The Condesce

Canon • Dubiously Canon

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For the pre-scratch version of this character, see Meenah Peixes.

"Betty Crocker" redirects here; for the company sometimes called by that name, see Crockercorp.

Her Imperious Condescension
“and do not even T)(INK i dont know you out a jail bitch”
First Appearance
AKA	Betty Crocker, the Batterwitch, the Baroness, Condy, Sea Hitler, Pastry Hag
Age	Unknown, many sweeps older than all post-scratch ancestors (Deceased)
Screen name	)(er Imperious Condescension
Typing style	types in all lowercase except for emphasis, no punctuation, uses )( for capital h, and -E for capital e, uses "in" in place of "ing", "-a" in place of the "-er" suffix, "a" in place of "of", and "ma" in place of "my". Uses fish puns to a frequent level, unless during a serious debate.
Strife specibi	2x3dentkind
Relations	Meenah Peixes - Pre-scratch self Feferi Peixes - Descendant Colonel Sassacre - Husband Gl'bgolyb - Lusus Nanna - Adopted granddaughter Grandpa - Adopted grandson Poppop - Adopted grandson Grandma - Adopted granddaughter
Live(s) in	Battleship Condescension, Earth
Music	Fuchsia Ruler ♫ March of the Batterwitch ♫ Ugly Betty ♫
Pesterlogs
Act 6 Act 5 Act 1 ♦ ==> (3 pp.) Roxy: Pester Jane. (3 pp.) Act 6 Act 5 Act 2 ==>

Her Imperious Condescension, also known by the eight-letter ancestral title the Condesce (/ˈkɒn.dɛs/ kon-dess), is the ancestor of Feferi Peixes and the empress of Alternia during and before the events of Hivebent, as well as during the lifespans of the trolls' ancestors.

Biography

As the Alternian Empress

She was responsible for banishing adult trolls from Alternia after the rebellion of the Summoner, apparently to diminish the risk of rebellions. It is also noted that she has an extensive lifespan and contact to a “deep undul8ing monstrosity” which is later confirmed to be her and Feferi's current/future Lusus, Gl'bgolyb, for whom she competed over with other prospective heiresses that shared her blood color.

She possessed a mental connection to Gl'bgolyb that allowed her to curb the power of the Vast Glub. The farther away she was, the weaker her connection with Gl'bgolyb would be, which weakened her ability to prevent the Vast Glub and at the same time swayed Gl'bgolyb's allegiance towards Feferi.

Her longevity allowed her to live up to and beyond the time of the Reckoning, and she possessed the ability to give others the gift of sharing a lifespan as long as hers with a "touch" (a possible reference to the healing "Royal Touch" or "King's Touch" accredited to medieval and later European monarchs, or, more probably, a link with Feferi's role as the Witch of Life or the Condesce's pre-scratch role as the Thief of Life).

She survived both the Reckoning (due to her absence from Alternia) and the Vast Glub (due to her blood color) and traveled back to Alternia arriving 612 solar sweeps after the Reckoning. Upon her arrival she found her planet in ruins and her race practically extinct, ending her long reign over Alternia, but she would be offered a new purpose.

As English's Servant

The battle between the Handmaid and the Condesce.

She was chosen to replace the Handmaid as Lord English​'s servant, becoming his "emissary" to the places he is unable to reach himself. In order to do so, she had to kill the adult Handmaid, who had been waiting for this ever since she started to serve English.

She works under the pseudonym Betty Crocker (similar to Doc Scratch and Lord English). On post-scratch Earth the Betty Crocker logo is rebranded to the Condesce's Imperial Cypher, practically confirming Betty Crocker's identity as the Condesce.

It should also be noted that Jane, as the "heiress apparent to a baked goods empire", is first introduced on "2x3prong day", which presumably relates to the Condesce's strife specibus.

On pre-scratch Earth

Nanna heavily implies the pre-scratch identity of Betty Crocker was the Condesce as well. It is unclear how the Condesce managed to be in both the post- and the pre-scratch universe and if any duplication was involved or if she merely was able to travel from one to the other. Nanna states that she one day simply disappeared from pre-scratch Earth. Before that she raised Nanna and Grandpa after the death of her husband Colonel Sassacre.

On post-scratch Earth

During her time as Betty Crocker, in the post-scratch universe, she raised Jake's grandma and Jane's grandpa. She was especially cruel to them, even rumored to have gone so far as to murder their pet dog. At some point, Grandma left to go on adventures while Poppop remained, growing up to be a comedian. This mirrors the pre-scratch universe, where Nanna stayed behind while Grandpa left. Jake's Grandma started her own company as a rival to Crockercorp. To remind and instill the Condesce of her greatest fear, her master, Grandma took on the surname English, and created all sorts of inventions emulating Lord English himself. In Grandma's rebellion, however, the Condesce eventually confronted Grandma and killed her for her insubordination. Little is known of the conflict, except that Grandma was wounded by the Condesce's trident and that Grandma was able to get away, only to die from her wounds before reaching home. The Condesce also destroyed Grandma's and Jake's house immediately after Jake discovered the corpse of his grandmother. Prior to the events of 2x3prong day, the Condesce hid on Earth between 50–100 years, secretly building up her Crockercorp empire and setting up the planet in preparation for her conquest, the start of which is seen here.Once she takes over, she begins establishing a variety of seemingly random and nonsensical laws such as humans reproducing through donating their genetic material to drones or artificially changing the color of humans' blood to establish a blood caste system. This is seemingly done to restore the conditions of her rule in Alternia. Though at first the Condesce wants to rebuild the troll race the clones she creates are psychically killed by her "pet", who was brought on her battleship along with a number of other lusus species. It is possible that, as she bred several of the lusii in secret for a long time, she may have done so using some form of ectobiology (as she likely did with the trolls and humans). This being the case, the monstrosity she controls may be a clone of the original Gl'bgolyb, as it apparently has many of its characteristics and powers.

The Condesce, about to kill post-scratch Rose and Dave.

The Condesce gradually floods the world through melting of the ice caps and somehow brings Carapacians to Earth, likely through the powers of her master. Over time she also hones the psychic skills of certain members of her lost troll society for herself, demonstrating specifically the symbols of Vriska, Tavros, Sollux, and Aradia, which can explain her easy conquest of post-scratch Derse. She also has control of post-scratch Earth's first guardian, making her especially formidable.

As the Queen of Derse

Derse is under new management.

She replaces the Black Queen in the post-scratch kids' session as evidenced by this Flash when she directs the Draconian Dignitary to investigate Dirk Strider's dream self's activity. Her hand is also shown glowing similar to the Handmaid, probably due to the influence of her master. It also appears she is in possession of the Queen's Ring and may have killed her for it. The ring, however, lacks the orbs fourfold, matching Derse's lack of spires to receive prototyping data.

And all the fandom said NO!

After taking over Derse offscreen she is seen interacting with the Draconian Dignitary (to whom she lends the ring) and controlling GCat. GCat teleports Roxy to her later in the B2 Kids' session, Roxy becoming her newest prisoner. Later she intervenes a Serious Business conversation involving the Dignitary and Dad Crocker about hats.

She later shows up in her flagship above Derse and shoots Psionic blast of energy from her eyes at its moon, destroying it and making Dirk and Roxy ascend. When Jade arrives the session, she uses both her ability to commune with animals and to manipulate people in order to take control of her. She then makes Jade teleport the tiaratop onto Jane's head, also placing under her control. They send Dirk into the Furthest Ring and capture Roxy and Jake to her.

While Jade interrogates Roxy it is revealed the Condesce has captured her with the intention of having her materialize a new Matriorb through the powers of Void. She seeks to plant the new orb on a planet far from Lord English's reach, so that she may restart the troll race out of harm's way. Whether she truly cares about her race or simply wants something to tyrannically rule over again is unclear.

Game Over Timeline

She later appears on the scene of very concentrated dramatic tension on LOFAF, where Aranea had been stirring up trouble. The Condesce fires a psiioniic blast over a large portion of the planet's surface where the scattered fight was taking place, killing Kanaya in the process. Aranea, enraged at the destruction of her plans, control dead Damaras to launch LOLAR at LOFAF in an attempt to kill her. The Condesce jumps out of the way, but her ship is destroyed. Aranea tries once more, this time with LOCAH, but the Condesce blocks with LOHAC. While Aranea deals with an attack from Terezi the Condesce fields a similar assault from Rose. She throws her 2x3dent at Rose, impaling her in the chest. After retrieving her weapon, she fires a psiioniic blast in Rose's direction, who only narrowly avoids the blast, saved by Roxy. She then faces Aranea again, grabbing her by the throat, flicks the Ring of Life off her finger, and immediately snaps her neck. She then throws Aranea into the nearby wall of fire who dies a Just death.

New Timeline

In this timeline Vriska is present on the meteor, a factor that the Condesce had not anticipated. She puts Jade to sleep before she can teleport the others away.

The Condesce is regarded as a high priority target by Vriska, and a team of John, Rose, Roxy and Kanaya volunteers to deal with her. They battle the Condesce on Derse, with interventions from Dad Crocker, Jane, Nannasprite and Jasprosesprite^2. The Condesce eventually overpowers the kids but is stealth stabbed by Roxy, losing blood and apparently dying.

Personality

suckas

While she initially appears as a dignified sinister ruler, the little of her personality that has been revealed is surprisingly lax. She speaks in a very informal manner like her pre-scratch self and is quite fond of clowns and glitter. DD also implies that she has a genuine interest in cooking and baking. She also is, like any true queen, quite vain. While she is generally considered an antagonist she does have an interest in the defeat of her master, Lord English, to the point where she attempts to collaborate with the B2 kids. Her ruthlessness, however, is not to be underestimated.

Relationships

The Condesce was the object of Dualscar's flushed ambitions, though it would seem that she did not reciprocate. On Earth, she ended up entering a (presumably flushed) relationship with Colonel Sassacre.

Although she is Lord English's servant, she appears to hate him with a passion.

Trivia

• The troll writing on her battleship says "Battleship Condescension", which has the same initials as Betty Crocker.
• The shortened form of her title, "Condesce," could be a pun on the real title on Contessa, which is what Italian Countesses are called.
  • This choice could also be related to the stereotypical Italian-American affectations used by the Condesce, Meenah, Eridan, and to some extent, Cronus.
• Nannasprite referred to Betty Crocker as “baroness”, which matches the other eight-letter titles of the ancestors.
  • Dirk later on also referred the Condesce as the Baroness.
• Mindfang and the Draconian Dignitary both call her a witch. Feferi's mythological role is the Witch of Life, while Betty Crocker is also commonly referred to in-universe as the "Batterwitch".
  • The Condesce seems to have some sort of connection with the Witch class; as she has had some kind of relationship with every known Witch player; Damara's post-scratch self, the Handmaid, was killed by the Condesce; Jade was under her control for a short time up until her death; and her descendant and Heiress, Feferi, was the Witch of Life.
  • In part one of Openbound, Meenah even calls her a “waterbitch” - in addition to being quite accurate, it's also a near-spoonerism of "batterwitch".
• It is speculated that the source of her powers is due to the torturous experimentations on the remaining humans and animals left on earth to “unlock all of her psychic alien potential” or so to speak.
• "Glorious Monarch" is a title of the Black Queen (whom the Condesce replaced), which so happens to start with the same letters as "General Mills".
• Jake refers to her as “sea hitler” and “FISH HITLER”. Likewise, Roxy calls her “SNORKELBITCH MEGAHITLER”.
• While communicating via Serious Business she speaks similarly to Meenah. This could possibly mean that all post-scratch ancestors talked like their pre-scratch selves (as Aranea and Mindfang do, and Jane and Nanna do, more or less) or is just coincidence with the Condesce.
• It's shown here that the mind-controlled Jane and Jade, while still acting with the best interests of the Condesce in mind, are more than just puppets for her and have at least some measure of autonomy.
• The Condesce's giant hairdo is reminiscent of Gl'bgolyb's tentacles.
• The Condesce is shown as a black silhouette, just as every other Troll Ancestor is. This is a stylistic art choice and does not reflect her literal appearance.
• She shares some parallels with the pre-scratch "main" villian; both killed a guardian of a Strider and were defeated by their kid's swords.
  • As Vriska got time-traveling gear in the post-scratch timeline, she enabled both Jack and the Condesce's ascension to try defeating them later.
  • Both overthrew a Black Queen and took their rings as well.