Volume 10 Route 1: Fight Me, Fuckboy
You're back on the beach, on the prowl for new friends while also hunting for random bits and bobs with a metal detector. Right as you contemplate your urgent need to obtain more money, you see a finned troll sitting sadly on the shore. You observe him silently for a few moments until he sighs and turns towards you. He asks whether you're the alien everyone has been talking about, then introduces himself.
His demeanor doesn't fill you with much confidence, but Eridan openly admits that he's not the best. To prove his point, he mentions that both his kismesis and moirail had recently dumped him, which is why he's so upset right now. Glad that he's giving you something to talk about, you are more than eager to be his friend. Eridan suddenly asks you to pay up, since he thinks letting someone see him wallow in misery is quality entertainment. Despite being irritated, you calmly tell him that you don't have any spare cash.
Eridan isn't the least bit concerned about your financial predicament, but asks that you accompany him on a friendly outing as an alternative way to settle your debt. He gets vaguely self-conscious with how desperate he's looking, but allows you to decide what to do for the night. While you're delighted with the freedom he's granted you, you're a little overwhelmed with what you can do.
- If you choose to admit you're not sure where to go and ask him instead, Eridan just reminds you that he wants you to make a choice. You're a little razzled with how he doesn't pick up on your uncertainty, but then conclude that what you decide doesn't really matter. You're presented with the same options.
- If you choose to head to the Stolen Art Museum, Eridan concedes that your selection is fine, though his expression says otherwise. Eridan suddenly calls the whole thing off, saying that perhaps you two aren't meant to be friends. He explains that your callous disregard for his needs is beyond upsetting, and he storms off before you can say a word. Either way, you're not too upset with his abrupt departure, since he sort of reminds you of Zebruh. GAME OVVER
- If you choose to stay at this beach, what follows is identical to the route detailed above. GAME OVVER
- If you choose to teleport to Earth, what follows is identical to the route detailed above. GAME OVVER
- If you choose to head to the anime store, what follows is identical to the route detailed above. GAME OVVER
- If you choose to find a graveyard, what follows is identical to the route detailed above. GAME OVVER
- If you choose to watch a movie, Eridan cheers that you're amazing and tells you that he'd already gotten some movie tickets a long time ago. You're a bit weirded out with how he didn't just outright tell you that he had the tickets, but he offers to take you to the cinema via airship. While you are beyond delighted that someone adores Shrek 2 as much as you do, you're hit with a strange flashback that disorients you immensely. When you're finally able to recollect your thoughts, you see Eridan leading you onto the bridge of a massive airship. You question how you even got here, since you had no memory of doing so. Vaguely exasperated, Eridan repeats his spiel about the airship then leads you into the dressing room. You're curious about the wands in the corner of the room, but Eridan warns you not to touch them. He gets rather embarrassed when talking about how he paid lots of money for those wands, but you don't push the subject and instead focus on his extensive wardrobe. You contemplate trying on some of his dresses, but Eridan is protective of his garments and goes on a tangent about gender binarism is outright stupid. The way he speaks of the subject makes you think that he has spent some time considering it, but when he says something incredibly classist you proceed to throw up all over his floor. You sarcastically apologize for what you've done, then ask why he doesn't do more to help those oppressed under genderism. Frustrated, Eridan informs you that he's fully aware of his shortcomings (and doesn't really mind when people punish him for being annoying) and knows that if he supported something openly, things would just get needlessly complicated or worse. Right as you're picking up on how lonely he actually is, Eridan rapidly changes the subject and asks whether you know a few intimate details about Sollux. Since you're unwilling to cooperate, Eridan takes it upon himself to call Sollux personally. The call is downright awkward for both you and Eridan, and after a barrage of insults Sollux challenges Eridan to a duel. Pleased with the new distraction, Eridan goes about planning what he'll do when the goldblood finally arrives. When Sollux arrives, however, he seems intent to make sure Eridan doesn't ever bother him again. At first, Eridan seems startled with Sollux's intent to kill, but whips his rifle out and takes aim at Sollux. Partway through the battle, you duck aside so you can have a better view of the chaos going down. Eridan doesn't take much damage in the fight, but you're beyond stunned when Sollux brought an entire shopping mall to finish the job. You're suddenly struck with guilt for not being able to help people when they needed you most, but decide that you need to get the hell out of dodge before disaster strikes. Eridan stands his ground despite the shopping mall hurled his way, but you're unsure whether he'll come out of this unscathed.
- Should you choose to get in there and save Eridan, he accidentally blasts your arm off, since you've appeared directly in front of him. Shocked with what happened, you can only stand and watch as Eridan makes a speedy getaway. Turns out he had an escape plan the entire time, then the pain from your wound hits you hard. The agony proves too much to bear, and you're unable to teleport away to safety. Before you pass out, you can faintly hear Sollux shrieking in dismay as the shopping mall descends onto you. Had you been a little less fragile, you'd probably find two boys surrounded by rubble or a crash site, deeply regretting the terrible consequence their fight had created. GAME OVER (WWHOOPS)
- Should you choose to get off the ship without him since it's too dangerous, you see Eridan use the blast from his shot to propel him further away from the center of the impact. You teleport somewhere far away, and see a large plume of smoke that's probably from the crash site. You're glad that Sollux thought about fighting Eridan in a place that wasn't populated, then head on over to the crash site to find the two trolls. Sollux is unharmed and informs you that Eridan's also alright, which visibly relieves you. Smug, Sollux admits that he hadn't made out with Feferi yet; he was just bluffing to rile Eridan up. You're having a bit of trouble wrapping your head around the idea that Sollux did all this to send Eridan a message (and not kill him) since it seems quite over the top. After Sollux recounts the questionable things Eridan has done in the past, he asks why you're so intent on helping him, since the seadweller is no one's responsibility. You agree that Sollux has a point there, but you're unwilling to give up on him just yet. Sollux bids you goodbye, and you make your way around the pile of rubble to see Eridan sitting on some rocks. Eridan grumbles that digging himself out of the rubble could've been worse, but understands that he's just constantly setting himself up for failure. He asks that you just give him your honest opinion, and you inform him that his belief in the Alternian society has effectively led to his ruination. Eridan accepts what you've said, though he acknowledges that it may take him a while to truly change his ways and become a better person. He thanks you for staying by his side, and is genuinely surprised when you tell him that your day with him isn't over yet. After all, there's a movie you and he agreed to watch. VVICTORY!
Volume 10 Route 2: Life In The Dreamhouse
You think about how brutality is a constant thing on Alternia, and ultimately decide that you're going to step up and do your part to make things right. After cataloging your strengths and many weaknesses, you conclude that your best shot at creating change is to go straight to the Alternian ruler. Your time on Alternia makes it evident that anyone ruling over this savage planet is probably the cruelest and heartless of the bunch, and your attempt to reform society may result in your painful and untimely death.
- If you choose to have a light lunch and lie down until your reforming mood passes, you spend a few seconds berating yourself for being so spineless. With all this power, how can you be willing to sit by and let the problem perpetuate itself? You prompt yourself to make the right choice this time around.
- If you choose to press on fearlessly with your quest, you gather yourself, prepare for the worst, and teleport right to the highest being on Alternia. Feeling damp all over, you open your eyes to see a finned troll peering at you curiously. You're rendered unable to give the troll girl a proper greeting, since you're too busy drowning in the middle of the ocean. It takes her a few moments to understand what's going on, then she blows a bubble big enough to encompass you so you can breathe. In the bubble with you, she concernedly asks whether you're alright and patiently waits for you to get all the water out of your system before introducing herself. You thank her for saving your life, and she asks why and how you'd gotten all the way here. She seems quite happy to hear that you've come her way, since she doesn't see plenty of people in the depths. Then you finally realize that Feferi is the highest being on Alternia, since the Empress was off-planet conquering alien galaxies. You privately wonder if Feferi understands what's going on outside the ocean, despite her obvious disregard for her title. The two of you begin chatting, though you're wary of the amount of air left in the bubble. Despite your delight to hear Feferi expressing clear unhappiness with the way things are done on Alternia, the lack of oxygen was starting to make you pass out.
- Should you choose to zap the heck out of here and return to Alternia's surface so you can breathe, you take her hand so you can continue discussing reform while on land. Halfway through the process, you realize that you're not sure whether she can breathe air, so you send her back and reappear on land alone. You take a few moments to compose yourself, but then get worried about Feferi getting extremely annoyed with how you'd disappeared like that. You're not even sure if she would save you the second time around, and then there's also the prospect of being mistaken for a snack by her lusus. Even though there's a chance that you might not die (plot armour and all), the idea of suffocating or being digested eternally does not sound appealing at all. Saddened that you're unable to save Alternia (since returning to Feferi's side would either mean death or eternal torment), you trudge off into the woods. Make a friend BUT fail at life GAME OVER
- Should you choose to stick around and test the whole 'you can't die' hypothesis, Feferi asks whether you're alright. In response, you collapse to the floor and lose consciousness. When you finally come to, you find yourself in a thankfully dewatered room, Feferi fanning a palm frond over you. You thank her for saving your life again, though she insists that it's her duty as Empress to protect her subjects. She states that when she becomes empress, Alternia is going to be a drastically different place. However, she hadn't considered the bit about people suffering in the meantime, since it's going to be another few thousand sweeps before she can be empress. She sadly mumbles that her big ideas don't always work out, and you press the matter by asking her about potential scenarios that may turn her into another Condesce. Feferi is appalled with the idea, but can't make herself take the numerous risks by openly challenging the Condesce. She then informs you that she'd rather take moral guidance and advice before making any decisions, loudly calling her counselor through a tube in the floor. A giant tentacle appears from the tube, and you duck behind the sofa before the eye on the end of the tentacle catches sight of you. However, the tentacle just presents a crystal ball. Curious, you head to Feferi's side to inspect the scenes unfolding in the crystal ball. Much to your surprise, you recognize what's being shown in the crystal ball--Karako in the Dark Carnival. Ecstatic to see your old friend, you begin twirling Feferi around the room. But Feferi is much stronger than anticipated and accidentally sends you hurtling into the wall when she lets go. After waking up (again), Feferi proudly tells Karako that you have a plan. Karako begins responding in a series of honks, prompting Feferi to huff in irritation and adjust the translation controls on the crystal ball. Upon hearing the remarks coming out of Karako's mouth, you realize that what you're seeing isn't the same young troll you knew from the past. Karako, looking grave and full of wisdom, ignores your waving and gives Feferi thought-provoking advice. Swayed by both choices presented to her, Feferi turns to you so you may lead her onto the best path.
- If you decide to influence the Heiress to choose the path of meditation and transcendence, Karako praises Feferi for her choice and asks that she take you along too. He reaches out of the crystal ball and taps you both on the forehead, sending a surge or power through your chakras. When the flame of power subsides, you and Feferi are quietly meditating at the bottom of the ocean, never to be found by anyone till the both of you are enlightened and bestowed with the power of the gods. ETERNAL SPIRITUAL SIBLING)(OOD VICTORY!
- If you decide to influence the Heiress to choose the path of worldly action and accomplishment, Karako commends Feferi for her decision and advises her to take you along too. He reaches out the crystal ball and makes a gesture of blessings over the two of you, filling you both with strength and courage. The tentacle disappears down the tube once that was over with, and Feferi is incredibly delighted despite not quite believing most of what Karako said. She agrees that change, no matter how small, will have its effects in due time. You give her a high five, her strength breaking a few of your fingers in the process. She is open to the idea of meeting a few people that could help her cause and implores that you return soon so that she compare notes. NOBLE WORLDLY PARTNERSHIP VICTORY!
- The title of the volume is a reference to this meme.
- The title of Feferi's route is a reference to the web series Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse.
- When the MSPA Reader has a strange flashback of seeing Eridan and Shrek in some desert in a black void, it is a reference to a scene in Collide.
- When Eridan warns the MSPA Reader not to touch his wands (despite him stating that they don't do anything), he explains that magic is fake, which he firmly believes in.
- During the duel, Sollux tells Eridan that it's 'nothing personal jackass'.
- The shopping mall Sollux used to attack Eridan was the one the MSPA Reader once went to with Daraya.
- In Feferi's route, one line of her dialogue is erroneously rendered in the MSPA Reader's text.