? <Name>? Please tell me that's just <substance>. Please just be <substance> please just be <substance> please just be <substance>. Haha, ok, make-believe time is over! Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god."
Difficulty accepting the death of a cherished one. Technically, this is first seen in Bro's comicHS, the comic itself having been drawn as a part of Cheerfulbear - PLAY ME. The gag then takes place afterHS Karkat finds Sollux dead after the Vast Glub (substance = HONEY). Later, he repeats itHS after watching Eridan slaughter Feferi and Kanaya (substance = GRUB SAUCE). After that, it is repeated by Hussie himself before he tries to revive RufioHS (substance = mohawk dye).
Mouth close-ups
In A6A6I1, Hussie gave Jane an extreme mouth close-up with the quote "You're lucky you're so hot.HS", and continued the gag in A6A6I2, with Meenah ("we got a whale of a problem hereHS"), Jane again with a more extreme close-up ("We potentially have a problem here that is rather significant in size.HS"), Jake ("Zzzzzz.HS"), Arquiusprite ("IT IS E%CEEDING A CERTAIN AMOUNT IN QUANTITYHS"), Karkat ("I SAID WE MAY HAVE A REALLY BIG FUCKING PROBLEM OVER HERE!!!!!!HS" and in Scribble Mode, no less), and Dave ("theres problemsHS").
No / Yes / No / Yes
Two characters talking have several times repeatedly said "no / yes". First used by Nepeta and EquiusHS several times in one conversation. Later used by Dave and KarkatHS, Tavros and VriskaHS, Nepeta and Equius again in MinistrifeHS, Dirk and ArquiuspriteHSHS, Erisolsprite and ArquiuspriteHS, and Caliborn and Andrew HussieHS. The no/yes between Dirk and Arquiusprite is likely a callback to conversations between Nepeta and Equius, who are also Heart and Void players respectively. Doc Scratch also has a similar habit,HS although this is surely of no significance whatsoever.
Not seeing why things have to be a federal fucking issue
John doesn't see why managing one's strife specibusHS needs to be a federal fucking issue, nor why Con Air's musicHS needs to make things into a federal issue. Latula notes that Kankri made a f3d3r4l c4s3 out of her disability in part 1HS of Openbound. Meanwhile, Rose doesn't see why datesHS have to be a felderal fucking eschew, either.
"<Noun> sure is/are <adjective>!"
Trolls,HS troll reproduction,HS HUMAN ROMANCEHS (also reiterated by examining John ? WVHS), [the kids'] session,HS Jade's familyHS and human fashion and transportation and safetyHS sure are weird! Similarly, troll romanceHS and troll etiquetteHS sure are confusing! And to top it off, [Jade's Grandpa] sure is a bag of wind,HS royalty sure is civilizedHS and human friendship sure is complicated.HS
Object piles
Jade's Squiddles, Rose's scarves, Gamzee's horns, Equius's broken robots, Eridan's shitty wands and Jake's gunsHS. Dave's Bro's jumble of unbelievably shitty swords may also count. Piles of smuppets are seen in various locations as well. The only unique case is Vriska, since while she does have piles of dice and 8-balls lying around her hive, she was not the one to pile them; rather, they were piled by Kanaya, who was simply cleaning her room. However, Vriska does have a pile of boondollars and boonbucks from her FLARP conquests in her secret room.
"Oh nooooo..."
Generally with various letters repeated. Fairly self-explanatory. Please make sure to read it in the proper tone of mental voice. First instance: Jade hears from KarkatHS again, the first time from our perspective. In the second instance, Jade is thwarted one more timeHS by a pumpkin. In the third instance, dream Jade's reactionHS to the accidentally impaled crow. Another example is Nepeta's commentHS on her shipping wall to the possible matespritship of Karkat and Vriska. Happens again when Jake accidentally kills a fairy bullHS. This timeHS doesn't count. Kanaya hears it from AradiaHS. There is another similar exampleHS when John is contacted by Karkat for the first time in Act 4. Dave gives his own takeHS upon discovering Jade's dead body.
Olive Branch of Friendship
One character will describe their actions as being an olive branch of friendship. Karkat offersHS the aforementioned branch to John, despite John treating it like A GNARLED TREE MONSTER'S DICK. Similarly, Vriska questionsHS how they can become friends if Karkat continues to recoil from her olive branch like she's twitching a mummified 8ovine phallus. Terezi holds outHS her 1NT3RSP3C13S OL1V3 BR4NCH for Dave upon their first conversation. Caliborn attemptsHS to persuade Jane to accept his branch in a similar manner.
Over 9000
Something, usually a character's power level, is stated to be over 9000. A preexisting meme taken from Dragon Ball Z, and its appearances in Homestuck occasionally complain about the meme being old and not funny anymore. Dirk describesHS the Condesce's power level as being over 9000, the narration asksHS if the reader wants Homestuck to go on for over 9000 panels (Nobody wants that. Nobody even wants to hear the phrase "over 9000."), Lil Hal describesHS himself as being a better AI than HAL 9000 and thus "over 9000" (Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and Arquiusprite saysHS It's... It's over... E%CEEDING A CERTAIN AMOUNT IN QUANTITY in regards to Jake's fully realized Page power level.
Hussie also demands that MSPA readers produce over 9000 selfies of themselves with the greatest moment in Homestuck,HS lest he delete MSPA from the internet and spread darkness across the world.
PCHOOOOO
This, and variants, are used as a sound effect or captcha code for anything rocket related, like a rocket pack or rocket shoes.
Proud notes
Used by Dad to offer encouragement on the go to John and Jane for various things. Nannasprite is also so proudHS of John. Davesprite imitates the notesHS, much to John's fury. Caliborn is so, so proud of himselfHS, and Hussie is so proud of the fandom.
  • Happy Birthday son. I am so proud of you.
  • Daughter, If you are reading this, it means you are strong enough to lift the fridge. You have become a mature, powerful woman. I have never been so proud. Now be a good girl, put the fridge down, and stay inside.
Pillow facemash
When something is frustrating to the point at which a certain Strider might be apt to perform an acrobatic fucking pirrouette, Rose Lalonde might prefer to pull out her trusty velvet pillow and vent her frustration in a more subdued but equally frustrated manner. Seen hereHS, hereHS and in this walk-aroundHS.
Psyche
Before something cool is about to happen, Hussie suddenly shifts the story to focus on another character. The first time this happens is when Rose leaves the observatory to confront her motherHS, which is interrupted with "OH PSYCHE" and switches to Dave's introduction. Worthy of note is the X2 DOUBLE PSYCHEOUT COMBOHS and, eventually, an attempt at a 5X CLIFFHANGER COMBOHS and the cause of an UNPSYCHE. On this pageHS there's a PRELOADER PSYCHEOUT luring the reader into thinking it's Dave's Strife page when in it is really Jade's. There were no further psycheouts for almost 4500 pages, until the "end" of Act 6 Intermission 3HS. Less than 60 pages laterHS where "literally the worst psycheout in Homestuck to date" occurs which is immediately followed by a pre-loader psycheout.
Quote misattribution
“There isn't one quote in HS which is attributed correctly.”
— Homestuck Book 1 commentary.
The narration will often include a quote, only to attribute it to the wrong person. This happens in the cases of Mark TwainHS (Shakespeare), Walt WhitmanHS (François de La Rochefoucauld), Charles BarkleyHS (T. S. Eliot), John KeatsHS (Snoop Dogg), Charles DuttonHS (also Shakespeare), and Cherub ShakespeareHS (Dave StriderHS). There was also one attributed toHS Troll Will Smith in Karkat's ~ATH handbook (John Oxenham).
"RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!"
An exclamation used in anger. Hussie was the first to use it, in the alt text of two bannerHS imagesHS during the Doc Scratch narrative. It has since been used by KarkatHS, JohnHSJaneHSRoxyHS (without an exclamation mark), VriskaHS, KanayaHS (with only the first letter capitalized) and John againHS.
Renaming non-speaking characters
Typically, each new naming is of the opposite gender to the old name. Seen with Vodka Mutini (aka Dr. Meowgon Spengler), Casey (aka Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer), Liv Tyler (aka Terry Kiser), Jaspers (aka Frigglish), and Serenity (aka doctor blinkbottom/twinkly herbert).
"Resist urge"
Used when a character is close to an item that may be tempting to useHS or touchHS, or is otherwise subject to a temptation, such as revengeHS. This usually ends in the character failingHS to resistHS the urge, but not always.HS
"Reunite with loving..."
OriginallyHS usedHS to fondly regard Con Air, but has now extended beyondHS thatHS.
Ripping out one's heart
And crushing it with one's robotic arm. This has been discussed on two occasions so far: by Vriska for her cerulean heartHS, and much later by Dirk's auto-responder for the brobot's uranium heartHS. Both cases were followed by robots enacting it; first the Aradiabot by removing her robotic heartHS and then beating it to a pulpHS, and then by the brobot in removing the uraniumHS from its body, smashing it to piecesHS, and promptly explodingHS.
ROBOSLAP
HereHS and hereHS. Additionally, in [S] GAME OVER, Caliborn dudebro slaps John.
ROBOTS DON'T HAVE FEELINGS
Jade first said this hereHS. Used by SolluxHS a few pages after in a conversation with Aradia. Later, Jake uses the phrase in a talkHS with Dirk's auto-responder. Andrew Hussie also says it, referring to his character in the comic, hereHS.
Shaving cream flammability
Shaving cream is initially expected to be flame-suppressant by both the Authority RegulatorHS and JohnHS. However, John is quickly made to revise this expectation drastically with the revelation of OH GOD HOW CAN SHAVING CREAM BE SO FLAMMABLEHS. Later, examining the flagpole in [S] John: Enter VillageHS references the selfsame flammability. This gag does end up as a Funny Aneurysm, however, shortly before the end of Act 5 Act 2HS.
Curiously, though, shaving cream is remarkably unflammableHS in the hands of Dad.
Shenanigans!
Usually used as a simplified explanation as to how a character acquired something, or as an explanation as to what is going on. Davesprite used this as an explanation when talking to JohnHS as well as JadespriteHS, and JadeHS used it with Karkat who relayed it to John. Later SolluxHS uses it in reference as to what is going on when John shows up during his retcon mission.
"(Shucks) buster"
First saidHS by Jane, then Roxy right afterwards. JakeHS says it to the auto-responder, who then saysHS it to Roxy. It seems to be a common statement even when possessed by evil headgearHS, albeit with a slightly more demanding demeanor.
"Sip martini thoughtfully."
And variations. A reaction of the character over attempting to taste some sort of drink, liquid, etc. Sometimes, it's just a projection of their reaction or a joke over itself. First appears with Dave's plans to troll JohnHS, then with RoseHS, KanayaHS, EridanHS, FeferiHS, WVHS, TereziHS and RoxyHS.
"Solicit profound wisdom from X."
Where X is usually a hopelessly unhelpful source. Done by JakeHS, DirkHS, and JaneHS.
Sound effects
Primarily "shoosh", "pap", "nak" and "doof", not always in appropriate places. On the other hand, several items have struck someone on the head with a satisfying "BONK" or even "bap".
Statements like that are also why you're our leader
Used by Rose to JohnHS, Kanaya to KarkatHS, Dirk to Jane HS, Roxy to JohnHS (as i bet sayin stuff like that is why ur their leader), and most recently by Kanaya to KarkatHS. Often accompanied with a variant of "I'm not your leader, I am your friend, there is a big difference", and often preceded by "that's why you're our leader".
STERN FATHERLY (X)
In part 2HS of Openbound, Seahorse dad issues a stern, fatherly neigh. Dad later expresses STERN FATHERLY DISAPPROVALHS at the alpha kids' trickster shenanigans. Later on, Dad retains STERN FATHERLY CONFUSIONHS at Jake's hopesplosion. In both cases, he is peering out the window of his prison cell on Derse. He subsequently displays PROUD FATHERLY ADMIRATIONHS towards Jane (and possibly John) as they prepare to fight the Condesce.
Stuff being "for babies who poop hard in their diapers"
Mentioned by JohnHS, Spades SlickHS and (with slightly more b100-b100ded vocabulary) EquiusHS. Also used hereHS, somewhat ironically, to refer to boondollars being inferior to Kiddie Camper Handysashes. John also mentions pooping in his pants too hardHS from laughing at Dave's remarks.
"STRIIIIIIIIDDDDDDEEEERRRRR!!!"
Used when angry at Dave and later Dirk. Rose shouted it when she was trying to enter Sburb, and John at his Fraymotif shop. Jake also does this when Dirk's dream splinter starts messing with him in a dream bubble. John also exclaimed this upon reading Davesprite's note to him.
Stunning revelation
No way did anyone see that twist coming. Used for Aradia's all-the-time deathHS, and (unsuccessfully) for the fact that the trolls have one session and not twoHS. In fact, if Hussie states that something is a shocking twist, it probably isn't. For example, Dad's room turning out to be perfectly ordinary. Terms similar to "stunning revelation" as "shocking development" and "upsetting discovery" have been used when Terezi discoveredHS somethingHS shocking, usually accompanied by the sentence "Oh my! What have we here???".
Sweet Catch
Appears when one of the main characters catches something at very high speeds.
Taking dogs out behind the woodshed
Both Dave and John think Jade should take Bec out behind the woodshed, though they have differingHS viewsHS on what to do with him next. Hussie had to take Falcor out behind the woodshed and blow his brains out after he caught the rabies.HS Additionally, Karkat describes his intention to troll the kids as TAK[ING] A FEW TOOLS OUT BEHIND THE GRUBSHED.HS
"<Temporal noun> in the <Past/Future>, but not many..."
This expression is used a lot of times in Homestuck, to change the story's current time to go to the pastHS or to the futureHS, as the story occurs in bothHS simultaneously. "But not many" appears as Daedric text in [S] Jane: Enter.HS
"That didn't stop..."
Used in situations mentioning something that has not been shown in the story in a decent amount of time, such as "That didn't stop being a thing that was real or anything" or "That didn't stop being true." For example, John asks RoseHS whether LOWAS being on fire has "stop[ped] being a thing that was true".
"That's really all there is to say on the matter"
Dave and John will often summarize their situation quickly, then say this. That'sHS reallyHS allHS thereHS isHS toHS sayHS on the matterHS. Additionally, when Vriska forces Tavros to jump off a cliffHS, he typesHS "That's really all there is to report on the subject of me getting hurt", imitating Dave's pose from after being bested by his Bro. Dirk has also used this when talking about his love for puppets. It happens again after JakeHS fights, and loses against, the Brobot. In part 1HS of Openbound, if Latula talks to Porrim, the latter concludes a segment of the conversation by noting that it is really all she has to+ say o+n the matter of gender roles in Beforan society. Kanaya later provides something of a summary of WV, and concludes That Is Pretty Much All There Is To Say About The Mayor.HS
"That was the plan. To give you a boner. And you got one."
A line said by Nicolas Cage in the movie Snake Eyes which appears in the Dark CageHS Easter egg from Karkat: Mental breakdownHS. Jake and his Dirk projectionHS and CalibornHS have said the line or a variation on it while talking about boners.
The Slammer
A colloquial term for jail when one is extra angry at crimes! ARHS on multiple occasionsHS, Dave and TereziHS, and JaneHS all seem to use this.
"This is an absolutely preposterous amount of X."
In which X can refer to moneyHS, DavesHS, or time.
"This <human/troll> <emotion/disease> called friendship"
Mentioned multiple times, with frequent debate over whether friendship is actually an emotion or not; sometimes accompanied by "friendship isn't a <something>, <insult>. Said by Karkat to JohnHS, narrated when the exiles warm themselves in the glow of this human emotion called friendshipHS, John to earlier-timeline KarkatHS as a prank; referred to as a troll disease by Gamzee to KarkatHS and in the narration about Operation RegisurpHS; reffered to as a human emotion again by Kanaya's narrationHS and by Doc Scratch to RoseHS. Dirk's Auto-Responder refers to laughter as an emotionHS, continuing the running gag, and Caliborn calls friendshipHS and joyHS human emotions, though he says that the former barely qualifies as an emotion.
This is stupid Large

THIS IS STUPID

"THIS IS STUPID"
Used first by John, then other characters, whenever they realize something is particularly stupid. The first timeHS he began to have a mental breakdown when he realized that Betty Crocker, his sworn nemesis, manufactures Fruit Gushers, but quickly stopped when he realised that THIS IS STUPID. It was later invoked when he ignored Dave's advice about skipping to the seventh gate and blasted off anywaysHS. Nepeta does the gesture when teasing Equius for kissing AradiaHS, as does Karkat when entering Trickster Mode after he woke upHS. It happens again later in Daedric when Karkat has a mental breakdown after reading John's bucket-delivered letter over the idea of Troll/Human sloppy makeoutsHS. Hussie himself is also seen enlarging the phrase over three panels, as he leans in to kiss the corpse of the late Rufio.HS
Time is dead kids

The phrase can take on a number of meanings, depending on the situation. Sometimes, wasting time can lead to unnecessary deathHS, where in others it might be just the opposite - you're wastingHS precious kid-killing timeHS!

Toilet displacement
Newly connected Sburb players who are still getting used to the interface seem to have a serious habit of ruining the client player's bathroom. The toilet (if we choose to use that hoity-toity, blueblooded term) is usually first to go, followed occasionally the bathtub. It's not purely restricted to the bathroom, however, as the bed will often suffer as well. RoseHS, JadeHS, TereziHS, Aradia, KanayaHS, and Dirk have done this.
"Troll this <adjective> <noun>."
Seen when Terezi trolls an awesome coolkidHS and when Karkat trolls a worthless humanHS, and echoed when Vriska manipulatesHS a worthless human.
Unreal Air
Dave, Gamzee and Jane own the Unreal Air, Unireal Air, and Unreal Heiress Tiaratop, respectively.
Vriska being annoyed at having to follow explanations
She claims she is keeping so many notes and running out of ink, pens and paper, etc.
"Wear the <article of clothing>. Be the <title>."
Used on RoseHS, JohnHS and RoxyHS. When used, it often involves a certain pony. Rose is also instructed to Knit the scarf. Ride the ogre.HS
"What's his/her deal????????"
Said by Vriska regarding AradiaHS and JohnHS. Also said by JakeHS, regarding Jane.
"Who's this douche bag?"
Recurring reaction to unfamiliar faces, like Bing Crosby. Especially Bing Crosby. In [S] DD: Ascend more casuallyHS, after zooming in on a portrait of Eddie Morton that has flashing Lord English-like eyes, multiple lines of "Who's this douche bag" are displayed vertically in flashing letters.
Words beginning with "A"
“Homestuck does its fair share to improve the vocabulary of youngsters, albeit with heavy emphasis on the first letter of the alphabet.”
— Homestuck Book 1 commentary.
Sometimes, obscure words of this kind are used instead of words which would be more commonly used in their place. For example, John's computer taskbar has an "Actuate" button instead of a "Start" button. During Strife, the kids can select options such as "Aggrieve", "Aggress(-passive)", "Abjure", "Abscond", "Abstain", "Abuse", "Accuse", "Assail" or "Assault". While firing at Becquerel, Jade can choose "Arraign", "Arsenalize", "Artillerate", "Armamentify"... or "Arf".
<X>SPLODE
Certain characters or objects will explode with their own personalized explosion effect. A backhand to the face causes one of Equius's robots to ROBOSPLODEHS, while, much later, the process of Aradia's ascension leads her to BOTSPLODEHS. One of Dave's comics for Terezi involves a memesplodeHS. Eridan uses his "white science" to make the Matriorb HOPESPLODEHS. Hussie AUTHORSPLODEsHS out of the Handmaid's room when hunting Doc Scratch. Tavrisprite's iRRRRRRRRECONCILA8LE personalities unsurprisingly cause them to Tavrispl♉de!HS. A dragon lusus on Jake's island causes Lil Seb to glaresplodeHS. Erisolsprite and Arquiusprite's argument drives Fefetasprite to (dear, sweet, precious) FEFETASPLODE!HS At the end of [S] MSPA Reader: Mental breakdown.HS, four Eyes of Providence TRUTHSPLODE.
"YES. FUCK/HELL YES. HELL FUCKING YES."
Generally while riding some kind of mount like a bucking bronco. The first two examples (with the "Fuck yes" variant), involving John riding MaplehoofHS and Eridan and Feferi riding seahorsesHS, are in Scribble Mode, while the third (with the "Hell yes" variant), involving Hussie riding Falcor the LuckdragonHS, is presented in the normal style. Possibly an offshoot of the "Ride X like a mechanical bull" joke from Problem Sleuth. Dirk writes "Hell. Fucking. Yes." on the edited copy of Pony Pals he gave to Jane, and later he and the auto-responder tag-team the "Hell yes" variant of the phraseHS when they discover the book survived an explosion. This phrase is said one more timeHS in Act 6 Intermission 5 except John isn't riding anything as he does random activities to ease his boredom. A close variant of this is used by Dave hereHS, when he says yes / fuck yes / fuck fucking yes.
"You cannot hope to beat <X> in a <Y>-off. S/he is simply the best there is."
You cannot hope to beat John, Tavros, Aurthour, or Kanaya in a prank-offHS, a8scond-offHS, butler-offHS, or snark-offHS, respectively. They are simply the best there are. Likewise, Jane is simply the best there is at REFRESHING BOLDNESSHS. In Act 6 Intermission 2, Rose statesHS, "I think you'll find that when it comes to striving for a reasonable approximation of legitimacy, we are simply the most barely adequate there is."
"You figure you've left him hanging long enough."
Both John and Dave have left various things "hanging". In one of John's casesHS it is used figuratively to mean that he needs to high-five the Kernelsprite; John also regards his sprite's hanginghoodHS after he and Nannasprite kick some ogre ass. In Dave's caseHS, it is meant literally in reference to the hanging puppet in his way.
"You suddenly (don't) understand everything/anything."
JohnHS. John, less confidentHS. Terezi understands humansHS. Kanaya suddenly doesn't understand anythingHS. Jade suddenly understands jack shitHS, as Karkat reiteratesHS. Also, Dirk is sarcasticHS. Meanwhile, Kanaya Suddenly [Doesnt] Understand AnythingHS and has cast Sincere Doubt On The Laughable Insinuation That [She] Or Anyone Else Ever Actually Did For Even A Single Moment.
You're welcome.
You&#039;re welcome
The Courtyard Droll's calling card. First seen when Jack receives a pumpkin full of knivesHS, and again when several items are delivered to RoxyHS. In addition, the Condesce's document for Roxy has it written on the coverHS, it also apears in Gamzee's you're mother fuckin welcomeHS version. On a meta level, Hussie owns an embosser bearing his face and the same caption; signed copies of Problem Sleuth Book 4 and Homestuck Book 2 sold through TopatoCo were embossed with the seal. The gag is a reference to a NSFW thread Hussie posted on the Penny Arcade forums about a copy of the book Wizardology that he extensively vandalized.
<X> is outside.
One person states they're outside another's home. The other acts incredulous. They're told to come to the window. They don't see anything. Shenanigans ensue as a closer look reveals that the first person wasn't lying. It was first used in a Pesterlog between Sollux and AradiaHS, after which Aradia made Sollux sleep. The second use (first chronologically) was in a Pesterlog between Vriska and AradiaHS, while Vriska used her powers to make Sollux kill Aradia. The final usage was in a Pesterlog between Dave and AradiaHS, where they meet eachother in a dream bubble. The third occurance was almost verbatim copied from the first one, likely because Dava and Sollux have a lot of parallels. For whatever reason, every occurance of this has Aradia.


Gags in The Homestuck EpiloguesEdit

Combat, philosophy, life, love
A list of all the things Dirk has been known to teach people about. Used three times regarding Jake, but also once each by Dave and Obama. Also used once by Tavros Crocker in reference to Gamzee.
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